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I need help because I don't know what to do anymore

#1
I was with my girlfriend for 1 and a half years. We were living together as both of us are in college, and had moved in with each other. Our lives revolved around each other. But we had a fight where I pushed her and she hurt herself, and then I tried consuming pills, and that did not bode well with her. She broke up with me and then I went home for a week to take a break. I come back to find out she is dating one of my close friends and it has been a month of that by now. The thing is, me and her are both girls, and she wasn't bi or anything prior to having been with me. And she is really angry with me and doesn't want to even talk to me, and everyday I have to see her with her boyfriend because we're in the same college.
I'm hurt over the fact that she forgot our relationship in the span of 3 DAYS and began dating this guy, plus me and her were best friends first before being a couple, and she's clearly forgotten that as well. I have felt suicidal and horrible since I have not been with her, and have had no contact with her except for catching glances of her the past month. She has also blocked me on all social media. I have profusely apologised to her for pushing her and for taking those pills but I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get over her, and I can't stop feeling like I don't want to live. Because our lives were so intertwined, I don't know how to live without her. What do I do?
 

Lara_C

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Welcome @Ambica. Breakups are very hard but you will get over this. Letting go takes time because your mind is still adjusting from what was in the past to what is now, so be gentle on yourself. This is all the harder because you are forced to see her with someone else so much. I think you should try to spend more time with your other friends and try to avoid seeing her as much as you can while your heart heals. Counseling is also a good idea to get your feelings out, and keep posting here too. If the suicidal thoughts continue, or get worse, you need to see your doctor as well because a short course of meds can give you extra help to cope.
 
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#3
Sorry to hear that you are going through this.

It's painful to go through a breakup, but the only way to make any relationship last, imho, is to be ok being on your own. I don't know all of the reasons why that's true off the top of my head, but it does seem to be true.

You may be able to get back together with her some day, but you'll probably have to wait for her to come to you for that to happen.

I'm hurt over the fact that she forgot our relationship in the span of 3 DAYS
Understandably. If you're with someone for a year and a half, it seems like you ought to wait at least a month or two before getting into a new relationship. It's neither respectful nor healthy to jump from one relationship to another.

What you're going through isn't really LGBT+ specific, but you might want to post in the LGBT+ forum too.
 

JmpMster

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Staff member
Forum Owner
ADMIN
#4
I was with my girlfriend for 1 and a half years. We were living together as both of us are in college, and had moved in with each other. Our lives revolved around each other. But we had a fight where I pushed her and she hurt herself, and then I tried consuming pills, and that did not bode well with her. She broke up with me and then I went home for a week to take a break. I come back to find out she is dating one of my close friends and it has been a month of that by now. The thing is, me and her are both girls, and she wasn't bi or anything prior to having been with me. And she is really angry with me and doesn't want to even talk to me, and everyday I have to see her with her boyfriend because we're in the same college.
I'm hurt over the fact that she forgot our relationship in the span of 3 DAYS and began dating this guy, plus me and her were best friends first before being a couple, and she's clearly forgotten that as well. I have felt suicidal and horrible since I have not been with her, and have had no contact with her except for catching glances of her the past month. She has also blocked me on all social media. I have profusely apologised to her for pushing her and for taking those pills but I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get over her, and I can't stop feeling like I don't want to live. Because our lives were so intertwined, I don't know how to live without her. What do I do?
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling - break ups are never easy and always involve pain and regret. Knowing that many others have felt similar does not make it hurt less, I know. But you are stronger and more capable than you are giving self credit for.

You do know how to live without her, though were with her a year and half, that means were with out her for 18 1/2 years. Just because she was parting of you growing into an actual independent adult does not change that. You cannot change the past, only learn from it. While you are hurting now, she was hurting from your actions- which is why the break up. Why move on so quickly? Because peopel react to pain in different ways. Some isolate, some reach out to others/dive into another relationship (the "rebound" ) as their own method of dealing. It does not make it less real or mean you meant less to her just because she deals differently with that pain, and I think thta is pretty significant to remember. Sounds like she also did not know how to deal by herself and so she made the choice no to. That does not make you less, nor is it "bad" of her- just her method of coping. Same with blocking you on social media. TBH, I would have recommended you block her if she had not. Following up on an ex (aside from often being creepy) is just intentionally triggering yourself and causing pain to help justify your current feelings.

The pain will pass over time and sometime years from now will be nothing but memories of how life was when you first left home and grew up. Likely a lot of good ones. Hopefully the memory that stays will be that physical confrontation will never end well, and that your choices about things like hurting yourself does real harm and pain to others so are never going to "help" in any relationship problem- only make things worse. Those would be very valuable take-away to go with what will someday be a lot of good memories but without the pain you are feeling now. Find a way to stay busy and do not isolate- it will get better and more bearable. Be kind to yourself, it hurts you and others when you are not. Look to the future and not the past for how to make life better- you can effect the future still, but not the past.
 

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