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BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
So...I'm on drugs again...
...Lol, I'm just kidding. Sorry, kind of had to, it was too funny. But in a sense, you could say I am because I met a cute (and intelligent) metal guy...and now, I'm all giddy and shit. Lol. And NOT from work this time...so that's always a plus, right? :P
I may, of course, end up totally regretting this...but for now, at least, I'm smiling constantly talking to him, which is why I'm referring to it as being on drugs because that's what relationships basically still feel like to me lol.
IF we hit it off, which I'll know Monday night when I meet him, I'll definitely TRY not to rush anything, even through that shit has always been difficult for me. But I'm not one to say the L word first, at least...even if it feels like it. Too scared of rejection lol.
...Lol, I'm just kidding. Sorry, kind of had to, it was too funny. But in a sense, you could say I am because I met a cute (and intelligent) metal guy...and now, I'm all giddy and shit. Lol. And NOT from work this time...so that's always a plus, right? :P
I may, of course, end up totally regretting this...but for now, at least, I'm smiling constantly talking to him, which is why I'm referring to it as being on drugs because that's what relationships basically still feel like to me lol.
IF we hit it off, which I'll know Monday night when I meet him, I'll definitely TRY not to rush anything, even through that shit has always been difficult for me. But I'm not one to say the L word first, at least...even if it feels like it. Too scared of rejection lol.
And my husband is still being a manipulative ass, so nothing has changed on that note. Though, I am worried as hell about him not getting the medical attention he needs right now...and it's still tearing me apart, but I'm trying to keep my distance from the situation at this point because there's literally nothing I can do. I can't MAKE him got to the ER...it has to be his decision and he refuses and would apparently rather die, which is probably exactly what's going to happen at this rate and it's fucking killing me to know that.
He won't go because there's no one to take care of the dog. I even offered to pay for him to take the dog to the SPCA so he could go get treated and he won't do it. But even if we did move in together, let's say, hardly any apartments are going to to let us bring a 60-70 lb pit bull with us, who can't behave himself one bit. I love that dog too, but we're talking about his life here. And it's not like he'd be doing the dog any favors by fucking dying either...because then no one would be able to take care of him regardless. I won't be able to bring him to my brother's. But it doesn't matter what I say, he won't listen, so I just have to back off. I don't have a choice, as much as it breaks my heart.
He won't go because there's no one to take care of the dog. I even offered to pay for him to take the dog to the SPCA so he could go get treated and he won't do it. But even if we did move in together, let's say, hardly any apartments are going to to let us bring a 60-70 lb pit bull with us, who can't behave himself one bit. I love that dog too, but we're talking about his life here. And it's not like he'd be doing the dog any favors by fucking dying either...because then no one would be able to take care of him regardless. I won't be able to bring him to my brother's. But it doesn't matter what I say, he won't listen, so I just have to back off. I don't have a choice, as much as it breaks my heart.
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We all do, lol, because we're BPD :P it's literally the dopamine (that we otherwise severely lack) suddenly rushing through our brains and making us happy. The exact same thing as if I really were on drugs again, lol. Dare I say that this is probably better than the aforementioned option, but not by much. Because in the end, I'm still making myself more fragile by making choices that help me avoid my loneliness rather than face it and accept it. But I'm sure you weren't looking for a psychologocal/philosophical lecture lol...so I'll end it there and thank you for the well wishes. I hope it goes well also, but based on what I know of him so far, I think it will.
P.S...did I mention he's also really tall and part Norwegian?... 😍😍😍 (Okay, shut up, Feeling Brain; go distract yourself with something shiny or some shit.)
P.S...did I mention he's also really tall and part Norwegian?... 😍😍😍 (Okay, shut up, Feeling Brain; go distract yourself with something shiny or some shit.)
On another note, my mom surprisingly enough got me the most amazing fucking leather skirt. I fucking LOVE this thing, and it would totally go with the combat boots, leather jacket, and leather skull bag...but the only issue is that she ordered too large of a size. It probably should have been a small and she ended up getting a large because she thought the sizes might be smaller than normal, as it came from China. BUT it's literally about 1 to 2 inches too big on me. So that really blows.
