How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

Stoic I suppose today. Just trying to get through today and the next week rather than the rest of my life.

 

[puffymilk]

I'm okay

 

[LumberJack]

I’m in so much pain that I’m surprised that I have neither fainted nor thrown up yet. I’m feeling like I might do one or both at any moment, but I guess I would have had to have eaten something to be able to throw it up. I have never fainted, unless you count concussions. I guess I am stuck.

 

[AvidFan]

I’m in so much pain that I’m surprised that I have neither fainted nor thrown up yet. I’m feeling like I might do one or both at any moment, but I guess I would have had to have eaten something to be able to throw it up. I have never fainted, unless you count concussions. I guess I am stuck.

Oh no, I am sorry you are in so much pain. What's wrong? I hope it eases off as soon as possible. Or you can get help if needed 😟

 

[SillyOldBear]

I’m in so much pain that I’m surprised that I have neither fainted nor thrown up yet. I’m feeling like I might do one or both at any moment, but I guess I would have had to have eaten something to be able to throw it up. I have never fainted, unless you count concussions. I guess I am stuck.

I can so relate to this Jack. The pain has to end sometime. I hope it does for both of us soon.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Thanks for the being here. Your kindness means everything. It’s scary to feel such sadness. I have cried a lot again today. I hope it is the sadness trying to leave my body.
I always appreciate this community. Thanks for being you.

 

[cymbele]

Two more nights of pain and supposedly generally pain free living. Thoughts are crossing my mind that have subsided since I was in the hospital mental health ward. I don’t know how 1964dodge aka Mike does it. Possibly the bad day I had today plus the pain is more to do with the thoughts arising as I am wondering if it is worth living without a purpose. I hope that the pain goes away. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I’m rambling. Good night all.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Two more nights of pain and supposedly generally pain free living. Thoughts are crossing my mind that have subsided since I was in the hospital mental health ward. I don’t know how 1964dodge aka Mike does it. Possibly the bad day I had today plus the pain is more to do with the thoughts arising as I am wondering if it is worth living without a purpose. I hope that the pain goes away. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I’m rambling. Good night all.

I hope that your pain goes away too. You deserve much better.

 

[I_waste_everything]

guilty.

i have to clean, but im so tired. demoralized too

 

[AvidFan]

Ok but tired. Body didn't really let me sleep at all, but I got up and thrashed out some work, kept active, went to a work meeting, managed some emails and did some shopping, and still did my night walk to commune with the felines. With treats fresh out of the packaging 😽 So I hope I sleep tonight as I have a pretty long day tomorrow with video calls and other work stacked up....

 

[Inanimate]

Like I’m being tested by one insult after another. Because a few things went wrong, I feel like setting fire to everything else.

 

[LumberJack]

Oh no, I am sorry you are in so much pain. What's wrong? I hope it eases off as soon as possible. Or you can get help if needed 😟

I mentioned that in the post immediately before this one. It’s a reply to your comment on my thread in the My Story section.

There is no help. I’m not going to make that mistake again. My therapist is trustworthy, but I have never worked with anyone else in this state who was doing much more than keeping a chair warm so they can punch a time clock. Then, I end up even worse off than before.

Sorry but I am raw about this today. I noticed on the emotional pain chart that calling a crisis line immediately is advised at level 10. Believing that a crisis line would help is what led to the worst decision I have ever made at any age. Anyone who suggests a crisis line is my enemy. With any luck I will be dead before I screw myself over harder than that.

 

[seabird]

@LumberJack I hope you stay with us. There's support and love coming your way from Sf. I'm pretty sure neither AvidFan nor anyone else would suggest you do anything that'd trigger even more dire impacts on mental health.

(h) if you want.

 

[seabird]

I'm okay in a venn diagram of homesickness, trepidation, sad, lonely misery.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I'm okay in a venn diagram of homesickness, trepidation, sad, lonely misery.

 

[ClassicsFan]

Like I could close my eyes and fall asleep.

 

[I_waste_everything]

I mentioned that in the post immediately before this one. It’s a reply to your comment on my thread in the My Story section.

There is no help. I’m not going to make that mistake again. My therapist is trustworthy, but I have never worked with anyone else in this state who was doing much more than keeping a chair warm so they can punch a time clock. Then, I end up even worse off than before.

Sorry but I am raw about this today. I noticed on the emotional pain chart that calling a crisis line immediately is advised at level 10. Believing that a crisis line would help is what led to the worst decision I have ever made at any age. Anyone who suggests a crisis line is my enemy. With any luck I will be dead before I screw myself over harder than that.

I am sorry that what's supposed to help you, hurt you instead. I bid you finding of what you need.

 

[LumberJack]

I'm okay in a venn diagram of homesickness, trepidation, sad, lonely misery.

that sounds like not the best place to be in. All those at once doesn't sound like what I'd call OK. IDK. I am barely coherent anymore.

 

[LumberJack]

@LumberJack I hope you stay with us. There's support and love coming your way from Sf. I'm pretty sure neither AvidFan nor anyone else would suggest you do anything that'd trigger even more dire impacts on mental health.

I cannot tell you how much this means to me right now. However, since I'm me, I'm going to try.

Spoiler: words. hundreds of them.

I've been doubting my own mind, but for you to connect the three of us shows that I'm not just making all this up. That's how bad it is, though. I'm doubting whether I am a real person, or was ever a real person. The more likely scenario is that I'm nothing more than a loose conglomeration of random thoughts spewing words into the WWW with no physical basis at all.

These are intrusive thoughts. I know they are and that I can disengage from them. Why do I keep forgetting this capacity when I need it most? Probably because I don't want to make it after all. JFC. I am arguing with myself in a reply to your post. I'm sorry.

(h) if you want.

My tagline is "huggy bear," because I always want hugs.

I want all the hugs and I want to give all the hugs. Only, I have to keep that in check because most people do not think it's cool to hug everyone they've run into 3 or more times. But I need hugs. It's like a vitamin to me.

 

[LumberJack]

I am sorry that what's supposed to help you, hurt you instead. I bid you finding of what you need.

Thank you for your empathy, but I later found out that my experience is common, if not typical. A small minority of people get real help. It's a scam. The fact that it's supposedly the right thing to do to call a crisis line eats at me every time I read such a suggestion. That's the very foundation of their scam. I wish that nobody on the planet was allowed to make suggestions out of a fucking policy manual instead of their own experience.

My imagined dialog: "Call a crisis line!" ... "have you ever called a crisis line?"... "No, silly, I am the professional. You are the patient. I don't have suicidal urges to contend with! " .... "Okay then shut TF up until you, personally, have spent 72 consecutive hours or more in a psych ward!"