BPD Support Thread

[Angie74]

I'm 44, almost 45, and I can't wait to "age" out of this disorder. Only got diagnosed 3 years ago.

 

[Aurelia]

I'm 44, almost 45, and I can't wait to "age" out of this disorder. Only got diagnosed 3 years ago.

Have you had symptoms before that?

 

[Sunspots]

Feeling lonely and misunderstood.

Man, I know that feeling.

I can't wait to "age" out of this disorder.

And that one. I've just turned 50 and feel like the last few years have been the worst.
Thank fuck for this place because nobody irl even begins to understand how it can feel. Sometimes it feels like they don't even want to.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I didn't get diagnosed until I was about 33, but I felt that I've had it for decades. So I wasn't surprised when she said I had it.

 

[Angie74]

I've had traits for years. But no one mentioned this disorder until very late in my life.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I wonder if it would have been easier if I had been diagnosed when I was like 20 or something. Maybe I'd be normal by now, but I'm not sure anymore.

 

[SerenityRiver]

i have bpd its been over 15 years since i been diagnosed with bpd , i have found it hard to deal with and its has only gotten worse over the last few years i cant deal with the illness at all i find am getting more and more crazier i want to harm myself more now than before my husband is my carer and i have friends who understand or have the illness themselves
most of the time i am child like i want to be in bed most of the time and not leave the house at all i no longer have my toxic family members to deal with as i have cut them off
the illness also makes me feel ok one minute then suicidal the next i self harm a lot and i have addictions that are out of control i cant have money as i would buy pills tools and other things to harm myself with i have just been told am not getting therapy i had therapy before cbt but i wanted dbt but there not going to do it so am kinda screwed they dont seem to understand that things are only going to get worse i mean do they really dont care i feel like i should just kill myself i feel hopeless and nothing for me to hold on for

 

[Aurelia]

I wonder if it would have been easier if I had been diagnosed when I was like 20 or something. Maybe I'd be normal by now, but I'm not sure anymore.

Lol. Don't be so sure. I got diagnosed at 19 and I'm 29 now, and still not even close to normal.

 

[Aurelia]

i have bpd its been over 15 years since i been diagnosed with bpd , i have found it hard to deal with and its has only gotten worse over the last few years i cant deal with the illness at all i find am getting more and more crazier i want to harm myself more now than before my husband is my carer and i have friends who understand or have the illness themselves
most of the time i am child like i want to be in bed most of the time and not leave the house at all i no longer have my toxic family members to deal with as i have cut them off
the illness also makes me feel ok one minute then suicidal the next i self harm a lot and i have addictions that are out of control i cant have money as i would buy pills tools and other things to harm myself with i have just been told am not getting therapy i had therapy before cbt but i wanted dbt but there not going to do it so am kinda screwed they dont seem to understand that things are only going to get worse i mean do they really dont care i feel like i should just kill myself i feel hopeless and nothing for me to hold on for

There are other therapies out there besides CBT and DBT. CBT is the oldest, so most are based in CBT, but it's not going to be the same exact thing for every CBT-based therapy.

 

[Angie74]

I feel like mine is getting worse, too. I can't handle being alone, and feeling empty, and always wanting to kill myself. It never ends, and there is never a break.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Hey. I have bpd and I've been having a really hard time. Can anyone talk to me please.

We're all happy to talk to you.... Just saw this message now ((hugs))

 

[Angie74]

Talk away! I can relate, and I'm sure others here can, too.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

It feels like unless I'm around someone or at least have someone to talk to, I'm left with a searing loneliness. I don't like my own company much and don't know what to do on my own. It doesn't matter what I do to distract myself, because I still feel this whenever I'm alone.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Stressed and frustrated. I wrote it out on my journal. Basically just not sure if I'm over reacting and being black and white. And because I do that in relationships and have succeeded in turning everyone away, which I now wonder if it's me who created the distance- not that it hurts any less that theres no one here - I just don't know what is my issue and what is not. And it makes a difference for what I choose to do about someone now. Just frustrated about it. Best is that being that I don't know how I do it I cant change it. Yet? And the over-reacting really is reality... and maybe it's nothing to do with bpd just me being weird.

 

[lilly123]

Does anyone else completely dedicate themselves to a new interest only to lose interest due crippling fear of failure to the point that you end up suicidal or self harm impulses. Sometimes my anxiety gets to a point of emotional outburst of tears and I can't continue the task for months....

 

[hellyeahwhatever]

Does anyone else completely dedicate themselves to a new interest only to lose interest due crippling fear of failure to the point that you end up suicidal or self harm impulses. Sometimes my anxiety gets to a point of emotional outburst of tears and I can't continue the task for months....

I kinda relate. Back in junior high, I was so sure I could do a lot of things I feel passionate about; doing music. It disappeared along time, because the fear of rejection, failure, not good enough, no one ever told me I was *that* kind of talented, I myself never felt I was talented enough, so I was going through circle and a dream is just a dream. Sometimes (up until today) I got anxiety because I couldn't put up a plan for achieving or enjoying this thing I /thought/ I was passionate about, so my mind would start racing. Basically just self-defeating myself. I started to do it again, though, the music. This time just trying to enjoy it, not for making music or making sure people in the industry would discover me, not so ambitious anymore.

My two cents, you're very much welcome to feel all those anxiety and overwhelming feelings, but really the only thing that could make a difference between your (and mine) situation and the next better phase is us finally doing something about it, even if it's just drawing a line, or dip your finger in it for 2 seconds. The point is, just throw yourself in it and let you enjoy all of it, the good, the bad, the fear, but try to focus on how it makes you feel good after you're doing it. I hope I make sense

 

[hellyeahwhatever]

When you first meet someone you like, and tell them you have BPD, they're all, "Oh, I can handle it." Everyone thinks they can fucking handle it, and then they end up thinking you're crazy, and like you said, using your illness against you.

I have been here. It hurt so bad I felt betrayed. Even though the other part of me kinda understand them, I mean how could they know it would've become so bad and ugly? They tried and they (sadly) just tipped their own lines and then blamed us for making them so.

Which kinda makes me scared to ever 'open up' or 'coming out' about this disorder. Part of me wanted to be understood that I have certain conditions under some triggers, but other part of me is just so scared people would eventually talk and judge me.

any experience about you finally open up/coming out about BPD to family/friends/loved ones?

 

[Angie74]

Be prepared to be judged and rejected, including by those in the mental health community. Most psychiatrists will openly admit they hate trying to treat anyone with this disorder. As for any friends you might have had? Watch them flee at a record pace. This is my reality anyway, and I've heard a lot of others say the same thing. The best I've heard said, is that maybe if you work extremely hard, that one day you will no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, and you may be able to "lose" the label. But nothing leaves your records. Once you've been branded, good luck. Sorry for the doom and gloom.

 

[Callousgirl]

Be prepared to be judged and rejected, including by those in the mental health community. Most psychiatrists will openly admit they hate trying to treat anyone with this disorder. As for any friends you might have had? Watch them flee at a record pace. This is my reality anyway, and I've heard a lot of others say the same thing. The best I've heard said, is that maybe if you work extremely hard, that one day you will no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, and you may be able to "lose" the label. But nothing leaves your records. Once you've been branded, good luck. Sorry for the doom and gloom.

@Angie74

Having this disorder is a lifetime mental illness. Yes, psychiatrists and the mental health community will try to prevent anyone to have this disorder confirmed. It is not like a personality disorder, or depression, were over time a different psychiatrist can come with a different judgement about someones mental illness. When I do see a new psychiatrist, and tell the person I am bipolar, they will not question the judgment of past doctors or mental health staff.

Being bipolar is like being left handed to me now, it is something I have to accept for the rest of my life.

 

[Angie74]

It actually is, unfortunately defined as a personality disorder.