Down a path

[Windhover]

I'm not entirely certain, but I think I've managed to justify getting rid of all but 5% of my possessions. This will free me. No one needs this place anymore anyway. Since I own it, it is my decision alone.

There will more anxiety and some of it will be extreme. And there may be a worse loneliness. I won't know until after I fly, but opportunities must be taken.
Otherwise, I'll have the regret of not having at least tried.

 

[1Lefty]

I'm not entirely certain, but I think I've managed to justify getting rid of all but 5% of my possessions. This will free me. No one needs this place anymore anyway. Since I own it, it is my decision alone.

There will more anxiety and some of it will be extreme. And there may be a worse loneliness. I won't know until after I fly, but opportunities must be taken.
Otherwise, I'll have the regret of not having at least tried.

Congratulations,

for decisions, and trying and persevering. I believe in you

I've also wondered how many of my possessions I really need. If I downsized to a single room apartment, or a van on the road, could I be content with no more material goods than I could fit? What would I keep, what has value to me? What do I really own?

 

[Windhover]

Thank you @1Lefty
There is a lot to think about when choosing what goes and what will come along. It is a personal kind raw experience, emotionally speaking.

I hear certain people's voices from the past insisting the objects are more important than I am.

Maybe they are more significant, that's not for me to know.

I'm at the end of something, that is for sure. and I hope at the beginning of a better, less depressed life very far away from here.

 

[Windhover]

The plan B is not yet fully formed. I could be without a place to live if this goes wrong.

 

[1Lefty]

The plan B is not yet fully formed. I could be without a place to live if this goes wrong.

I'll offer my best wishes, cautious optimism, etc.

We believe in you

 

[AvidFan]

The plan B is not yet fully formed. I could be without a place to live if this goes wrong.

Sounds a bit like where I was last year, clearing out my stuff and taking steps that could leave me homeless in the worst case scenario. I can't believe how much stuff I got rid off that I don't miss at all. Also I can't believe how much stuff there is STILL to get rid of, I think I may still have about 40% left of what I had to start with. I may start clearing more as part of spring cleaning/clearing.

I wish you the best with your plans and executing them and riding the emotional turbulence that comes with big changes 💕💕💕

 

[Windhover]

AvidFan it is good to hear someone say:

I can't believe how much stuff I got rid off that I don't miss at all.

lol I should have a T-shirt with this on it.
I am still getting attacks of nerves whenever I think about allthe getting rid of stuff, and massive changes.
But it's definitely dropping off in intensity. A trickle of hope.

 

[Windhover]

@1Lefty thank you, I read this again after this morning's work and it helps a lot. It reminded me to give myself permission to not be scared all the time

cautious optimism,

 

[Windhover]

I feel frozen.
i can't do this right, and am probably going to make a monstrous mess of things.
I know sh won't help, nor alcohol. But both are advertising themselves. Nor any person help, and anyway there are no people here I am alone

 

[1Lefty]

I feel frozen.
i can't do this right, and am probably going to make a monstrous mess of things.
I know sh won't help, nor alcohol. But both are advertising themselves. Nor any person help, and anyway there are no people here I am alone

Its ok you're here

 

[1Lefty]

 

[AvidFan]

I feel frozen.
i can't do this right, and am probably going to make a monstrous mess of things.
I know sh won't help, nor alcohol. But both are advertising themselves. Nor any person help, and anyway there are no people here I am alone

 

[KM76710]

I feel frozen.
i can't do this right, and am probably going to make a monstrous mess of things.
I know sh won't help, nor alcohol. But both are advertising themselves. Nor any person help, and anyway there are no people here I am alone

Hopefully you will be able to calmly take things one at a time and not feel overwhelmed. I know that sometimes the worry may be worse than you might believe.

 

[Waves]

Hello Seabird, It is so hard downsizing whether by choice or force. Mine was by force after getting sick etc and moving. It is hard if not by choice and planned imao. If by choice you you have anxiety like me it is still very hard because of fears. I find having help helps a lot. Help with cleaning out, moving things and selling things online. Maybe someone in your life can be that support for you. Good luck.

 

[Windhover]

hi @Waves thank you. It is sort of like downsizihg. I'm going to a bigger house. But it's 8,500 miles away and I do not want to spend huge $ . There isn't anyone to help.

 

[Windhover]

I know that sometimes the worry may be worse than you might believe.

It's true I get on a loop of worry that I've set myself on a path I don't have the mental muacle to handle.

 

[Windhover]

Mental muscle that was supposed to say.

the next task is too hard, too sad. Overwhelming.

 

[Windhover]

It feels like I'm almost done with being alive.

 

[AvidFan]

It feels like I'm almost done with being alive.

I hope not.

 

[Windhover]

I get very uncomfortable and eventually unable to hold still if I have felt done with something or bored for long. I do not know what the paramaters of "long" are - but I must change. It seems no longer to have integrity to hold on. At the same time, I experience fear and anxiety. I've broken the images people have of me, by disappointing them, and feel anger or disgust towards me. I fail. A lot.
At the beginning of the year I made a choice to accept and care for this self, ragged and broken pieces and all. I have not succeeded. I've learned that the impacts, shame and neglect from past events have careied on, almost with a life of their own, like viruses.
The next step forward then, would seem to be allowing the damage to just be what it is. Begin letting the abused, sad parts of my mind and body be forgiven by the other parts.

I watched this, this morning and very much agree with what he has to say.

peace
and hugs