So it's been about maybe 2 years since I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I've had a year of intensive therapy which didn't feel like it was doing jack at the time but now I realise it has actually helped me by teaching me to think in a slightly different way.
Because of this, I'm 10 months into a committed relationship. He's absolutely my world, but it's still a battle every single day.
It's the first relationship I've had that's been 'out of the blue' and I've felt like it's actually succeeding. I'm terrified of it changing, of his feelings for me changing, but I guess that's an enhanced symptom of BPD.
I really really wish I could stop over-thinking things but for example, I'm unable to see him this week because we're both too busy (adults with full-time jobs). I keep telling myself that sunday is a few days away and when I do actually get to see him that it will seem like no time has passed at all but I can't help but have this feeling of rejection. This feeling of "Well I can't be that important to him, he doesn't even seem bothered that he won't see me this week!"
I really do hate this.
It's fine when I'm with him, my entire way of thinking changes. All the problems that I would have perceived as a big issue, suddenly aren't that important and I love that he calms my anxiety without even trying.
I just wish that on weeks like this that I didn't feel rejected or abandoned. Or that he's somehow angry with me because I over-explained why I can't stay over as I'm working late etc.
I don't know whether or not to go back into therapy.
Because of this, I'm 10 months into a committed relationship. He's absolutely my world, but it's still a battle every single day.
It's the first relationship I've had that's been 'out of the blue' and I've felt like it's actually succeeding. I'm terrified of it changing, of his feelings for me changing, but I guess that's an enhanced symptom of BPD.
I really really wish I could stop over-thinking things but for example, I'm unable to see him this week because we're both too busy (adults with full-time jobs). I keep telling myself that sunday is a few days away and when I do actually get to see him that it will seem like no time has passed at all but I can't help but have this feeling of rejection. This feeling of "Well I can't be that important to him, he doesn't even seem bothered that he won't see me this week!"
I really do hate this.
It's fine when I'm with him, my entire way of thinking changes. All the problems that I would have perceived as a big issue, suddenly aren't that important and I love that he calms my anxiety without even trying.
I just wish that on weeks like this that I didn't feel rejected or abandoned. Or that he's somehow angry with me because I over-explained why I can't stay over as I'm working late etc.
I don't know whether or not to go back into therapy.
s*