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How to overcome self sabotage?

Discussion in 'Self Care and Healthy Lifestyles' started by Coleslaw124, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to getting what I need or want out of life. I quit too soon and panic too easily. I want to start over with a new goal but I don't know where to start or how to prevent the past from repeating.

    What gives you purpose? How to you define success and what keeps you motivated? How do you get over the fear of failure?

    Y'all have been so helpful I'd love to hear your thoughts.
     
    Cagla, Lilyfrog and Reaver like this.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I guess the stock answer is therapy or a self-help book, though I think it's also possible for the answer to just come from yourself.

    It might help to start with a small goal, maybe even the smallest goal you can think of. If you are able to achieve the small goal, it may give you a boost.

    I think that suffering is bad and happiness is good. So I think I would like to make suffering as little as possible and happiness as great as possible.

    Life all too often makes unreasonable demands on us. If you take life as you find it, and try to make the best that you can out of it for both yourself and others, that is something heroic. You don't really have control over the results of your actions. Just doing your best, then accepting what comes, is the best that could be expected from anyone

    I guess if you fail often enough, you start fearing it less
     
    Coleslaw124 likes this.
  3. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    I think being kind and helping others is success. Way too many only think of themselves and those they care about. Motivation is different for everybody. What has always kept me going is to try and make the world a little better any way I can.

    U are at a good age to think about what u really want out of life. Just be very careful about regrets. They can be very brutal when u get older. What do u want most? What will u regret the most if u don't do it? (I'm not asking of course, just things to think about) Be very careful about putting off to tomorrow. Time can go by faster than u realize.

    Failure is always better than regret because at least u tried. Best wishes
     
    Coleslaw124 and may71 like this.
  4. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    Unfortunately I already have a good number of regrets and burned bridges. A bit reason I ended up on here. I don't want to build up more reasons to hate myself in the future :/
     
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    It's possible to stop regretting though. Sometimes it's also possible to mend a bridge that you think has been burned.

    There are things that I regret in life. I sometimes feel like there is some other, better path my life might have taken, and if I had these particular, critical moments to do over, everything would be different and better.

    The only remedy I've found is to take that yearning and to try to use it to transform my life going forward. So I say to myself, "I'm not going to let an bit of beauty that might have been in the world slip through my fingers without a fight. I can't change the past, but I can try to bring beauty into the world on the path that I'm on".

    This is actually a big part of what motivates me to be part of SF
     
  6. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    Not gonna lie, I keep coming back to this because it has stressed me out so badly. I come here to get rid of my suicidal feelings but man has the though that any delay will destroy the little future I might have triggered some horrible ones.
    I don't know what I want but the pressure that life will be misery if I don't figure it out fast and get it is gonna kill me
     
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think what Dawn was saying was that if you really wanted to do something, like go on a vacation to a particular place, and you put it off for 30 years and ended up never going, then that would be bad.

    I don't know, I guess Dawn knows what she meant better than I do, but that's how I interpreted it.

    It sounds like right now, just being gentle with yourself and lowering your stress level would be better than trying to figure out your future.
     
    Coleslaw124 likes this.
  8. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    I should say I don't blame Dawn for my anxiety issues and I am sorry if I sounded hostile at all. I know she's just being real but you're definitely right. I need to work on enjoying today before I panic about tomorrow.
     
    may71 likes this.
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't think you sounded hostile
     
  10. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    Hi. I don't really know what to say to this. I didn't mean to cause u any anxiety or panic and I was only trying to help. U are still young and if u get your anxiety under control, then u will be able to see things in a clear and calm way. Meds help a lot with anxiety and panic. I really hope u feel better soon. Take care
     
  11. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    Thank you Dawn, I'm sorry if I made feel bad. I have a lot of responsibilities and not a lot of cash, so I often feel like I have a lot of options. Too many people suffer if I fail. I already have so much debt. Regrets are just something that scare me.
     
    Dawn likes this.
  12. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    It's okay. Thank u for saying that, i really appreciate it. I'm so sorry I scared u. I didn't mean to at all! I have anxiety and panic attacks. Xanax helps me a lot. I know that fear is a horrible feeling. I have so much of that and it is really hard to to deal with.

    Regrets are the worst. I have so many and I am having a very hard time trying to cope with them.

    I hope that that things get better for u and the weight on your shoulders is lightened up. I just wish u peace.
     
    Coleslaw124 likes this.
  13. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    You as well my friend <3
     
    Dawn likes this.
  14. Cagla

    Cagla Well-Known Member

    i write when i feel like sinking...
    maybe therapy , it did not work on me, but self can fight it sure. the key answer is self. maybe reading some Nietzsche -big moustache guy- help either.
    fear of failure... it is almost not escapable for me friend. i accepted already i am a loser. so i have no answer for this question. but somehow if you find your dream way and go for it, the fear will lessen.
    i sincerely send hugs ,take care :)
     
    Coleslaw124 likes this.
  15. Alwayswrong

    Alwayswrong Well-Known Member

     
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  16. Alwayswrong

    Alwayswrong Well-Known Member

    Some time ago, I was standing at a streetcorner waiting for the green light. There was a firefighter water faucet surrounded by pipes. Everybody dodged it. But there came a child. He was as high as the faucet. He invented a thousand ways to climb the pipes and the faucet. Just for fun. Just for the feeling of conquering it. There were no prizes and nobody was watching his "adventure" (but me). It was him and the faucet.
    Motivation is like a burning fire within. You're being fired like an arrow to your target and need is so deep that it doesn't matter what it takes. It's like an obsession. If the purpose were easy to attain, you would feel "flat". You can see it in a tennis championship or in any sport: some players, in critical points, become conservative; they play not to lose the point. So, they are stiff. But the champions, even being down in the score, play each point as THE ONE AND ONLY POINT in the match. They RISK. And, in taking such a risk, they enjoy. That's why they are relaxed.
    Have an intense life. Enjoy. Try. It's an incredible feeling. It's worth it!!!
     
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  17. Cagla

    Cagla Well-Known Member

    wow I like this comment...
     
  18. Alwayswrong

    Alwayswrong Well-Known Member

    Awww!!! Thank you, Cagla!!!
     
  19. brokengirl86

    brokengirl86 Active Member

    Making things pretty or nice. I like to clean and to paint rooms that badly need it. I love the before and after pictures. As for success I guess I use to define it upon social norms, my parents goals or wants, it actually caused great grief for a long time and I allowed my life to get so messed up. Now I am starting to see success is a individal assessment of oneself. I ask myself do my actions and choices lead to the betterment of my life, am I putting forth the best possible effort in my life pursuits (if not then I try to put forth my personal best effort not compared to someone else's just my best), and am I satisfied with my behavior and emotional responses with others and my effort on self care and if all that is going to the best of what I am trying to obtain from life then I seem myself successful. To stay motivated well I am not any good at that I feel like I am failing and try to give up. However I never give up for long. I just keep trying. Well getting over failure is hard on anyone. I find that failing enough time wears off the sting a bit over time. I also find it helps if you don't tell anyone that you are trying something you have failed before or are repeatedly having setbacks that way you can fail a few times and no one knows and then once you start trying and trying you'l stop failing and then at that point depending on what it is your attempting people would notice the difference or hard work.
    Anyway that is my interpretation of those questions hope it helps
     
    Alwayswrong likes this.
  20. The best and possibly only way of getting over the fear of failure is to fail over and over again. The more you fail, the less afraid of it you will be. And the less afraid you are, the more you will actually succeed because you'll try a lot more new things.
     
    Alwayswrong likes this.