Down a path

[1Lefty]

At the same time, I experience fear and anxiety. I've broken the images people have of me, by disappointing them, and feel anger or disgust towards me. I fail. A lot.
At the beginning of the year I made a choice to accept and care for this self, ragged and broken pieces and all. I have not succeeded. I've learned that the impacts, shame and neglect from past events have careied on, almost with a life of their own, like viruses.

yeah



when I have decent days, I can see dignity, and even beauty in the scars that come from surviving the emotional and mental damage

 

[may71]

I feel frozen

Do you mean like feeling cold, or more like paralyzed? Both? Neither?

 

[Windhover]

@may71 more like paralyzed inside, stuck, wrong, anxious, dark

 

[may71]

That sounds awful.

Hugs

 

[Windhover]

That sounds awful.

Hugs

Yep totally sucks.

hugs


I guess that, most likely it is from a level of stress I'm not able to deal with in a successful, healthy way. And at the end of it I either disappear over the ovean or make it to land

 

[AvidFan]

Sorry @seabird that you are experiencing such levels of stress, I hope you make it to land and that the different parts of you can come together to forgive each other. It sounds like you are going through an awful lot emotionally at the moment along with your plans. Thinking of you.

 

[Windhover]

Staying anywhere for long is lets the thoughts catch up with me. Holding still in mindfulness, I get a small break from thinking of it. Otherwise, for any peace, I have to keep my mind &/or body busy all the time.

 

[may71]

That's a great pic

I'm glad that mindfulness helps you.

 

[1964dodge]

Staying anywhere for long is lets the thoughts catch up with me. Holding still in mindfulness, I get a small break from thinking of it. Otherwise, for any peace, I have to keep my mind &/or body busy all the time.

View attachment 61011

that place looks beautiful and peaceful

mike.....

 

[Windhover]

hat place looks beautiful and peaceful

It is a good place. My brain, not so much.

 

[KM76710]

It is a good place. My brain, not so much.

It is a great picture and looks like a relaxing place. I hope your mind find that peace for yourself.

 

[1964dodge]

It is a good place. My brain, not so much.

your brain needs a good long vacation from your body. just to mention i do head seperations and vacation planning for heads, it's only $99.99 lol

seriously as you settle into your new life things should slowly turn to a time of peaceful and happy thoughts. you just have to be patient

mike....

 

[Windhover]

yeah



when I have decent days, I can see dignity, and even beauty in the scars that come from surviving the emotional and mental damage

I hope you're having decent days more and more. There's peace in what you say, finding some sort of quality, a valid positive result, in having survived, and the many scars. A bit of the sepression lifts.

 

[Windhover]

It is our right, in my opinion, to be able to decide when & wher. I don’t feel depressed about it, more like it’s the one thing over which I have control.

 

[AvidFan]

It is our right, in my opinion, to be able to decide when & wher. I don’t feel depressed about it, more like it’s the one thing over which I have control.

 

[Windhover]

hugs to anyone who needs a hug

 

[AvidFan]

I don't need one just now but appreciate it and send one back

 

[KM76710]

a few for all wanting or needing.

 

[1964dodge]

hugs to anyone who needs a hug

thank you for the hugs, i can always use hugs, and some for you

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

a few for all wanting or needing.

thank you

mike....