BPD Support Thread

[Aves]

It wasn’t quite this post that I saw it on but it still mentions the eagerness to soak up information. I suppose it’s just someone’s opinion but everyone I’ve met so far with bpd appears to have that trait.

 

[Aurelia]

It could be bullshit or purely coincidental but I read that people with bpd tend to be very inquisitive and take a lot of interest in learning about things. It definitely fits with me anyway.

Yeah, because a lot of us like complexity and to be able to understand things. Normalcy is dull...simply going with the flow without learning anything is also dull. And we get bored easily. So yeah... as long as we're not in one of our "fuck everything" moods...lol.

 

[anona123]

Yeah, because a lot of us like complexity and to be able to understand things. Normalcy is dull...simply going with the flow without learning anything is also dull. And we get bored easily. So yeah... as long as we're not in one of our "fuck everything" moods...lol.

I think this has been a big problem for me - finding normalcy dull and wanting to change things all the time. Wish I had been more content with what I had. I'd like to regain much of what I rejected.

 

[Aurelia]

I think this has been a big problem for me - finding normalcy dull and wanting to change things all the time. Wish I had been more content with what I had. I'd like to regain much of what I rejected.

Me too. I've had so many chances at stability and fucked them all up because eventually I'd always get sick of the same routine. I'm trying it again now...but who knows how long I'll last, to be honest, before I do something stupid and impulsive again.

 

[Aurelia]

I feel like I simply did what was expected of me today, and for obvious reasons, that seems less than satisfying. Not that I would have rather done anything else in particular. So either I keep doing what others expect or my life feels completely empty and meaningless anyway, just for more reasons the latter way.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Lexapro was prescribed for my panic attacks, and I don't really have them anymore. I don't know how it works for depression, but I'm on the highest dosage. So i guess it depends what you take it for.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I think I'll get wrecked tonight because I don't care. If I have to choose between being abandoned or ghosted, I don't want either of them, so fuck it.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

This is so random, but a Four Loko Red tastes like Swedish fish. lol

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm listening to that song "Adam's Song" by Blink-182. I remember years ago when someone said their friend killed themselves, I said I was sorry and I got it. They said I'd never get it....you wanna take a bet on that? lol

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm still here though, but who knows why after 25 years or so of feeling suicidal? Idk but I am anyway.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

My mom doesn't seem to know what quiet voice is, even at 4 AM. If someone complains, I'll just blame her. lol

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Even I realize it's really late, so I'm lip synching instead of actually singing.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I was reading about *blank* suicides, can't say method obviously. But I was happy to think I might be on that list one day.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I fail at a lot of things, but I even fail at something as basic as being a good friend.

 

[Aurelia]

Lexapro was prescribed for my panic attacks, and I don't really have them anymore. I don't know how it works for depression, but I'm on the highest dosage. So i guess it depends what you take it for.

I can't really imagine that working for anyone for panic attacks, but I'm glad it did.

 

[Aurelia]

I was reading about *blank* suicides, can't say method obviously. But I was happy to think I might be on that list one day.

I'm feeling that way too lately. But I feel like something else will probably kill me before I even get the chance to at this point. I got even sicker as of last night...fever, puking, loss of vitamins and minerals due to the puking, and also much more emotional due to (I suppose) being sick...that's the same thing you were going through, too, when you were sick, if I recall, isn't it? I remember you saying you felt more emotional. Looks like the same thing is going on with me also...but like I said, considering everything I've already been through and gotten through, I don't see myself actually doing it unless somehow the impulsivity of it all got the best of me. But I'm assuming it probably would have by now if that was the case. So chances are something else will kill me faster than I kill myself...because lucky me, my resilience seems to be much higher than I'd like it to be.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm feeling that way too lately. But I feel like something else will probably kill me before I even get the chance to at this point. I got even sicker as of last night...fever, puking, loss of vitamins and minerals due to the puking, and also much more emotional due to (I suppose) being sick...that's the same thing you were going through, too, when you were sick, if I recall, isn't it? I remember you saying you felt more emotional. Looks like the same thing is going on with me also...but like I said, considering everything I've already been through and gotten through, I don't see myself actually doing it unless somehow the impulsivity of it all got the best of me. But I'm assuming it probably would have by now if that was the case. So chances are something else will kill me faster than I kill myself...because lucky me, my resilience seems to be much higher than I'd like it to be.

Yeah, I felt that way too, and I'm sorry to hear you're going through it now. I'm kind of the same way, I think alcohol might kill me before I have a chance to do it myself.

 

[Aurelia]

Well, all I know is, fuck work at this point...thats for damn sure. I went in for a week sick and it clearly did me absolutely no good. So I'm going to take as much time as I need to get better and I don't give a fuck what she or anyone else thinks at this point. Fuck if I'm going to continue to deteriorate just to keep this damn job. If she can't understand it then oh fucking well.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Well, all I know is, fuck work at this point...thats for damn sure. I went in for a week sick and it clearly did me absolutely no good. So I'm going to take as much time as I need to get better and I don't give a fuck what she or anyone else thinks at this point. Fuck if I'm going to continue to deteriorate just to keep this damn job. If she can't understand it then oh fucking well.

Exactly, don't let her manipulate you into working when you're sick. You need to focus on yourself and on healing.

 

[Aurelia]

It's possible my step-dad actually got me and my brother sick because he had just gotten a booster shot and was also sick and we went to see them on Christmas. Then suddenly I get all these new symptoms as of last night that I hadn't had before. And my brother now also has a fever as of last night just the same. I hate that fucking scumbag. Could have at least walked around with a mask on FFS.