Almost exactly a week ago (minus about 30 minutes), a close friend of mine was found dead. The police say it was a suicide <mod edit- methods>. He was about to graduate, and recently got accepted to Graduate School. He was one of the happiest people I've ever known, and when we heard the news, no one even considered suicide a possibility. He was brilliant and never had significant trouble with his school work, so I'm sure it wasn't the stress, although he hadn't been sleeping much at all leading up to last week. He mentioned to me before that he was worried about not having ever had a relationship, and felt lonely, and gave the impression he was doubtful that he could ever find someone. The only way I can make sense of his suicide is if that's what led him to it. The university has given ample support for my friends and I, I've coped with and accepted what happened, and although I'm still grieving his loss, I'm doing much better now than I was a week ago. The problem I have now, and the problem I've been having for years, is that I've been having the same trouble as him. I've always wondered how much I could stand being alone and how long I could really last before ending it, and now my friend has done exactly what I've expected myself to do. I feel like I just got to the point where I could live with being alone for another few years, and now I don't. On top of that another close friend of mine told me he was starting to date a girl whom he had sex with which was his first time, and rather than being happy for him, all I can think is what's wrong with me that I can't have the same? I hate life, it sucks.