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BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
I do appreciate that because it 100% is not a merry christmas this year. I don't get to see my mom cuz my roommates boss and 2 coworkers got covid so I'm fucking quarantined. So, my bf (who I may have fucked shit up with AGAIN getting drunk and saying some shit that did not need to be said) is about 1900km away, I can't see my family at all, though my brother isn't seeing my mom either which I guess makes it even WORSE that I can't imo, and my roommate and I can't do much because we're staying away from each other as much as possible til we both get tested. But I really appreciate it. Thanks, it's nice receiving a message from SOMEONE today, cuz even though I have people irl, no one has even contacted me at all. I get they're busy though, not annoyed, just waiting.
If my family wasn't so damn rude to each other and critical...things really could be a lot better and easier. But they insist on doing so and then wonder why everyone's feelings get hurt. It's like I'm literally the only one who knows how to be understanding and tolerant...only when I'm not the one being criticized, of course.
So I take vitamins B12, C, and D3 daily, as well as a thyroid med and Lexapro. I usually take the latter meds first, because I need to take the thyroid pill an hour before I eat. I'm pretty sure I messed up and took the vitamins first, because I'm supposed to take those when I eat. So i took Lexapro and the thyroid pill just now. But I can't quite remember, so either I'm right and missed it earlier, or I just double dosed on them both. I'm a bit worried about that, and also the fact that my memory is basically shot.
I started getting sick almost a week ago and I still don't feel any better. Don't really feel worse either, I guess, but still...
Also, I just don't feel like doing shit anymore...I mean, literally, I just want to sit here and rot away at this point. Fuck work. Fuck society. Fuck people. I just literally woke up not caring anymore. Maybe it's a BPD thing, or maybe a "being sick" thing, or maybe I was just fooling myself this whole fucking time, who knows. I'm tired of guessing. Tired of caring.
Maybe I should have just kept failing at life alongside my husband after all. This doesn't feel like me anymore. I'm taking twice the amount of Suboxone I used to take, more klonopin also, just because I have it TO take and because I'm overwhelmed as fuck if I don't. So it would seem true that I really can't commit to anything seeing as this shit just hits me out of nowhere for no apparent reason. But even my husband doesn't really want me like this. He wants the person that I've been these past few months. Not the miserable fuck I am right now. No one wants me this way, and who can blame them? I don't either.
Also, I just don't feel like doing shit anymore...I mean, literally, I just want to sit here and rot away at this point. Fuck work. Fuck society. Fuck people. I just literally woke up not caring anymore. Maybe it's a BPD thing, or maybe a "being sick" thing, or maybe I was just fooling myself this whole fucking time, who knows. I'm tired of guessing. Tired of caring.
Maybe I should have just kept failing at life alongside my husband after all. This doesn't feel like me anymore. I'm taking twice the amount of Suboxone I used to take, more klonopin also, just because I have it TO take and because I'm overwhelmed as fuck if I don't. So it would seem true that I really can't commit to anything seeing as this shit just hits me out of nowhere for no apparent reason. But even my husband doesn't really want me like this. He wants the person that I've been these past few months. Not the miserable fuck I am right now. No one wants me this way, and who can blame them? I don't either.
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It could be either but it does sound like you’re splitting, which is definitely a bpd thing. It’s been happening to me ALOT at the moment which is really pissing me off but we’re pretty fucking strong to keep getting through it every time it happens. I think you’re awesome (I think you’re all awesome) but I know that you’re not going to feel that way at the moment and that’s ok but you will feel that way again.
I know you weren't asking me, but for me, it was completely useless. My issues aren't really "chemical" as much as "existential" one could say. That is, they aren't fixable by anything except an alternative perspective. So the only things that work are basically the ones that are mind-altering in some way. Granted, with Sub and benzos, no one in their right mind is giving me yet another mind-altering substance, so the next best thing would be gabapentin, which I stopped taking but am about to start taking again. It kind of is but isn't a narcotic. It's considered mind-altering in some ways and people can and do get high off of it, but it's still not technically a narcotic as far as I'm aware. All I know is, it increases GABA levels (our "happy" hormones) and helps with anxiety and mood stability...at least, for me.
It ok, thanks for sharing your experience with it 
Yeah I think I had heard that about gabapentin. I’m sorry that this is such an ignorant question but is suboxone like methadone? The only antidepressant that really seemed to make any sort of difference was sertraline but then it wasn’t doing the same for me as it had been when I first started taking them. So I went on to venlafaxine which triggered a manic episode (apparently that’s a thing but i had no idea medication could do that). So then I started taking aripiprazole which was just awful and I stopped taking after 6 days because I couldn’t cope with the side effects then I went on to lamotrogine which just made me want to eat everything so after all that I’m back on sertraline. I had been on propranolol as well for anxiety but had to stop when we started trying for a baby. And then before all that I had tried mirtazipine and citalopram but they did nothing.
Yeah I think I had heard that about gabapentin. I’m sorry that this is such an ignorant question but is suboxone like methadone? The only antidepressant that really seemed to make any sort of difference was sertraline but then it wasn’t doing the same for me as it had been when I first started taking them. So I went on to venlafaxine which triggered a manic episode (apparently that’s a thing but i had no idea medication could do that). So then I started taking aripiprazole which was just awful and I stopped taking after 6 days because I couldn’t cope with the side effects then I went on to lamotrogine which just made me want to eat everything so after all that I’m back on sertraline. I had been on propranolol as well for anxiety but had to stop when we started trying for a baby. And then before all that I had tried mirtazipine and citalopram but they did nothing.Granted, its purpose is basically the same...to stop cravings and help you get off the other shit (whatever opiates you were getting high on), but it's different in several ways. First, it has naloxone in it, so unlike methadone, one can't take an opiate and then take Suboxone right after without becoming horribly sick. Naloxone (Narcan) is what they use to bring people back from ODing. And vice versa, they also SAY that you can't take Suboxone and then an opiate right after either, because the naloxone is supposed to block it and you shouldn't feel high from it. But based on personal experience, that definitely depends on what dose of Suboxone you took and what opiate you're taking. Like, for instance, I could take 4mg of Suboxone and then shoot fentanyl and I'd still most certainly feel it all the same. However, 16mg of Suboxone...perhaps not or not as well. So that depends. Also, another difference is that it's much less painful getting off Suboxone than methadone. Methadone was the absolute worst detox I've ever been through, hands down...worse than both heroin and fentanyl. And then typically, with methadone, people have to go to a clinic every single damn day and get dosed, whereas Suboxone, they'll give you either a 2 week script or a monthly to take from home every day. So on all counts, I would say Suboxone is a much better option...but granted, some people have to be on methadone because they just end up selling their Subs and getting high anyway. With methadone, having to go get dosed daily, you can't do that. But you can also get high more easily without having to worry about being sick because there's no naloxone involved.
I've also tried basically all those other meds you mentioned, and they, too, haven't worked at all for me. But that's just my experience. I just got my gabapentin again...so hopefully, it starts to help somewhat.
I've also tried basically all those other meds you mentioned, and they, too, haven't worked at all for me. But that's just my experience. I just got my gabapentin again...so hopefully, it starts to help somewhat.
Ah right, that makes sense now because I was watching a film where it was set in a hospital and someone came in who had been made out to have taken an overdose and the nurse was talking about “narcan”and then gave them an injection. Thanks for being so informative, as I’ve said before I like learning stuff but please tell me to mind my own business if I ask too many questions lol.