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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
So my grandma passed just now. Everyone actually saw this happening for a few months now, but it actually happened when i am back home. My father's family had no idea im studying abroad and kept questioning my mom and dad what I am up to in such a nosy way. If this would happen when i was in italy and i wouldnt be able to attend the funeral, they had no idea where i am and would think i skipped the funeral on purpose. Knowing them, they would talk sh*t about me. Or maybe get even more nosy about what I am up to.

Unlike the aunts and uncles tho, i liked my grandma. She was a nice person. I was here for around 10 days before she had a stroke and went to a coma, and i knew she was already sick. I did plan on seeing her in my visit, but i guess i was lazy and didnt get to see her for one last time.
The last time I saw her goes back to 2 years ago when i was flying to italy for the first time. I went there to say goodbye, without actually saying it. She had no idea i was leaving because me and my parents thought its for the best the my dad's family doesnt know im gone. She cried a lot when she saw me, because i dont visit her often. My heart is heavy.
Very sad to hear of the loss of your grandmother.
 
These are a really heavy combination of burdens, I'm sorry Holding my breath. I was wondering about your leaving the school, as you'd mentioned it a few months ago. Is there any way / time in which you could take a little vacation so as to celebrate the good work you did for all those years? Here is a hug for you if it helps.
Thank you, that’s very kind of you. My adult kids have been lovely about it, it doesn’t make my husbands lack of empathy any less painful, but it’s nice to have their support. Xx
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
I'm up and awake, as I have the maintenance guy coming to look at one of my many issues and as luck would have it he chose a morning slot so it's going to be a long day. I feel a little anxious and nauseous, but nothing too bad as yet. Just on my second and final coffee (have cut down from 3 with all the anxiety lately!)
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Hopefully OK so far. Am doing financial calculations and working out best ways forward. If repairs are going to cost megabucks, I need to be in the best position possible by reducing any outstanding debts with savings as I'd have to look at an advance on my mortgage as the cheapest finance option. Will feel painful, but am thinking of the reduced monthly outgoings, have already cut out several £100s and am going to go through with a tooth comb and cancel anything not needed, along with thinking about switching on some things. My energy is cheap, which is one good thing, I fixed before it got expensive and seem to keep finding fix deals with my provider - think they're happy to keep people on a lower rate as long as they stay! My broadband on the other hand promises no existing customer will pay more than a new customer and is advertising deals £50 a month cheaper than I'm paying. 🤨
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Confused.com (LOL). Both my mobile and broadband are with the same provider, it suits my needs, got unlimited calls and more than enough data, and the broadband works (apart from the weird new router) along with the mobile. Looking at switching the mobile and broadband deals seem to be all separate and I get a discount for having both with the current provider. Plus the last time I had to change a nano sim card I nearly had a heart attack when it flicked off under the counter top- how do you handle something so tiny with grown man shaky fingers and finesse it into the slot on the tray without touching the gold bit when there's about 1mm of room all around the side, without dying from the fiddly anxiety of it all?! I am thinking maybe I pay a bit more at the moment, but the hassle of swapping routers again, then sim cards then choosing activation dates and trying to keep my current number (essential for work) is all too much of a juggle to think about just now. So I might leave that for a bit!
 
So my grandma passed just now. Everyone actually saw this happening for a few months now, but it actually happened when i am back home. My father's family had no idea im studying abroad and kept questioning my mom and dad what I am up to in such a nosy way. If this would happen when i was in italy and i wouldnt be able to attend the funeral, they had no idea where i am and would think i skipped the funeral on purpose. Knowing them, they would talk sh*t about me. Or maybe get even more nosy about what I am up to.

Unlike the aunts and uncles tho, i liked my grandma. She was a nice person. I was here for around 10 days before she had a stroke and went to a coma, and i knew she was already sick. I did plan on seeing her in my visit, but i guess i was lazy and didnt get to see her for one last time.
The last time I saw her goes back to 2 years ago when i was flying to italy for the first time. I went there to say goodbye, without actually saying it. She had no idea i was leaving because me and my parents thought its for the best the my dad's family doesnt know im gone. She cried a lot when she saw me, because i dont visit her often. My heart is heavy.
I'm sorry you lost your grandma
I'm sorry some of your family is being difficult
We're here for you

peace
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
45 minutes left of the window this window guy said he would call round in 🤨

I hope he's not like the handyman I got round many years ago. He was deaf as a post, about 98 years old, and to fix my leaking shower he just squirted silicone sealant all over the existing sealant (which I now know is totally pointless, as it won't stick, you're supposed to strip off all the old sealant first, at least I know that now!!). On the other hand he did fix my cupboard door, you never know what you're going to get with these people!
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Well he turned up in the time window he specified, he had a uniform on with a logo, and seemed a fairly friendly and OK guy. While talking about the windows he said he could do brickwork and other things too. So I had him look at the wall at the back, I didn't get a rushed intake of breath and a "Oh my God your wall is going to collapse" kind of reaction and he said he could repoint the bits that need doing and said the rest looks OK. Also said the front looks OK too. He did say he would repoint with cement which sounds dodgy as I've read that lime mortar needs to be used on my age of property, but maybe cement will be OK if it's just the bottom of the wall and props that up. He also said the wall looks like it was repointed within the last 5 years. I've been here 23 years and it was done before I moved in which makes me wonder if he's just bullshitting me.

I am not sure whether my feelings of relief are all too good to be true. He's going to email me a quote for both jobs. In the past I've had people visit and then quote something utterly ridiculous because they didn't want the job and then ghost me. I might have to go through the process of getting a few people out. Dare I be hopeful that it's going to cost £100s rather than £10,000s? I'm sure I'm due more anxiety, there is just so much conflicted information online. Whoever had this house was an incompetent DIYer (the windows are sealed with mastic instead of silicone and they installed a shower surround made of wood, duh, the kitchen was a disaster but I had that all put in new after a flood). Problem is I know very little about these things and there are lots of strong opinions online.

At least I've done something and made some progress which has knocked any anxiety on the head for the time being, I also managed to interact with him without becoming a trembling wreck (like I was when I was dealing with the roofer chap, I could barely get keys into doors.

Today is a win so far. I might look at breakfast/lunch.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
So my grandma passed just now. Everyone actually saw this happening for a few months now, but it actually happened when i am back home. My father's family had no idea im studying abroad and kept questioning my mom and dad what I am up to in such a nosy way. If this would happen when i was in italy and i wouldnt be able to attend the funeral, they had no idea where i am and would think i skipped the funeral on purpose. Knowing them, they would talk sh*t about me. Or maybe get even more nosy about what I am up to.

Unlike the aunts and uncles tho, i liked my grandma. She was a nice person. I was here for around 10 days before she had a stroke and went to a coma, and i knew she was already sick. I did plan on seeing her in my visit, but i guess i was lazy and didnt get to see her for one last time.
The last time I saw her goes back to 2 years ago when i was flying to italy for the first time. I went there to say goodbye, without actually saying it. She had no idea i was leaving because me and my parents thought its for the best the my dad's family doesnt know im gone. She cried a lot when she saw me, because i dont visit her often. My heart is heavy.
Sorry for your loss Kitty.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
Emotionally exhausted. My husband is unable to give me any form of emotional support. I don’t even ask him or tell him what’s happening because he will ignore me or change the subject.
Today was the school staff leaving doo. I am leaving after 15 years at the school and I am sad to leave. I am very lucky to have worked in a school where they cared about both staff and students. I knew I was going to find today difficult but a few things happened today, which I won’t go into now, which made the day so much harder. That, and my mother is causing problems, I don’t know if it’s mental illness physical illness or most likely both. The hardest thing for me to get my head around today was the way my husband has offered zero support, zero compassion, but on the other side has been quick to message me when he can’t find something and how he cut his finger whilst looking for it, which will be my fault because I decided not to reply to his message when he messaged me saying he couldn’t it. He wants to drag me into anything he wishes but I get nothing in return. Life sucks. I’m stuck.
It all must be very difficult to go through Holding my breath. I commend your good work for the 15 years at the school.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
I was thinking yesterday that I'm not able to see my grandchild, my other daughter was just offered a new job and is getting older, my niece will be leaving, life is just passing by. It may be right to just give up now. Why keep trying? I just do life half assed anyway, my hearts not in it like when I was younger. And I wish my insecurities and problems would go away...in a perfect world, ha.
 
I was thinking yesterday that I'm not able to see my grandchild, my other daughter was just offered a new job and is getting older, my niece will be leaving, life is just passing by. It may be right to just give up now. Why keep trying? I just do life half assed anyway, my hearts not in it like when I was younger. And I wish my insecurities and problems would go away...in a perfect world, ha.
Don’t give up. I get it. It’s like I have no purpose. I still don’t. What you need to do is find that purpose in life. Yeah I have a grandchild who I see but I feel that I am just existing. I usually combat the feeling by volunteering but that doesn’t make a difference. You contribute a lot on this forum and you are very helpful. Join meetup and do some activities that get you with people who share the same interests. That’s what saved me after the divorce. I understand you.
 

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