BPD Support Thread

[Aves]

Called him this morning. He's still kind of in shock and just "blah"...I'm sad, but then I feel guilty for feeling sad because I'm not technically the one going through this. But I'm sad because I'm afraid to lose him permanently at this point.

I can understand how you feel guilty for feeling sad but you’re probably feeling it through him because you care so much for him. It seems to be one of the “joys”of being a highly empathic person.

 

[anona123]

Yeah it's like....I can love other people easily, but I find myself hard to love. Because I just feel like I'm a bad person for whatever reason.

I have issues but for years I exhibited so much narcissistic and borderline pd traits. Just not a great husband and therefore not a great father. Or friend. It's cost me so much. My therapist says I didn't choose those traits and I just need to focus on the future.
But I absolutely feel I'm a bad person. I hate it so much. I'd do anything to change things but they happened. I'm not dumb. I should have known better.

 

[anona123]

Absolutely, and a broken bone is usually pretty simple to fix but it’s like how on earth do you fix a broken personality?

Yes and they're particularly difficult because by nature you're not self aware of them. I always felt I was right. If there was a blood test or something I could have saved a lot of pain over the years.

 

[Aves]

Yes and they're particularly difficult because by nature you're not self aware of them. I always felt I was right. If there was a blood test or something I could have saved a lot of pain over the years.

I feel like this too, I also feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of bpd. I find it hard not to dwell on that and also I’ve had people say to me that I shouldn’t let my mental illness define who I am. Now that’s all well and good and I do agree with that but how can you not let it define you when it is something that revolves around your personality and how it’s been wired up? I don’t know what’s “me” and what’s bpd, it’s very frustrating.

 

[anona123]

I feel like this too, I also feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of bpd. I find it hard not to dwell on that and also I’ve had people say to me that I shouldn’t let my mental illness define who I am. Now that’s all well and good and I do agree with that but how can you not let it define you when it is something that revolves around your personality and how it’s been wired up? I don’t know what’s “me” and what’s bpd, it’s very frustrating.

Right! I can actually accept the fact that there is something wrong with me and I need to work through it. The idea that I have to think through every interaction or decision the rest of my life and protect myself from mistakes of my disorders really doesn't bother me.
But dwelling on past mistakes? It's torture. The way I was and the impact on my family is why I'm on this site. And I hate that too. I hate that part of me wants to just go away and not deal with all the crap I've done.

 

[Aves]

Right! I can actually accept the fact that there is something wrong with me and I need to work through it. The idea that I have to think through every interaction or decision the rest of my life and protect myself from mistakes of my disorders really doesn't bother me.
But dwelling on past mistakes? It's torture. The way I was and the impact on my family is why I'm on this site. And I hate that too. I hate that part of me wants to just go away and not deal with all the crap I've done.

I get that, I really do. I had a lot of shit with my mum years ago and we are in a much better place now but if I start thinking about how I treated her back then, then it just leads me down that self hatred path all over again. I mean overall it is better and my mum has forgiven me for the things that I’ve done but it is so hard to forgive yourself.

 

[Aurelia]

I have to say, while Aristotle and Kant definitely had their moments of genius...Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau are a bunch of idiots...

 

[Aurelia]

Hobbes, however, at least realized that humans are "naturally" chaotic...the other two had these delusions that humans are inherently "good". Good, my ass.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm taking pics with weird camera angles. Like I turned my head way to the side and I look possessed. lol

 

[Aves]

I have to say, while Aristotle and Kant definitely had their moments of genius...Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau are a bunch of idiots...

I don’t know much about philosophers but it seems to me that Diogenes was the one who knew what he was talking about when he said “ I pissed on the man who called me a dog. Why was he so surprised?”

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Wow, I encountered 3 different neighbors and actually talked to them. That's kinda scary for me. lol

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I hope my friendliness with people doesn't come across as fake. I get nervous and I probably seem awkward.

 

[Aves]

Wow, I encountered 3 different neighbors and actually talked to them. That's kinda scary for me. lol

Well done for doing that even though it was scary

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Well done for doing that even though it was scary

Yeah, I have trouble carrying on conversations sometimes, but I want to be approachable and friendly. And I don't get out much so I need to start somewhere.

 

[Aves]

I hope my friendliness with people doesn't come across as fake. I get nervous and I probably seem awkward.

I have that too, I feel like I come across as insincere but I’m not. I think I just have a bit of a weird and nervous energy sometimes lol

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I have that too, I feel like I come across as insincere but I’m not. I think I just have a bit of a weird and nervous energy sometimes lol

Like I wonder if my face and tone come across as fake. I don't know how else to describe it. But I feel weird and then I wonder how my facial expressions look. haha

 

[Aves]

Like I wonder if my face and tone come across as fake. I don't know how else to describe it. But I feel weird and then I wonder how my facial expressions look. haha

Yeah I get what you mean lol, I always analyse how I’ve acted or spoken in a conversation thinking that the other person is doing the same when in reality they’re probably not thinking about me at all

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Yeah I get what you mean lol, I always analyse how I’ve acted or spoken in a conversation thinking that the other person is doing the same when in reality they’re probably not thinking about me at all

I think I just worry too much that I come across as strange or disingenuous to others. Probably just thinking in overdrive again.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I picked the least scary of my pics to put on Facebook. Oh well, it is what it is. lol

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

If I get reincarnated as a cat...haha.