How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Pebble mouse]

I'm really upset. The NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) have cut my funding for support workers. I rely on these people (support workers) a lot. Now it looks like I won't be able to see my Friday worker. She takes me to see my dad weekly and helps me with cooking food. I need to see my dad, especially. I'm feeling reallly depressed about this whole thing. I didn't expect this crap under a Labor government. FUCK the NDIS

 

[Aurelia]

Mixed emotions.

 

[Aurelia]

My family are always pushing me to do what they want. What I want doesn't seem to matter. Right now, they want me to figure out what's going on with my medication and make a GI appointment, so I told them if they want it to happen, they can do it themselves.

 

[Angie]

I've been to the GP this morning. Being treated for another sinus infection. I'm tired of this.

Also tired of financial issues. Blah

 

[LumberJack]

I've been to the GP this morning. Being treated for another sinus infection. I'm tired of this.

Also tired of financial issues. Blah

Bah. Sinus infection? I hate those. So much pain and they can linger. I hope yours doesn't last too long though. I also feel you on the financial issues. Gosh, if we just didn't need money, how cool would that be?

 

[LumberJack]

I am having enormous problems with intrusive thoughts today. Seems like every time I switch from one task to another, there is another impulse or internal thought about suicide, as in something I should really, really do, and immediately if not sooner. They are rapid fire, too so I have been disoriented at times.

I have been checking them periodically because I'm worried they might morph into audio hallucinations, aka hearing voices. I don't know if that's truly a thing, i.e., I don't know if intrusive thoughts can become so intense that they start showing up as external input. So far they are internal, but sometimes it's like there is an actual invisible person just behind my left shoulder trying to grab me and take me away.

This might be my OCD talking though, because I do have obsessive thoughts about spontaneously having a psychotic break. I even did research on psychotic episodes to find out if I would be able to tell at the time, or if the psychosis is just what the affected person experiences as reality.

According to my therapist this is how OCD progresses, though, because I'm entertaining the intrusive thoughts. Investigating the truth or falsity of them amplifies the obsession. I picked up a meditation technique from a peer who shared that when any thoughts show up in his mind during sitting meditation, he greets them, and then dismisses them, for example, "Nice to see you! We can talk later." I'm trying this with my obsessions.

 

[Windhover]

@Pebble mouse I'm sorry that's happened. I read about how the government is cutting funds to NDIS and at thte same time supposedly changing taxes for the better. (Not using their name) they're massive liars who cannot even properly explain what theyve done when confronted by a journalist, because there isn't a good explanation.

 

[Windhover]

I do have neighbors. Such a blessing.

Thanks for the well wishes!

🩷 and, yay for neighbors! 🌻

 

[Lostman85]

Ready to die. Trying to figure out how got nothing nobody to talk to and nothing to live for. My life is over. Once I figure out the best way. Pain free and nobody would even care. I wish it was easy to die. My depression is maxed my mind is gone. I got nothing nobody. Please let me die in peace

 

[Pebble mouse]

I'm sorry that's happened. I read about how the government is cutting funds to NDIS and at thte same time supposedly changing taxes for the better.

I support the tax changes they have made. It should make housing cheaper for young people. But the NDIS cuts are just cruel. Thanks @seabird.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Ready to die. Trying to figure out how got nothing nobody to talk to and nothing to live for. My life is over. Once I figure out the best way. Pain free and nobody would even care. I wish it was easy to die. My depression is maxed my mind is gone. I got nothing nobody. Please let me die in peace

Hey.. we've got u..I'm so sorry that the pain is a lot rn..just hang in there rn..Stay,frnd....you're NEEDED and LOVED..

 

[nicktheundoer]

Bah. Sinus infection? I hate those. So much pain and they can linger. I hope yours doesn't last too long though. I also feel you on the financial issues. Gosh, if we just didn't need money, how cool would that be?

Yup..that would be cool..very cool(if we didn't need money)

 

[nicktheundoer]

I am having enormous problems with intrusive thoughts today. Seems like every time I switch from one task to another, there is another impulse or internal thought about suicide, as in something I should really, really do, and immediately if not sooner. They are rapid fire, too so I have been disoriented at times.

I have been checking them periodically because I'm worried they might morph into audio hallucinations, aka hearing voices. I don't know if that's truly a thing, i.e., I don't know if intrusive thoughts can become so intense that they start showing up as external input. So far they are internal, but sometimes it's like there is an actual invisible person just behind my left shoulder trying to grab me and take me away.

This might be my OCD talking though, because I do have obsessive thoughts about spontaneously having a psychotic break. I even did research on psychotic episodes to find out if I would be able to tell at the time, or if the psychosis is just what the affected person experiences as reality.

According to my therapist this is how OCD progresses, though, because I'm entertaining the intrusive thoughts. Investigating the truth or falsity of them amplifies the obsession. I picked up a meditation technique from a peer who shared that when any thoughts show up in his mind during sitting meditation, he greets them, and then dismisses them, for example, "Nice to see you! We can talk later." I'm trying this with my obsessions.

I'm sorry..just bear it.. maybe you would really find a way to deal with this..

 

[nicktheundoer]

aimless. I've spent so much time looking for meaning, for purpose, for a reason to keep myself alive even though every single breath I take feels akin to sliding a razor down my throat, even though every path I walk down seems to be made of nothing but hot coals, even though I despise this wretched place I call my home with every fiber of my being.

I hate. I hate so, so inexpressibly much. I want to die.

Sincerely praying for you, friend...take care..hugssssss🫂🫂🫂

 

[1Lefty]

Relieved, sad, blessed

The move from my house, to my girlfriend's house, is complete. Sad that there were many possessions left, and though some would have been good donations to a charity thrift shop, there wasn't enough time for that to happen. It seems wasteful, but I'm relieved that my house is finally listed for sale, though because of the disrepair, it won't bring much. Still, I'll have a better roof over my head, and again be with someone who loves me. Sixteen years ago, when my wife passed, I didn't think I had a chance for love again.

Blessed that my youngest sister has been there for me always, but especially the last few years. She went with my doctor appointments pre-surgery, and since she had a similar heart surgery, asked the right questions there. She took off work to take me to and from my rehab appointments - 3x a week.
And during this prolonged (a year!!!!) move, she's encouraged me, and worked as hard as I did, without complaint or excuse. Even keeping an eye on my house and my gf's house, while I've been out of state, with my gf in her current home.

I keep reminded myself of something I heard in recovery - that wild monkeys had been caught by hanging a bottle with a thin neck in the trees. The bottle had a bright ball inside, and when a monkey reached in through the neck to grab the ball, its fist couldn't pass back through the opening. So, being trapped because of not wanting to let go. I think that applies to me also, that I'm stuck in the past if I can't let go, and I can't progress.

And I have doubts that I would still be here if it wasn't for this place and the people here, so I'm grateful for that, too.

peace

 

[Windhover]

I support the tax changes they have made. It should make housing cheaper for young people. But the NDIS cuts are just cruel. Thanks @seabird.

You're welcome @Pebble mouse I support that part, it's just I feel strongly about how they should've increased tax specifically and only for landlords and corporations who own multiple apartments and houses, and put it towards fulling funding NDIS, and easing loans for new homeowners.

 

[LumberJack]

Got 10 hours of sleep last night, so already a win for today. But, I had a dream last night about my last job. I was still working there but unpaid in the hope that my old job might reopen someday. That felt humiliating. I also feel ashamed of not having any job for 15 months; I could have started and been laid off again from an entire new position by now (tech jobs typically see rolling layoffs; every few months a big company sends a few thousand up to 15k newly unemployed developers into the market). I want to work.

 

[HappyKitty]

Had a great birthday week, so greatful to be surrounded by someone who cares for you😺🥰

 

[AvidFan]

Stretched. Been to see physio and had my legs pulled all over the place. Nothing she does can replicate the pain I have walking, or after walking - she did find some painful spots but apparently my exercises have been making my legs stronger. Had a better day today overall compared to how the week started, which was very nightmarish.

 

[bubblebear]

Hey, it's been a long ass week, very eventful and taxing emotionally. And this is supposed to be my week off work oh well. I'm exhausted now and just lying down. It's quiet I think which is good at least.