I know the feeling. Something I try to remind myself of is that mental health issues are disorders precisely because they don't have a clear explanation. If anxiety were justified, it would be caution, not anxiety. I also feel like any time I I "should on myself" over the past is not helpful. We cannot change our past behaviors, and the fact that we would do differently today is a sign that we have grown in wisdom.
I believe that comparison very truly is the thief of joy. This is whether we are comparing ourselves to people who have what we wish to have, but also if we are comparing ourselves to others who have suffered more adversity than we think we have. The first consideration is that we might be discounting our own perseverance and deciding that we are less strong than others see us as. The second is that suffering really is hard to quantify. There are some clear examples, e.g., losing a son or daughter is going to be more painful than losing a pet. The latter is still pain, though. Alternatively, it's also the case that grief is grief regardless of the loss in question. I used to think that I was better off than widows who had lost their spouses after decades of marriage. Being older, and having built more connection with their spouse, I imagined that such a loss would be much harder to endure. When I expressed this to someone in that situation, though, she advised that losing a partner when you haven't had enough time together seemed harder to her. Since that happened, I feel like it's not a useful comparison to worry about.
That said, it is still a very ingrained habit for me, and as you may have observed here, I still do it to myself. We are all works in progress. I really hope you can start to see how much you have to offer. Not in spite of your past, but because you have been through it. Externally imposed suffering can make us softer, more open, and more empathetic. The reverse (anger, bitterness, hostility) may also occur, and I think it's even more likely. For me, though, I feel like I can offer support to people who have lost someone very close, if the other person is open to that. So, maybe your current difficulties could enable you to express care and empathy for others in a similar "boat," and who knows - these others may benefit from your example. Okay I will stop with the happy-sappy positivity now. I just wish I could help ease your pain. You DON'T deserve that!
I believe that comparison very truly is the thief of joy. This is whether we are comparing ourselves to people who have what we wish to have, but also if we are comparing ourselves to others who have suffered more adversity than we think we have. The first consideration is that we might be discounting our own perseverance and deciding that we are less strong than others see us as. The second is that suffering really is hard to quantify. There are some clear examples, e.g., losing a son or daughter is going to be more painful than losing a pet. The latter is still pain, though. Alternatively, it's also the case that grief is grief regardless of the loss in question. I used to think that I was better off than widows who had lost their spouses after decades of marriage. Being older, and having built more connection with their spouse, I imagined that such a loss would be much harder to endure. When I expressed this to someone in that situation, though, she advised that losing a partner when you haven't had enough time together seemed harder to her. Since that happened, I feel like it's not a useful comparison to worry about.
That said, it is still a very ingrained habit for me, and as you may have observed here, I still do it to myself. We are all works in progress. I really hope you can start to see how much you have to offer. Not in spite of your past, but because you have been through it. Externally imposed suffering can make us softer, more open, and more empathetic. The reverse (anger, bitterness, hostility) may also occur, and I think it's even more likely. For me, though, I feel like I can offer support to people who have lost someone very close, if the other person is open to that. So, maybe your current difficulties could enable you to express care and empathy for others in a similar "boat," and who knows - these others may benefit from your example. Okay I will stop with the happy-sappy positivity now. I just wish I could help ease your pain. You DON'T deserve that!
