I don’t feel safe being alone anymore.

[Soda-Voxel]

I keep imagining, planning, researching horrible things. The urge to hurt myself is too great. When I’m alone in my room I’m thinking of bad things. I can’t imagine what I could do next time I am home alone. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t trust myself anymore, because of how much I hate myself and desire to cause myself harm.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this Soda-Voxel.

I'm guessing from the tags on this thread that you mostly want to vent, but I can try to help if you'd like.

I hope things can get better soon.

 

[Champagne]

Hey, sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes its hard to ease the negative thoughts when you are alone and surrounded with, well...just you and sad frame of mind, feeling terrible and depressed but its good that you recognise this.

If there are certain triggers that cause you to feel way, is there anything you can do to surround yourself with more people until the dark thoughts pass thus feeling safer again? If not could you try something new that might help such as mindfulness, your favourite music, I find mindfulness colouring helps at times. I hope you find something that helps.

 

[Anonymous ID]

I keep imagining, planning, researching horrible things. The urge to hurt myself is too great. When I’m alone in my room I’m thinking of bad things. I can’t imagine what I could do next time I am home alone. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t trust myself anymore, because of how much I hate myself and desire to cause myself harm.

Try not to be alone while your like this. Thanks for sharing and please continue to do so. We are here for you; we care about you. I hope you find the strength to carry on and get the help you need/deserve. Life is hard but you have to think about the people that care about you. There is enough heartache in the world without losing you

 

[johnDoen]

I keep imagining, planning, researching horrible things. The urge to hurt myself is too great. When I’m alone in my room I’m thinking of bad things. I can’t imagine what I could do next time I am home alone. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t trust myself anymore, because of how much I hate myself and desire to cause myself harm.

I have this kind of game you might want to try in order not to think too much about those bad things.
Take a look outside of your house and pick the first random person you see. It can be your neighbor or a stranger on the street. Make sure to avoid any eye contact with that person and guess what that person is doing and thinking. Basically, you will be making up a fictional backstory for that person, though avoid any sort of discrimination and humiliation while doing so.
If you don't like doing so with anyone in real life, there are fictional characters.
This whole point of this is just to stop overthinking and relaxing but I think it's better for you to be around with someone you trust.