I can't take it anymore...

[Nosferatu Likes Cookies]

My high school journey will come to an end this summer. Although it's been an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for the world, there's only one thought that gets me sad every time it crosses my mind: her.

I met her 4 years ago, and almost instantly took a liking to her. We got very close to each other and would talk almost every day, until that dreadful day 2 years ago when my worst nightmare came to life: she found a boyfriend. Although at first I tried to convince myself that he was just a friend, eventually I was forced to accept the truth. It would rip my heart to shreds seeing her hanging out with him, which, to make matters worse, became an everyday sight. After the initial 3-4 months, though, we started chatting regularly again, but the pain only intensified. I tried to repress my feelings for her, to convince myself that I wasn't really in love with her and the only reason why I felt this way was because she was the first girl I got super close to. But after getting to know and hanging out with a bunch of other girls, I realized that no one was quite like her. She had this unique charm that made me go weak at the knees.

I've never confessed my feelings to her. I didn't want to, because I didn't want to risk losing her forever. But I can't take it anymore. The pain is slowly sapping the life out of me. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Should I muster up the courage to confess everything to her, knowing that she has a boyfriend, should I just walk out of her life forever, or should I continue playing the waiting game, even though it's getting harder and harder with each passing day?

 

[PaladinofKnights]

Yo man, I knew a dude who killed himself because he couldn't stand being rejected by a girl it was horrible decision on his end, no question. Keep playing the waiting game as much as it sucks if she moves on from that guy tell her how you fell if not just be a friend. But Please don't throw ur life away.

 

[yozhik]

Yeah even if you need to distance yourself from her a little bit...you're in the fishbowl of hs rn there are other people for you even if it doesn't feel that way rn. Try not to torture yourself over her the best you can. Telling her how you feel is a real gamble. Considering she has a bf there is a very real chance that she views you as a good friend which is very different and your romantic feelings can destroy that friendship.

 

[Flaxney]

Perhaps you should try to find someone else to direct your romantic feelings towards? If you cut her out of your life you might regret it, and it will make things worse. Telling her about it is a probably a gamble as Yozhik said. And it might make your friendship awkward. You should probably move on and try seek a romantic partner elsewhere, while retaining your platonic relationship with your friend. Sadly we cannot change everything so we must adapt and try to focus on other things.

 

[Baicha]

Oh bless you, this is so hard to live with, yearning for someone you can't have is soul destroying. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
But - loving someone who doesn't love you is never going to work and, what's more, you deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you!
If you can bear the pain if being 'just friends' then be just that and wait until she isn't romantically involved with anyone, but don't jump in too fast, rebound relationships rarely end well. Then you can decide if the risk is worth it.
Whatever you decide, neither is an easy option. I hope things work out well for you