How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

Woke up after 4.5 hours of sleep. Out of nowhere I am having flashbacks of being held in a place where my human dignity was actively violated. I am incredibly angry and I know it’s only hurting me at this point. It seems like this spins up when I feel moderately bad or worse.

Probably because that’s the way I felt in the midst of being punished but not being told what I did wrong. I have been doing very poorly with self care. Diet and hydration are especially hurting me lately. I have not exercised in over a week on top of that.

 

[Angie]

I am feeling alone and overwhelmed. Most of that I "think" is coming from unresolved medical issues. A big player is also college work, which I am keeping ahead on a bit, but is a huge workload.

I find it impossible to relax. I think of method. bah

 

[AvidFan]

Improving. I slept through last night. Have no ill effects from my long walk with hill yesterday. My tooth pain itself is reducing but have a pretty sore gum area which could be due to the mouthguard. I've managed to chew a few things which wakes it up but not being woken by 10/10 pain in sleep is a move in right direction - and it's generally quiet until it gets any pressure on it.

 

[Windhover]

@LumberJack Yeah, it's tempting to indulge in imagining how that'd turn out - meaning meeting their aggression with yours. But oc it'd be wrong in several ways, with the first to come to mind how it'd muddy up your own spirit to do so. The context was one of the oldest ones in human history: 💶👜; I said no. At first I was overwhelmed with shock and disappointment at their recent behaviours. Now, I am okay as I've seen thses kinds of persistent bullying patterns. It's interesting I remembered being warned about it years ago by a wise old guy who saw through her bs.

I slept much better, more solidly through the night. Someone here mentioned backing off on drinking excessive water; this was what had been waking me up lol thank you.

 

[DarkNightshade]

Today I'm calm and clear-minded. This is a relief.

 

[LumberJack]

@LumberJack Yeah, it's tempting to indulge in imagining how that'd turn out - meaning meeting their aggression with yours. But oc it'd be wrong in several ways, with the first to come to mind how it'd muddy up your own spirit to do so. The context was one of the oldest ones in human history: 💶👜; I said no. At first I was overwhelmed with shock and disappointment at their recent behaviours. Now, I am okay as I've seen thses kinds of persistent bullying patterns. It's interesting I remembered being warned about it years ago by a wise old guy who saw through her bs.

Well, I would leave the hammer in the car, and probably the baseball bat. Probably.... but yeah it would damage my moral compass to literally do it. I haven't used my hammer in a while, though.

If their belligerence came out of you saying "no," this could be their shock at you daring to stand up for yourself, and so attempting to punish you so that you don't try it again. However, at least in my development of how to set boundaries, which I'm still pretty terrible at but now I'm not entirely a doormat, people were shocked at first. Kind of taken aback with a look suggesting they might be thinking, "how dare you say no... TO ME!" I stuck to my boundaries, though, and explained where I was coming from, as in that I would love to help them, however a bunch of other people would be disappointed over what I would have been doing in the same time. So a work thing, in other words. Calm, rational, this is what I can do and this is what I need... and after consistently behaving like this over a couple more occurrences, we had a better working relationship. The thing is that I had earned their respect, whereas a doormat doesn't get too much respect.

Not saying this is the case for you, but it's one possibility. Another possibility is that this person lacks empathy or in some other way feels entitled to dominate you . That is not someone anyone needs in their life. Sorry if I'm being too emphatic about this.

I slept much better, more solidly through the night. Someone here mentioned backing off on drinking excessive water; this was what had been waking me up lol thank you.

lol. I do that sometimes. (unfortunately there is no rain/lightning cloud emote here)

 

[Lane]

Ive done a pretty good job keeping myself busy so far this Labor day weekend so that I dont get anxious. Today, going to look for a pair of jeans and maybe see the Spiderman movie. Hope everyone here had a good weekend

 

[LumberJack]

Been up for an hour. I must still be catching up on sleep. I didn’t get to bed on time, so it was 8hrs.

Today I feel that numb sort of depression that makes every step feel like it takes twice the willpower to even happen. The familiar squeezing sensation that I imagine as a giant boa constrictor trying to squeeze the life out of me. It’s a little comforting. I know this territory.

 

[cymbele]

Feeling somewhat guilty. My needy friend needs a friend to hang out with and while I hate to be alone sometime I do not wish to be with him because he drags me down into depression. He admitted to me that he was somewhat jealous of a boyfriend when I was dating someone else - my only boyfriend in 15 years but I do not find him attractive and if we are friends I wish to find someone who is on a outgoing somewhat intellectual level. He gets upset because he wants to present me to his church friends but I don't want any misconceptions.

So i told him I had to mow the lawn because between battery charging and mowing it really does take a couple of hours. All he would want to do is watch tv and play on his laptop. He would want my company so it's not enough to invite him up and let him do his thing. But am feeling guilty like I always do when I put him off. But I have things to do.

 

[Windhover]

Needing change. Less thinking more doing. It needs to be manageable, which requuires mindfulnes and more strength.

 

[1964dodge]

Damn it Mike! Cut it out. No more infections for you. I have heard that shingles can be brutal and hard to get rid of even for a somewhat healthy person. Sending hugs.

thank you barb. i'll try to stay healthy for at least 3 days lol

mike....

 

[AvidFan]

Needing change. Less thinking more doing. It needs to be manageable, which requuires mindfulnes and more strength.

You are strong, you just have to practise the mindfulness to see it! ❤️❤️

 

[AvidFan]

I'm awake and somewhat apprehensive. I have a call scheduled from GP, and in the allotted 10 minutes to discuss a complex 4 month history, am not sure how it's going to go. Will it be straightforward with a sensible medic? Or will it be an argument fest where I have to argue the case against incidental x ray findings for a muscular issue, and can I avoid having "basically past it" added to my medical record when it doesn't reflect reality. We shall see. Had to be up early as the call is given a window between 8am and 1pm which is not great for my schedule, so am trying to get woken up with coffee right now.

 

[Lane]

Needing change. Less thinking more doing. It needs to be manageable, which requuires mindfulnes and more strength.

You got this Windhover.

 

[Angie]

I'm awake and somewhat apprehensive. I have a call scheduled from GP, and in the allotted 10 minutes to discuss a complex 4 month history, am not sure how it's going to go. Will it be straightforward with a sensible medic? Or will it be an argument fest where I have to argue the case against incidental x ray findings for a muscular issue, and can I avoid having "basically past it" added to my medical record when it doesn't reflect reality. We shall see. Had to be up early as the call is given a window between 8am and 1pm which is not great for my schedule, so am trying to get woken up with coffee right now.

Keep us posted.

 

[Angie]

Broken and beaten down.

I ended up at ER last night via ambulance, came home 4 hours later with a diagnosis of vertigo.

Saw my primary doctor today, got a referral to an oral specialist for my mouth issues. It is so hard to eat now.

blah

 

[SillyOldBear]

Broken and beaten down.

I ended up at ER last night via ambulance, came home 4 hours later with a diagnosis of vertigo.

Saw my primary doctor today, got a referral to an oral specialist for my mouth issues. It is so hard to eat now.

blah

So what is causing the vertigo? Did they check your ears?

 

[DarkNightshade]

I've been feeling fine and stable for 3 days in a row now. I hope this will last.

 

[Gonz]

Fidgety, anxious, can hardly sit still. I’ve got this feeling like something bad is about to happen, but I don’t know what.

 

[AvidFan]

Baffled and exhausted.

I had my call with doctor - it went fine, told not to worry about x ray, just normal wear and tear, and all my bloods are normal. In fact my cholesterol is actually down on 2015 and 2019! So I am doing something right somewhere!

More than I can say for my now useless phone. I was looking at my phone, when a text message said I had a voicemail. Funny, my phone hadn't rung! And there was no missed call. It was from the doctor. So I had to phone back in a panicked state.....

To cut a long story short my calls now all go to voicemail and my mobile phone does not ring. No call incoming, no missed call. Outgoing calls work.

I somehow how found a service online and got one free call to call my phone - it actually dialled, from New York... But that is the only call it has received all day. Been asking people to ring me, and everyone says it just goes to voicemail.

Yes I have changed every setting. Not even AI can solve it, already done everything it suggests. So have bought a cheap sim for my spare phone just in case. As I might need it when things like ambulances or doctors have to phone me back in future, FFS.

The call was fine like I say, but this phone mystery is what's messed me up. So bizarre - especially to get one random international call from a free service to dial it, while everything else goes straight to voicemail.

I am tired now