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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I feel pretty hopeless and overwhelmed about paying for dental costs. I hate overthinking and stressing about it. I should have just gone and worried about the cost later, but that seemed irresponsible, and I hate to go into something unprepared.
I've been reviewing dental codes, costs, and insurance policies, and calculated an estimate for the total cost of the dental work I need. Hell, with how much I've researched, I could be working in the billing department. I am learning how to read X-rays, tooth charts, types of tooth surfaces, and all procedures I might need, so I won't be taken advantage of at the dentist, because they do that a lot.
I just don't trust people anymore. I mean, I really never did, but I wasn't this freaked out and stressed about it before. But the way this pain is kicking my ass, it just makes me want to run up into any dental office. I am afraid of doing that because I want to see a good dentist, but that seems like it's a dime a dozen, and my anxiety just makes it worse.
I am afraid I might not pick the right one and have to start the whole process over again looking for one.I hate my life, I hate depression, I hate greedy providers, and I hate this whole system.
I hate psyching myself out. It seems I have done that a lot in my life. Then my depression comes in and takes over me, and I'm mentally paralyzed for the next couple of months, not able to do anything.
Well, on the bright side of depression, it makes me stop ignoring myself and the trauma I experienced, and made me start paying attention to what I like, who I am, my strengths and weaknesses (which I knew but couldn't be because it wasn't allowed), and rediscover the person inside who got boxed away and trapped in my fantasy.
I’m pretty self-aware of the world, but when it came to me I neglected myself because that is what everyone else did. I accept the fact that my family never loved me, especially my parents. They use my love and naivety for their power. They have been sabotaging me. It hurts, but this has been holding me back.
I've been reviewing dental codes, costs, and insurance policies, and calculated an estimate for the total cost of the dental work I need. Hell, with how much I've researched, I could be working in the billing department. I am learning how to read X-rays, tooth charts, types of tooth surfaces, and all procedures I might need, so I won't be taken advantage of at the dentist, because they do that a lot.
I just don't trust people anymore. I mean, I really never did, but I wasn't this freaked out and stressed about it before. But the way this pain is kicking my ass, it just makes me want to run up into any dental office. I am afraid of doing that because I want to see a good dentist, but that seems like it's a dime a dozen, and my anxiety just makes it worse.
I am afraid I might not pick the right one and have to start the whole process over again looking for one.I hate my life, I hate depression, I hate greedy providers, and I hate this whole system.
I hate psyching myself out. It seems I have done that a lot in my life. Then my depression comes in and takes over me, and I'm mentally paralyzed for the next couple of months, not able to do anything.
Well, on the bright side of depression, it makes me stop ignoring myself and the trauma I experienced, and made me start paying attention to what I like, who I am, my strengths and weaknesses (which I knew but couldn't be because it wasn't allowed), and rediscover the person inside who got boxed away and trapped in my fantasy.
I’m pretty self-aware of the world, but when it came to me I neglected myself because that is what everyone else did. I accept the fact that my family never loved me, especially my parents. They use my love and naivety for their power. They have been sabotaging me. It hurts, but this has been holding me back.
I’m feeling good! I was feeling pretty terrible after I had another scary anger eruption. I took the risk of reaching out to my aunt who is the closest in age to my dad, because I wanted to get some perspective on his issues.
She really didn’t think what I was talking about was a lot like him, and we talked about my life shortly. We figured out together that my unemployment is stressing me out and that is probably where the pressure comes from.
We also talked about all sorts of intellectual topics and were chatting for over an hour. She also gave me a pep talk about the strengths that she sees in me, which is good because I was not feeling great about my own value.
The risk was that I didn’t know if putting myself out there would be a burden on her. She said that I could call her anytime about anything and that feels great. This is the kind of topic that I cannot discuss with my mom, who really only wants to problem solve. I don’t need suggestions, though, I need to talk through my feelings and behaviors. So now I have someone and I don’t feel as isolated.
She really didn’t think what I was talking about was a lot like him, and we talked about my life shortly. We figured out together that my unemployment is stressing me out and that is probably where the pressure comes from.
We also talked about all sorts of intellectual topics and were chatting for over an hour. She also gave me a pep talk about the strengths that she sees in me, which is good because I was not feeling great about my own value.
The risk was that I didn’t know if putting myself out there would be a burden on her. She said that I could call her anytime about anything and that feels great. This is the kind of topic that I cannot discuss with my mom, who really only wants to problem solve. I don’t need suggestions, though, I need to talk through my feelings and behaviors. So now I have someone and I don’t feel as isolated.
I'm not sure what the words are for the feelings. Anxiety is a big part of it, and it can trick me into thinking all sorts of crap. The sense of facing how much suffering has to happen is depressing, saddening, and draining. I wish I could heal, and I wish there was something I could do to help all of us heal
Anxious. My threat alarm has been on high alert all week. I wanted a Saturday morning with low input but of course someone bangs on the door. I checked the spyhole to see a workman in hardhat, which is a nightmare scenario for me - what fresh hell is this, goes my brain. He went away pretty quickly and didn't put anything through the door so could have been a scammer or anything. Just leave me alone!
Sorry you are suffering @nicktheundoer
Sad. Yesterday I double checked with my friend that she'd be watching Eurovision with me like the last 5 years . It's always been a good laugh. Of course she said. It's started and I messaged to ask if she's ready. Phone is off - single tick, messages not going through. So I'm watching on my own feeling abandoned ☹️
I’m on a break in the middle of a volunteer shift at the equine center. I got to meet a couple horses! That feels good- I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like I could just hang out with them for hours. They have different personalities, ofc, and a couple are super sweet.
Another was less interested in me, but I always let an animal come to me unless a human more familiar to them is there and directing me. The more outgoing ones let me pet them on the side, which is how we were trained (no touching their faces). Anyway, just sort of feeling them up close is something that I found calming.
The work is pretty much barn maintenance so I leveled out some pens where I met a few equine friends, and I watered down the “hot walker” because it was dry and needs to be damp for the horses to use it. It is part of the sports medicine facility here. These horses get really pampered, like I want to come back as a horse to end up here later, lol. Additionally, it feels good to do something that helps others and I need the exercise, too, lol.
I am going nuts over my financial stress, but I’m also getting some help with how to minimize my tax burden since I’m living off of early withdrawal from my IRA. I think this is improvement, though, because yesterday I couldn’t even look at my balances for the checking account and credit card. I looked today and it was not as bad as I thought, and getting over the resistance made me feel less helpless. I’m motivated to start getting my materials together for job hunting. I don’t know if I will get around to it today because I tend to feel more resistance when I’m sitting down to do it. So I’m not going to beat myself up and I’m satisfied with any forward progress.
Another was less interested in me, but I always let an animal come to me unless a human more familiar to them is there and directing me. The more outgoing ones let me pet them on the side, which is how we were trained (no touching their faces). Anyway, just sort of feeling them up close is something that I found calming.
The work is pretty much barn maintenance so I leveled out some pens where I met a few equine friends, and I watered down the “hot walker” because it was dry and needs to be damp for the horses to use it. It is part of the sports medicine facility here. These horses get really pampered, like I want to come back as a horse to end up here later, lol. Additionally, it feels good to do something that helps others and I need the exercise, too, lol.
I am going nuts over my financial stress, but I’m also getting some help with how to minimize my tax burden since I’m living off of early withdrawal from my IRA. I think this is improvement, though, because yesterday I couldn’t even look at my balances for the checking account and credit card. I looked today and it was not as bad as I thought, and getting over the resistance made me feel less helpless. I’m motivated to start getting my materials together for job hunting. I don’t know if I will get around to it today because I tend to feel more resistance when I’m sitting down to do it. So I’m not going to beat myself up and I’m satisfied with any forward progress.
I think change has happened more than I gave myself credit. I thought there was a lot of work to do to get back to any kind of normality. But, after trying out a few of social interactions lately I realized how good it was to get back to my solitary life. lol Am I getting to be a hermit, yeah maybe. I might make a goal of getting a little place after all.
