BPD Support Thread

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I actually read over a list of horrible things people have said to me over the years. I wish my mind wasn't so good at remembering them so vividly. It's no wonder I ended up with BPD after all that.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I remember when you could rate threads on here, and someone gave my journal a 1 star, the worst rating. It's kind of funny because you can't really rate someone's life, it's subjective. But if they thought that was all bad, imagine how I feel dealing with that shit every damn day of my life.

 

[Aurelia]

I've had a few people say they'll hurt themselves if I disappear. But they don't see why I want to leave, or even try to understand how I am hurting. It's always about everyone else, and never about how I feel. I'm just kinda done with it all. It's my bad though for thinking anyone cared.

Alright I'm going to be very blunt here, but only because I care and because I think you could use a bit of bluntness right now. First, stop feeling sorry for yourself because that's not going to get you anywhere nor change your situation in any way. Second, who cares what people say they're going to do if you're gone? Do you know for a fact that that's even true? Of course not, because you'd be gone, so there would be no way of knowing what anyone would actually do. And regardless of that, it doesn't matter what they say or do. What does matter is you and your life. But you're treating yourself with the utmost negligence and carelessness. So if that's the case, and you don't give a shit about yourself,, why should anyone else? Not saying that we don't, because we do. I do. But just making a point that you have to care about yourself if you expect others to do the same. People will treat you how you allow them to. I learned that with my husband. And if you show you don't care about yourself, you're essentially saying to everyone else "treat me like shit; it's okay". Nothing is going to change if you don't take steps to make it change, bottom line.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Alright I'm going to be very blunt here, but only because I care and because I think you could use a bit of bluntness right now. First, stop feeling sorry for yourself because that's not going to get you anywhere nor change your situation in any way. Second, who cares what people say they're going to do if you're gone? Do you know for a fact that that's even true? Of course not, because you'd be gone, so there would be no way of knowing what anyone would actually do. And regardless of that, it doesn't matter what they say or do. What does matter is you and your life. But you're treating yourself with the utmost negligence and carelessness. So if that's the case, and you don't give a shit about yourself,, why should anyone else? Not saying that we don't, because we do. I do. But just making a point that you have to care about yourself if you expect others to do the same. People will treat you how you allow them to. I learned that with my husband. And if you show you don't care about yourself, you're essentially saying to everyone else "treat me like shit; it's okay". Nothing is going to change if you don't take steps to make it change, bottom line.

You're right, it's hard to value myself much but I need to work more at that. I deserve as much as I give to anyone else.

 

[Aurelia]

You're right, it's hard to value myself much but I need to work more at that. I deserve as much as I give to anyone else.

You need to think long and hard about what you truly want out of life. Maybe to have a stable career? Take some courses and work at it. Maybe to be more physically fit? Work at it. Maybe to try getting your writing published? Take the necessary steps to do that. Maybe to get away from your mom? Take the necessary steps to do that, as well. Nothing comes easily in life and change takes a great deal of time and effort. And you won't notice it's even happening until it's already been the case for a while, so don't think you're not making progress just because you're not noticing any changes. Everything is always changing. Slowly, but surely.

 

[Aurelia]

You say you'll work at valuing yourself but this is a deep-rooted negative belief that needs to be changed and it won't change easily. You need to fully understand and accept that. And you won't be able to start valuing yourself until you accomplish things that YOU believe are worth valuing yourself for. And notice I said you, not others. It doesn't matter what others' standards are when it comes to you being valuable. Only your own standards matter.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You need to think long and hard about what you truly want out of life. Maybe to have a stable career? Take some courses and work at it. Maybe to be more physically fit? Work at it. Maybe to try getting your writing published? Take the necessary steps to do that. Maybe to get away from your mom? Take the necessary steps to do that, as well. Nothing comes easily in life and change takes a great deal of time and effort. And you won't notice it's even happening until it's already been the case for a while, so don't think you're not making progress just because you're not noticing any changes. Everything is always changing. Slowly, but surely.

I want to do all of that and more. I need to focus on myself, believe in myself, and not worry about anyone or anything that will try to tear me down.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You say you'll work at valuing yourself but this is a deep-rooted negative belief that needs to be changed and it won't change easily. You need to fully understand and accept that. And you won't be able to start valuing yourself until you accomplish things that YOU believe are worth valuing yourself for. And notice I said you, not others. It doesn't matter what others' standards are when it comes to you being valuable. Only your own standards matter.

Yeah, I definitely know it's something that will take lots of hard work to change. It's decades worth of negative crap but any progress in the opposite direction is good.

 

[Aurelia]

I want to do all of that and more. I need to focus on myself, believe in myself, and not worry about anyone or anything that will try to tear me down.

Start with one thing at a time. Take small steps to meet a goal. Any goal you choose. And you'll be proud of yourself for getting there. And then you can do it again, and again...until slowly you start to believe that you ARE valuable.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Start with one thing at a time. Take small steps to meet a goal. Any goal you choose. And you'll be proud of yourself for getting there. And then you can do it again, and again...until slowly you start to believe that you ARE valuable.

Thank you, I appreciate that reminder. I think it's hardest to see my own value because I value others more.

 

[Aurelia]

Thank you, I appreciate that reminder. I think it's hardest to see my own value because I value others more.

You connect your worth to the presence of others, and you can't do that. I did that for along time and look where it got me for all that time.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You connect your worth to the presence of others, and you can't do that. I did that for along time and look where it got me for all that time.

I think it's hard because of BPD. I just need to learn to separate feelings from truth.

 

[Aurelia]

I think it's hard because of BPD. I just need to learn to separate feelings from truth.

Not so much that, but just accept those feelings as being there and that it's okay for them to be there. Ironically, that's what will make them go away. The moment you accept that feeling badly is okay once in a while and doesn't need to be numbed with alcohol or people or anything else.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Not so much that, but just accept those feelings as being there and that it's okay for them to be there. Ironically, that's what will make them go away. The moment you accept that feeling badly is okay once in a while and doesn't need to be numbed with alcohol or people or anything else.

Right, and I don't want to dwell too much on anything until it puts me into a spiral.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I just heard this on a commercial for a movie: "I have too many demons...I don't know how to love". Well I do know how to love, but I have enough demons to spare.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

When I'm fed up with my mom's stuff and stand up to her, she looks at me with this evil demon possessed sort of look. Kinda freaks me out honestly.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I told her it looks like she wants to kill me, and all she did was laugh.

 

[Aurelia]

I just heard this on a commercial for a movie: "I have too many demons...I don't know how to love". Well I do know how to love, but I have enough demons to spare.

Love is a subjective concept, though. Who says any of us know how to love? Narcissists think they know how to love, too. None of us really know anything when it comes down to it. We only see ourselves as knowing how to love if our definition of it matches other people's definition for the most part.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Love is a subjective concept, though. Who says any of us know how to love? Narcissists think they know how to love, too. None of us really know anything when it comes down to it. We only see ourselves as knowing how to love if our definition of it matches other people's definition for the most part.

That's a really good point. Didn't really think of it that way before.

 

[Aurelia]

Another day I have off work...avoiding having to do schoolwork due to feeling overwhelmed...yet, also bored and that feeling of emptiness is setting in again because my main distraction from it all isn't an option today. Shopping was a distraction for a bit...though, I felt guilty afterward for spending money, so perhaps not so good of a distraction...but regardless, it's now nighttime and the demons (in my head...well, hopefully just in my head, haha) are coming out to play.