-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
⭐️LONG POST ALERT⭐️
Hi there.
Thankyou for setting this thread up. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I think I may have it. I have certain traits that have been going on for atleast the last decade. It’s definitely gotten worse over the last 2-3y.
reading up on it, on various sites, there’s more things on there that point to it for me.
I live a pretty normal life. No one would think I had any mental health issues. But inside, I’m constantly battling myself. Critizing everything I do from waking up to going to bed. I battle with my self imagine, I hate my body so much. It makes me feel sick. Sick to my stomach.
The instability in my relationship whom I’ve been with for almost 9y now. The constantly jealousy over absolutely nothing. I go from being happy and content to wanting to scream and shout about something that happened months ago. Things stick out in my mind, then I manifest on them until I can’t take my nagging brain anymore and explode at him instead. Instead of making myself calm down and realise that just coz he’s liked some girls photo doesn’t necessarily mean he’s attracted to her or wants her. I’d suggest that if that was the case he’d be gone by now, but I just cannot help these thoughts. I could happily be distracted by my diamond painting, but my brain will tell me that I need to check my Instagram for what he’s been up to. I hate it. I hate it so much. But these feelings and thoughts can last anywhere between a few hours and a few days.
I think as a kid, it traumatised me when my dad almost died, from sepsis, from undiagnosed Crohn’s disease. That’s what started my depression. I was 8. I remember it so vividly like it happened yesterday. I used to get a reoccurring dream about something that happened before I can remember but my mum told me about it, turns out most of the dream I have actually occurred other than the ending, but i only started having this dream after my dad almost died. He’s had 3 cases of sepsis over the last 20y and each time he’s came fighting out of it. But it has affected me. I worry all the time about him because he truly over works himself, most of the time 7x a week as he’s self employed. My parents also split up for some time when I was around 13y old and I think that’s also had an impact on my mental health, even though they did get back together in the end.
Anyway I’ve really gone off topic here. And I’m really sorry for rambling. If you’ve read this far. Thankyou 🙏
Hi there.
Thankyou for setting this thread up. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I think I may have it. I have certain traits that have been going on for atleast the last decade. It’s definitely gotten worse over the last 2-3y.
reading up on it, on various sites, there’s more things on there that point to it for me.
I live a pretty normal life. No one would think I had any mental health issues. But inside, I’m constantly battling myself. Critizing everything I do from waking up to going to bed. I battle with my self imagine, I hate my body so much. It makes me feel sick. Sick to my stomach.
The instability in my relationship whom I’ve been with for almost 9y now. The constantly jealousy over absolutely nothing. I go from being happy and content to wanting to scream and shout about something that happened months ago. Things stick out in my mind, then I manifest on them until I can’t take my nagging brain anymore and explode at him instead. Instead of making myself calm down and realise that just coz he’s liked some girls photo doesn’t necessarily mean he’s attracted to her or wants her. I’d suggest that if that was the case he’d be gone by now, but I just cannot help these thoughts. I could happily be distracted by my diamond painting, but my brain will tell me that I need to check my Instagram for what he’s been up to. I hate it. I hate it so much. But these feelings and thoughts can last anywhere between a few hours and a few days.
I think as a kid, it traumatised me when my dad almost died, from sepsis, from undiagnosed Crohn’s disease. That’s what started my depression. I was 8. I remember it so vividly like it happened yesterday. I used to get a reoccurring dream about something that happened before I can remember but my mum told me about it, turns out most of the dream I have actually occurred other than the ending, but i only started having this dream after my dad almost died. He’s had 3 cases of sepsis over the last 20y and each time he’s came fighting out of it. But it has affected me. I worry all the time about him because he truly over works himself, most of the time 7x a week as he’s self employed. My parents also split up for some time when I was around 13y old and I think that’s also had an impact on my mental health, even though they did get back together in the end.
Anyway I’ve really gone off topic here. And I’m really sorry for rambling. If you’ve read this far. Thankyou 🙏
Thankyou @Innocent Forever for taking the time to read my very long comment it’s much appreciated. It’s so strange because I don’t feel like this every day!
I did it.
I phoned the doctors this morning with more anxiety than I’ve ever had in my whole entire life.
I’ve spoke to the doctor, I’ve gotta go collect a form to fill out but he wants me to do it somewhere quietly and on my own. Then after that I need to call a number for something called inclusion here in the UK
I feel a lot better for doing it, and finally accepting that I have problems that need sorting. I couldn’t have done it without you guys here on this forum
I phoned the doctors this morning with more anxiety than I’ve ever had in my whole entire life.
I’ve spoke to the doctor, I’ve gotta go collect a form to fill out but he wants me to do it somewhere quietly and on my own. Then after that I need to call a number for something called inclusion here in the UK
I feel a lot better for doing it, and finally accepting that I have problems that need sorting. I couldn’t have done it without you guys here on this forum
The first step is the hardest! It'll get better. 
TW: ⚠️ do not read if you are easily triggered by brief mentions of suicidal thoughts. (Nothing graphic dw)
I've been diagnosed with borderline one year ago. I can't maintain relationships worth a damn. I'm thinking about ending it all if I don't get disability benefits, as I can't support myself with employment or anything. I think I honestly deserve to die I've been shuffled around from group home to group home and there's no one in my life I care about enough to keep me around. Even if I did care about someone, I'd want them as far away from me as possible. I'm an absolute sh*t human being who hasn't accomplished anything in my entire life besides scare people away. I'm the problem. With the severity of my psychosis, bipolar, and borderline, I'll probably end up institutionalized for the rest of my life if I do survive. I don't want to get better. I just want to be done. I want to stop feeling and stop hurting and I'm entitled to relieve my suffering if I want to and no one has the right to stop me. I'd be doing society a favor honestly by offing myself. Saving taxpayer dollars and such
I've been diagnosed with borderline one year ago. I can't maintain relationships worth a damn. I'm thinking about ending it all if I don't get disability benefits, as I can't support myself with employment or anything. I think I honestly deserve to die I've been shuffled around from group home to group home and there's no one in my life I care about enough to keep me around. Even if I did care about someone, I'd want them as far away from me as possible. I'm an absolute sh*t human being who hasn't accomplished anything in my entire life besides scare people away. I'm the problem. With the severity of my psychosis, bipolar, and borderline, I'll probably end up institutionalized for the rest of my life if I do survive. I don't want to get better. I just want to be done. I want to stop feeling and stop hurting and I'm entitled to relieve my suffering if I want to and no one has the right to stop me. I'd be doing society a favor honestly by offing myself. Saving taxpayer dollars and such
You have inherent worth as a human being. You also have a legitimate disability and are entirely deserving of support.
That's awful. I think the root issue is likely that your family was incapable of giving a child the love and care you needed and deserved.
People with BPD feel emotional hurt more deeply, but are also capable of loving more deeply than other people do.
I'm sorry you've suffered so much. I wish there were more I could do.
That's awful. I think the root issue is likely that your family was incapable of giving a child the love and care you needed and deserved.
People with BPD feel emotional hurt more deeply, but are also capable of loving more deeply than other people do.
I'm sorry you've suffered so much. I wish there were more I could do.