Because the truth is, I keep reaching out to friends, and they keep ignoring me. But when I'm drunk and happy and fun, that's when they all want to talk. When I'm sober, they just ignore me. They talk when it's convenient for them, because I'm an afterthought, I'm not important at all. People contact me out of the blue after years, after just leaving, because they want something from me. They pretend to be my friend while they block and delete me. They overstep my boundaries and treat me like garbage. And I'm supposed to find worth in all that, my own worth? Based on how others treat me, I have none. I wanted everyone to know why it's so difficult for me to just stop drinking. Why would I when reality is worse?