BPD and relationships

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Beka, May 18, 2016.

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  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    So it's been about maybe 2 years since I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I've had a year of intensive therapy which didn't feel like it was doing jack at the time but now I realise it has actually helped me by teaching me to think in a slightly different way.

    Because of this, I'm 10 months into a committed relationship. He's absolutely my world, but it's still a battle every single day.

    It's the first relationship I've had that's been 'out of the blue' and I've felt like it's actually succeeding. I'm terrified of it changing, of his feelings for me changing, but I guess that's an enhanced symptom of BPD.

    I really really wish I could stop over-thinking things but for example, I'm unable to see him this week because we're both too busy (adults with full-time jobs). I keep telling myself that sunday is a few days away and when I do actually get to see him that it will seem like no time has passed at all but I can't help but have this feeling of rejection. This feeling of "Well I can't be that important to him, he doesn't even seem bothered that he won't see me this week!"

    I really do hate this.

    It's fine when I'm with him, my entire way of thinking changes. All the problems that I would have perceived as a big issue, suddenly aren't that important and I love that he calms my anxiety without even trying.

    I just wish that on weeks like this that I didn't feel rejected or abandoned. Or that he's somehow angry with me because I over-explained why I can't stay over as I'm working late etc.

    I don't know whether or not to go back into therapy.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas, I personally think you should go back to therapy, it sounds like it helped you, may I ask what kind of therapy you were in ? Relationships and BPD can be very tricky, I hope things work out and don't fret sunday is only around the corner. Just be yourself and try not to worry. Have a good time and focus on enjoying yourself. Keep talking to us here if it helps. I have BPD too so I know the score with it. Good luck to you my dear! :)
     
  3. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Well currently he is flat out ignoring me, he doesn't want to speak to me and hasn't since we argued and I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave it too long because I know it's better if it gets talked about sooner rather than later. I just have a horrible feeling he's going to break up with me...
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am so sorry honey, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. What do you think will happen IF he breaks up with you? I think you should trust your instincts on this and maybe you should break up with him. Him not talking to you is very selfish, very unfair and you do not deserve that.
     
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I totally understand the horrible anxiety and desperation to "fix" it when there has been a fight. You need to remember that everyone fights and that it isn't (yet) a catastrophe - don't make it one. I totally get that you need to talk it through (I would too) but what he needs is important here too. It is no more selfish for him to need space than it is for you to need to talk - that the two things don't "match up" is really difficult but if he is angry and he needs time, you need to give it to him. Trying to talk before he is ready will lead to more fighting - take a step back, take a deep breath and remember that your thoughts and feelings are not necessarily facts. Don't decide for him what he feels - let him tell you when he is ready. I know its really really hard but him not talking doesn't mean he is going to leave or that he hates your or that your relationship is doomed - it just means he needs time to deal with his own feelings before he can deal with yours. Deep breaths. *hugs*
     
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  6. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I messaged him just saying again that I'm sorry it happened and we got talking about it and things are okay but talking face to face about it tomorrow when we're both free. Just a bit more relief knowing we're okay
     
  7. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am really glad :) sometimes people (and for some reason especially men) need space to calm down and figure things out, and talking about it right away can make it worse. I am glad you feel some relief now!
     
  8. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Relief has completely disappeared as he's basically pointed out he's breaking up with me when we talk tomorrow
     
  9. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Ouch - yes I can see how that would make the relief disappear. Did he say why?
     
  10. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    No, he refused to say that he loved me back so I just asked if we're okay and he wouldn't answer so I said if we're not can he bring my stuff and he said yeah he'll bring it all tomorrow
     
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