Hello i'm new here and i am a bit scared to post here but here it goes i am 25 years old and have been living as a hikikomori for about 2 years now for those who don't know hikikomori is a social condition in which the affected individual isolates themselves from society at home in their room for a period exceeding six months. The only time i actually leave the house is at night to get some food to eat because i don't want to be seen by other people i have been bullied abused and picked on my whole life and my upbringing definitely had a part in many of the contributing factors that made me the way i am today. I struggle with self loathing and suicidal thoughts and when i sit in my room and stair at the wall sometimes i question the meaning of life please don't judge me i probably will not post here much because it is very hard for someone like me to open up to other people because i have trust issues with others.