Down a path

[1964dodge]

may have posted this already somewhere. It's one of my favourite skies.

View attachment 65800

t's a beautiful sky

mike.....

 

[seabird]

colours for the pieces I'm working on

 

[seabird]

wishful thinking and late winter daydreams, no apologies

 

[seabird]

it took all my discipline not to pick up the phone today

 

[Jezah81]

wishful thinking and late winter daydreams, no apologies

View attachment 65870

Beautiful!

 

[seabird]

Beautiful!

yes I had to save that screenshot.
still dreaming

 

[1964dodge]

it's just as important to have our dreams as reality

mike....

 

[may71]

wishful thinking and late winter daydreams, no apologies

That's awesome!

 

[seabird]

I dreamt I had about a thousand tubes of paint.

 

[may71]

You're welcome to say more about the dream if you'd like

 

[seabird]

Sometimes my thoughts of how it looked and felt arriving, and getting into the city are clear and so intense, they're visceral. Walking out into the warm humid air, the coffee scent, the crowds, the ocean and then driving home. It's like I am there. If I won the lottery, I wouldn't have to be relying on anyone; I'd buy my own place. ... If it came true, would that be a dream or a nightmare.

 

[seabird]

Being aware as I can be at the moment of what a crappy person I've been, it allows the breaking of the relationship to be seen as somewhat of a better outcome. This way he can be free of me, and I haven't been at the house for months now, so he's likely completely over the mess I caused him by moving there. If only he'd been honest and told me not to l... well that is impossible as it is in the past. Maybe he wanted revenge for the big argument. He has achieved it, and more, as I am broken to pieces. Less important but sad and unsettling, is having left all the furniture I bought, and plants, and my collection of 25 years of sketches and the paintings. It's hard to be detached even though I don't have any way to get my stuff, no legal right to things I left behind. One the one hand, having sold my own house before moving to his was freeing. But now I am finding out again what it is like not having a place. It matches not having a heart, so that is kind of funny.

 

[may71]

Being aware as I can be at the moment of what a crappy person I've been

Why do you feel that way about yourself?

 

[AvidFan]

Being aware as I can be at the moment of what a crappy person I've been, it allows the breaking of the relationship to be seen as somewhat of a better outcome. This way he can be free of me, and I haven't been at the house for months now, so he's likely completely over the mess I caused him by moving there. If only he'd been honest and told me not to l... well that is impossible as it is in the past. Maybe he wanted revenge for the big argument. He has achieved it, and more, as I am broken to pieces. Less important but sad and unsettling, is having left all the furniture I bought, and plants, and my collection of 25 years of sketches and the paintings. It's hard to be detached even though I don't have any way to get my stuff, no legal right to things I left behind. One the one hand, having sold my own house before moving to his was freeing. But now I am finding out again what it is like not having a place. It matches not having a heart, so that is kind of funny.

I wish you could value yourself more and be kinder to yourself. You are dealing with enough loss, without punishing yourself. 😢 It's possible for other people to be crappy too, it's also possible for things to just not work out without anyone being crappy or it really being anyone's fault.

Hugs @seabird

 

[seabird]

Why do you feel that way about yourself?

lol that is a very, very long story of about 10 chapters.

Thank you for asking May.

 

[seabird]

without anyone being crappy or it really being anyone's fault

I shall use this as a kind of Turn Around Here sign for when I fall into the familiar dark thoughts.

hugs back AvidFan

 

[may71]

Thank you for asking May

You're welcome!

lol that is a very, very long story of about 10 chapters

You're welcome to tell it if you'd like, not matter how long a story it is.

You seem really nice to me, so it sounds like you're being really harsh on yourself.

 

[1964dodge]

Being aware as I can be at the moment of what a crappy person I've been, it allows the breaking of the relationship to be seen as somewhat of a better outcome. This way he can be free of me, and I haven't been at the house for months now, so he's likely completely over the mess I caused him by moving there. If only he'd been honest and told me not to l... well that is impossible as it is in the past. Maybe he wanted revenge for the big argument. He has achieved it, and more, as I am broken to pieces. Less important but sad and unsettling, is having left all the furniture I bought, and plants, and my collection of 25 years of sketches and the paintings. It's hard to be detached even though I don't have any way to get my stuff, no legal right to things I left behind. One the one hand, having sold my own house before moving to his was freeing. But now I am finding out again what it is like not having a place. It matches not having a heart, so that is kind of funny.

 

[seabird]

hugs back @1964dodge

 

[iloverachel]

Being aware as I can be at the moment of what a crappy person I've been, it allows the breaking of the relationship to be seen as somewhat of a better outcome. This way he can be free of me, and I haven't been at the house for months now, so he's likely completely over the mess I caused him by moving there. If only he'd been honest and told me not to l... well that is impossible as it is in the past. Maybe he wanted revenge for the big argument. He has achieved it, and more, as I am broken to pieces. Less important but sad and unsettling, is having left all the furniture I bought, and plants, and my collection of 25 years of sketches and the paintings. It's hard to be detached even though I don't have any way to get my stuff, no legal right to things I left behind. One the one hand, having sold my own house before moving to his was freeing. But now I am finding out again what it is like not having a place. It matches not having a heart, so that is kind of funny.

I don't know you personally but from the way you help others and spread positive messages on here I think you are an amazing caring person