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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I was in a bit of a spiral yesterday. I realized my daughter may never welcome me. Ive already gone thru the grieving process...she left to live with her father at 15. She's now 30. Its been many years of estrangement, although at one point, when I had my own apartment she'd come over and study, when she was studying to be a nurse and even said, "mom, you did good for yourself".
I sent her baby clothes and gifts and havent heard back. I followed up with a text saying I hope she had a good summer and that her family is doing well. No response. I know its the same old story, but some days are worse than others. On top of that, feeling lonely lately. I spend way too much time by myself and dont want work to be my only social outlet. Thanks for reading this post.
I sent her baby clothes and gifts and havent heard back. I followed up with a text saying I hope she had a good summer and that her family is doing well. No response. I know its the same old story, but some days are worse than others. On top of that, feeling lonely lately. I spend way too much time by myself and dont want work to be my only social outlet. Thanks for reading this post.
Sorry @SillyOldBear 🥺
At the risk of prying, do you feel comfortable mentioning what her issue is with you? If not, please don't hesitate to say "no." I ask because if she did not live w/ you from age 15 on, then maybe she has some untrue assumptions behind the estrangement.
I'm going to get into some life story stuff below, so I'm putting it in spoiler tags for the sake of brevity...
In reading your posts, it does seem like you've tried to apologize but maybe there's something else she's pissed about. I don't expect you to particularly know.
My spidey-sense tells me that your ex poisoned her against you. In other words, mild brainwashing. It happened to me, and I think that this is done in 99% of divorces that happen with kids still in the home, with the exceptions being the most amicable of separations. I would guess it is going to impact the growing child more if only one side is badmouthing the other. It sucks, it's not fair, but I'd be really surprised if it's not true.
I don't have any advice at all, but I would be pleased if you could move through this pain. Of course, I can't move through my own pain, except in therapy. I know how hard it is, well for me, anyway. Hugs
I'm going to get into some life story stuff below, so I'm putting it in spoiler tags for the sake of brevity...
From my perspective, which turns out to be a story: I was estranged from my father for about 25 years, until he died. I was not unhappy when I got the news. The reason is that he abandoned the whole family and then relocated to a state where they don't have laws to put liens on income for being a deadbeat dad. In other words, my mom was on her own with 4 kids still in the house. The oldest had already set off on her own. All I wanted was an apology. I never got it, so I never spoke to him again.
He reached out over fb one time with some low-effort message expressing a desire to connect. Zero acknowledgement of the pain he inflicted. Not just on me, but the entire immediate and extended family. Additionally he was really unstable; I heard from a couple of his siblings who did stay in touch, but he eventually estranged them, too. Major rage issues - he apparently would just out of nowhere have a huge outburst and verbally abuse them. Nobody needs to take that; I don't blame them. I grieved losing a dad at age 14. That is how old I was when he decided paying child support was not something he cared for.
At the same time, I did not want to be estranged from him while I was still alive. I just wanted him to take responsibility for what he did to us.
For my mom's part, she did apologize to us for the chaos and hurt that happened while were growing up. I have reconciled with her but not all of my siblings have. I'm very glad because we are moderately close now and I enjoy her company. This being said, she has her own issues, too, but that's true for everyone so I can't really resent that aspect, lol.
He reached out over fb one time with some low-effort message expressing a desire to connect. Zero acknowledgement of the pain he inflicted. Not just on me, but the entire immediate and extended family. Additionally he was really unstable; I heard from a couple of his siblings who did stay in touch, but he eventually estranged them, too. Major rage issues - he apparently would just out of nowhere have a huge outburst and verbally abuse them. Nobody needs to take that; I don't blame them. I grieved losing a dad at age 14. That is how old I was when he decided paying child support was not something he cared for.
At the same time, I did not want to be estranged from him while I was still alive. I just wanted him to take responsibility for what he did to us.
For my mom's part, she did apologize to us for the chaos and hurt that happened while were growing up. I have reconciled with her but not all of my siblings have. I'm very glad because we are moderately close now and I enjoy her company. This being said, she has her own issues, too, but that's true for everyone so I can't really resent that aspect, lol.
In reading your posts, it does seem like you've tried to apologize but maybe there's something else she's pissed about. I don't expect you to particularly know.
My spidey-sense tells me that your ex poisoned her against you. In other words, mild brainwashing. It happened to me, and I think that this is done in 99% of divorces that happen with kids still in the home, with the exceptions being the most amicable of separations. I would guess it is going to impact the growing child more if only one side is badmouthing the other. It sucks, it's not fair, but I'd be really surprised if it's not true.
I don't have any advice at all, but I would be pleased if you could move through this pain. Of course, I can't move through my own pain, except in therapy. I know how hard it is, well for me, anyway. Hugs
