BPD Support Thread

[hellyeahwhatever]

I acknowledge my fear of abandonment. I know I have it. And I haven’t dealt with it in a better way.

But today I felt unwanted/not enough to be an adequate partner and I was blocked through social media. Maybe it’s somewhat a form of abandonment. And I thought, “fine if you leave me if you abandon me, that’s fine. I deserve it anyway. You’re tired of me and m BPD and my rollercoaster mood anyway”

Does that mean I’ve accepted my condition or I’m just helpless?

Honestly I don’t feel like wanting to do anything improving now. Maybe I should just embrace that having BPD means small chance to none that people will ever trust you and want to be with you genuinely, and not leave you behind

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Will I ever be understood by anyone that does not have BPD? Or am I just destined in being misunderstood forever?

 

[Aurelia]

Will I ever be understood by anyone that does not have BPD? Or am I just destined in being misunderstood forever?

There are people out there without BPD who are with people who do have BPD and have taken the time to understand them and their disorder. But you can't expect people to be perfect when it comes to understanding us. We're not perfect either. No one is. People will make mistakes. We certainly make plenty of them and also have trouble understanding those without BPD. So you could say the same vice versa. As long as they make a sincere effort, though, to be loving, understanding, validating, and actually listen to what we have to say, that should be good enough in my opinion.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

There are people out there without BPD who are with people who do have BPD and have taken the time to understand them and their disorder. But you can't expect people to be perfect when it comes to understanding us. We're not perfect either. No one is. People will make mistakes. We certainly make plenty of them and also have trouble understanding those without BPD. So you could say the same vice versa. As long as they make a sincere effort, though, to be loving, understanding, validating, and actually listen to what we have to say, that should be good enough in my opinion.

It's just hard because I feel like I've never been understood by anyone who's not like me. I'm just too intense and wish I didn't come across that way.

 

[Aurelia]

It's just hard because I feel like I've never been understood by anyone who's not like me. I'm just too intense and wish I didn't come across that way.

Well, that's who we are. Intense. And yeah, most people can't deal with that. I honestly can't say I've ever come across anyone who has fully understood me either. But that was my original point. No one will ever fully understand because people are imperfect. We're imperfect too, and don't even understand ourselves half the time.

 

[Walker]

Will I ever be understood by anyone that does not have BPD? Or am I just destined in being misunderstood forever?

Like T says, I think people who have taken the time to understand those with BPD can surely understand you and get where you're coming from. Between the two of you then you meet in the middle somewhere, right? You try to verbalize what you need instead of acting out on emotions and they try to read what your actions mean and turn them into words for you.

 

[Butterfly]

Will I ever be understood by anyone that does not have BPD? Or am I just destined in being misunderstood forever?

I don't think anyone can 100% understand what anyone thinks and feels regardless of whether you have a mental health difficulty or not. And for example someone could understand @Aurelia but your BPD will be slightly different so the same person might not understand you at all. I hope that makes sense.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I feel like people don't understand when I try to explain the symptoms to them. I get told I have emotional problems but that's part of the disorder. And I feel bad if I impose on anyone.

 

[Aurelia]

I feel like people don't understand when I try to explain the symptoms to them. I get told I have emotional problems but that's part of the disorder. And I feel bad if I impose on anyone.

I've gotten told to just get over it and other similar things multiple times. People don't understand it because they don't feel what we feel. And even if we try to explain, most people still won't understand.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I just feel like a burden to most people, and I don't want to be that way. Sometimes I just wish I was normal.

 

[Auri]

I feel like people don't understand when I try to explain the symptoms to them. I get told I have emotional problems but that's part of the disorder. And I feel bad if I impose on anyone.

Explaining the symptoms to a person who's barely ever heard of BPD is only a first step, but you shouldn't expect this person to understand a lot at that point. "I fear abandonment" entails so many things, "emotionally unstable" doesn't say much about your actual reactions, "intense" can be interpreted in so many ways, etc.

They need to get to know you, to spend time with you, to experience these symptoms and to listen to you while the symptoms arise. It's a lifelong journey, but don't make it an ultimate goal of yours, because what you wish will never happen. Perfection doesn't exist, and as everyone has said, no one will ever understand you better than yourself, the same way you will never be able to perfectly understand another person, with BPD or not. Understanding yourself better and better is a more realistic lifelong "goal" and way more useful and healthier for you.

Sometimes I just wish I was normal.

The more you get to know people, to more you notice that "normal" doesn't exist. We all have our own definition of what's normal, and that is generally something we are not. You are you, you learn, you grow and you evolve, but you're you, you shouldn't be anyone else. You're the most beautiful version of yourself.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Explaining the symptoms to a person who's barely ever heard of BPD is only a first step, but you shouldn't expect this person to understand a lot at that point. "I fear abandonment" entails so many things, "emotionally unstable" doesn't say much about your actual reactions, "intense" can be interpreted in so many ways, etc.

They need to get to know you, to spend time with you, to experience these symptoms and to listen to you while the symptoms arise. It's a lifelong journey, but don't make it an ultimate goal of yours, because what you wish will never happen. Perfection doesn't exist, and as everyone has said, no one will ever understand you better than yourself, the same way you will never be able to perfectly understand another person, with BPD or not. Understanding yourself better and better is a more realistic lifelong "goal" and way more useful and healthier for you.


The more you get to know people, to more you notice that "normal" doesn't exist. We all have our own definition of what's normal, and that is generally something we are not. You are you, you learn, you grow and you evolve, but you're you, you shouldn't be anyone else. You're the most beautiful version of yourself.

You're right, I guess I'm just having a hard time believing in myself right now.

 

[Angie74]

I'm so glad this thread exists.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Does anyone else feel like they only stay alive not to hurt others? Like I'm not enough to stay alive for...I don't really see the value of my life. I see how I might have value to others, but not myself.

 

[Angie74]

I know this feeling all too well.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Does anyone else feel like they only stay alive not to hurt others? Like I'm not enough to stay alive for...I don't really see the value of my life. I see how I might have value to others, but not myself.

I've definitely felt that way often before.

Re the will anyone fully understand you? I don't fully understand myself ever so I definitely don't expect anyone else to fully understand me. I don't think it's possible for anyone to ever fully understand anyone, although as @Aurelia says if they put in the work and care enough they can get to a middle ground where you understand enough...

 

[Drea3127]

Hey y'all. I haven't been on here in about a year but I thought I would let some stuff out. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for a few years and I always knew something was off. I was finally given a diagnosis of BPD about 9 months ago. I have been going to therapy and DBT which has helped me SO MUCH. I'm less explosive and actually think about my actions which is definitely a chance.

But today I'm not feeling very skillful. I've been splitting on everyone, I feel like nobody is on my side, I feel like I can't trust anybody and I feel like nobody likes being around me or talking to me. Some part of me knows for a fact that none of this is true but it's still really affecting me. I keep dissociating and crying and I feel no energy. I just want to sleep. And idk what to do I just keep going more and more down a bad hole for the past few days. And I keep getting angrier.

 

[Angie74]

I hope you feel better, Drea. I am really struggling too.

 

[Aurelia]

Does anyone else feel like they only stay alive not to hurt others? Like I'm not enough to stay alive for...I don't really see the value of my life. I see how I might have value to others, but not myself.

I'm a little late on this one, sorry. Haven't looked at this thread in a while. But yes, it's common for us Borderlines to feel that way. I feel like I only stay alive for either my partner or my dog. I know I should want to for myself, but I just don't see anything special about myself to stay alive for. My thinking on the matter is "What's the point if you're alone?"

 

[NeveragainBread]

Hi. I have BPD and I’m currently spiraling and feel like everyone hates me....