Feeling more depressed lately

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I have been struggling with feeling more depressed lately. Just want to stay in bed and be asleep all day. Just haven't been feeling that motivated lately. I also came close to "method" on Monday. I really don't know why I've been feeling like this lately. Just don't care about life as much.

All I can think of that changed, is an abuse memory that is surfacing again. Last time I was able to push it away but this time I can't seem to. It is leaving me feeling ashamed and embarrassed of how my body felt. So ashamed that I would rather die than talk about it in real life.

 

[smackh2o]

I'm really sorry to hear that. You always seem to be there for everyone and I saw this and thought i'de sent my thoughts.
Sometimes, traumatic memories can be triggered when another event happens that your mind links to it.
I find that when you are depressed you hold yourself back from doing things because of the trauma and when something contradicts that it feels positive until you realise that's not what you believe at all.
Example: I met someone who was really nice and we got on great. It feels amaz...wait, I can't be with anyone after all that happened and the way I am now. Back to the comfort zone. Now I feel crap.
Sorry for the rambling. I guess I was just asking if something has happened which may have triggered these memories. Here to talk!

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I'm not sure what triggered them to come back at me again. I guess my brain just decided it was time to deal with them.

 

[smackh2o]

Brains suck. We would all be better with a couple of stones up there instead
Have you ever spoken about these problems in person to someone before?

 

[curlyq]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! Smackh20 is right, you're always so supportive of everyone else and seem like such a kind hearted person. You definitely don't deserve to feel like this. Are you currently seeing a therapist?

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I have told my family doctor about the memory the last time it surfaced. I am trying to convince myself to talk to her about it again. I am too ashamed/embarrassed at the moment to bring it up to my group counselling or my psychiatrist.

 

[curlyq]

How did you feel after talking to your family doctor about it last time? It can be so hard to work up the nerve, but I think usually, you feel a little better once you say it. I hope that was your feeling! I'm sorry that you had to deal with such an awful experience, whatever it was!

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I don't remember. I know that when I told her I couldn't really look her in the face

 

[smackh2o]

It's probably best to talk to your family doctor first like you said if you have already mentioned it because it's got to feel a bit less daunting as half the battle of telling her is done.

 

[Petal]

Hi sweetie, I am sorry these thoughts are resurfacing and recurring. I know you say you would rather die than talk about them...but do you mean that literally? Talking to your G.P is the best idea. You have being doing so well and I am so proud of you for reaching this far in life. Distract yourself as much as possible. You need to take care of YOU. Because YOU are important and don't deserve to be feeling this way, you have not done anything wrong. Always here for you xx

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I know you say you would rather die than talk about them...but do you mean that literally?

I am not sure. It is just so embarrassing