Jim's Cafe Wed. Dec. 23, 2020

[Dante]

1) Where did you get you pet and how old is he or she?

I never had a pet unless you count the time I trapped a giant house spider and stunned moths with elastic bands to feed to it (spiders wont eat anything dead) I named it Jeffrey. I had to let it go when I ran out of moths. I really wanted a pet growing up...

2) Who do you admire or love most in your family? Is there someone that you resemble or have characteristics similar to?

I admire my little sister most, she had it worst out of any of us and she NEVER backed down. Imagine being 5 years old and being verbally abused and beaten up by your dad to the point where she had permeant spine injury and still NEVER backing down! She NEVER backed down! Not ONCE! She is arguably not as smart as me but outperformed me at every turn, she got PTSD from living with my dad but that still didnt stop her, she got depressed and did some serious self-harm on her arms and now wears the scars without the slightest self-consciousness. She even managed to forgive my dad and let him give her away at her wedding (it was going to be me giving her away before she let him), she is constantly battling anxiety and self-harm triggers but she just kills it at anything she does, as part of her degree she was grilled in a mock courtroom situation about all sorts of in-depth parts of forensics, the idea being to see how she coped when she didnt know the answer, and after a while they gave up because the lecturers couldn't come up with a single question she couldn't answer, she is just indomitable!

Unfortunately, I am most like my dad, I have all his failings and none of this strengths, including the failings which caused him to so harshly bully his kids, for as long as I can remember I have been comparing myself to him and working to change myself so I dont make the same mistakes he does, so I dont think the way he does. His serious anger issues, his self-apologising and rationalising, his need to control his surroundings, people included, his inability to understand others, all of these failings are part of me, and I have worked so hard to fix it. My temper is still there but on a leash, the self-apologising and rationalising is mostly under control, the need to be right, I have got good at understanding others, (even despite aspergers) the control thing is a problem, but the worst is the need to be right, it is a constant weight around my neck. If I cant excel immediately I don't want to try, if I am losing at an argument when I know I'm right my temper explodes inside me, if i feel like im being treated unfairly, I have to exert real effort not to swear bloody murder even at my boss. Problem is, i would still rather be like my dad than my mum, I have some SERIOUSLY dysfunctional human beings as parents.

3) Do you like shopping for gifts in stores or are prefer on-line shopping?

It depends, for tech I like online shopping, checking reviews and comparing specs, but for other items which cant so easily be quantified in figures, I like to see and touch it before I buy.

4) What's the most creative gift you've given or received? Any funny gifts?

Ah memory, never my strong suit... Im afraid I really cant remember, sorry, the only gifts I really remember are the ones I use regularly, which are all practical ones. I suppose I did get tickets to an experience day to go drive Tanks, but that all fell through because of Covid.

5) What advice would you give to a younger you?

1) Invest in Bitcoin as EARLY as possible, as MUCH as possible, (£1000-£2000 will do) and hold onto it until 2021, then sell it off to buy a house, car, private jet etc.
2) A week before your birthday in 2010 your best friend will die, I suspect he may have done it deliberately, stop him, and if not deliberate, save him anyway (he will be in his media room).
3) That thing with Joanna is NEVER gonna happen, do both of you a favour and get over her early.
4) JOIN SOCIETIES AND GET CBT IMMEDIATELY IN YOUR FIRST YEAR OF UNI!!! YOU ARE DEPRESSED, DONT LET IT ESCALATE!!
5) Do more to support your sister, as much as you can.
6) Get some real work experience and make a portfolio of nifty projects BEFORE finishing university!
7) DONT STUDY MATHS AT UNI!!! FOR FUCK SAKE!!! ITS A TRAP!!! AND YOU WILL NEVER USE IT!!! (But still go to the same university, it was a good one)
8) NEVER stop pestering your parents for piano lessons, ask for them for birthday, christmas, and just randomly for the other 363 days of the year. Or you will never stop regretting it.
9) When looking for work, aim for SMALLER companies, you do better in small companies.
10) Hold onto friendships, even if they require work, you will be empty and alone without them.
11) Treat your first girlfriend better, you were WAY too immature when you were me. Emotional needs FIRST, her body SECOND.
12) NEVER EVER transfer all your files to a new drive without having a backup!!! (No SERIOUSLY)
13) Learn Linux and IOS (I know it sucks, but you will thank me later)
14) Find hobbies which produce something, they are the things you can look back on fondly afterwards.
15) Dont stop at whittling, go onto proper woodwork, thats a hobby you can be proud of.
16) Get back to me soon, I will have more advice tomorrow.

 

[Lane]

I never had a pet unless you count the time I trapped a giant house spider and stunned moths with elastic bands to feed to it (spiders wont eat anything dead) I named it Jeffrey. I had to let it go when I ran out of moths. I really wanted a pet growing up...


I admire my little sister most, she had it worst out of any of us and she NEVER backed down. Imagine being 5 years old and being verbally abused and beaten up by your dad to the point where she had permeant spine injury and still NEVER backing down! She NEVER backed down! Not ONCE! She is arguably not as smart as me but outperformed me at every turn, she got PTSD from living with my dad but that still didnt stop her, she got depressed and did some serious self-harm on her arms and now wears the scars without the slightest self-consciousness. She even managed to forgive my dad and let him give her away at her wedding (it was going to be me giving her away before she let him), she is constantly battling anxiety and self-harm triggers but she just kills it at anything she does, as part of her degree she was grilled in a mock courtroom situation about all sorts of in-depth parts of forensics, the idea being to see how she coped when she didnt know the answer, and after a while they gave up because the lecturers couldn't come up with a single question she couldn't answer, she is just indomitable!

Unfortunately, I am most like my dad, I have all his failings and none of this strengths, including the failings which caused him to so harshly bully his kids, for as long as I can remember I have been comparing myself to him and working to change myself so I dont make the same mistakes he does, so I dont think the way he does. His serious anger issues, his self-apologising and rationalising, his need to control his surroundings, people included, his inability to understand others, all of these failings are part of me, and I have worked so hard to fix it. My temper is still there but on a leash, the self-apologising and rationalising is mostly under control, the need to be right, I have got good at understanding others, (even despite aspergers) the control thing is a problem, but the worst is the need to be right, it is a constant weight around my neck. If I cant excel immediately I don't want to try, if I am losing at an argument when I know I'm right my temper explodes inside me, if i feel like im being treated unfairly, I have to exert real effort not to swear bloody murder even at my boss. Problem is, i would still rather be like my dad than my mum, I have some SERIOUSLY dysfunctional human beings as parents.


It depends, for tech I like online shopping, checking reviews and comparing specs, but for other items which cant so easily be quantified in figures, I like to see and touch it before I buy.


Ah memory, never my strong suit... Im afraid I really cant remember, sorry, the only gifts I really remember are the ones I use regularly, which are all practical ones. I suppose I did get tickets to an experience day to go drive Tanks, but that all fell through because of Covid.


1) Invest in Bitcoin as EARLY as possible, as MUCH as possible, (£1000-£2000 will do) and hold onto it until 2021, then sell it off to buy a house, car, private jet etc.
2) A week before your birthday in 2010 your best friend will die, I suspect he may have done it deliberately, stop him, and if not deliberate, save him anyway (he will be in his media room).
3) That thing with Joanna is NEVER gonna happen, do both of you a favour and get over her early.
4) JOIN SOCIETIES AND GET CBT IMMEDIATELY IN YOUR FIRST YEAR OF UNI!!! YOU ARE DEPRESSED, DONT LET IT ESCALATE!!
5) Do more to support your sister, as much as you can.
6) Get some real work experience and make a portfolio of nifty projects BEFORE finishing university!
7) DONT STUDY MATHS AT UNI!!! FOR FUCK SAKE!!! ITS A TRAP!!! AND YOU WILL NEVER USE IT!!! (But still go to the same university, it was a good one)
8) NEVER stop pestering your parents for piano lessons, ask for them for birthday, christmas, and just randomly for the other 363 days of the year. Or you will never stop regretting it.
9) When looking for work, aim for SMALLER companies, you do better in small companies.
10) Hold onto friendships, even if they require work, you will be empty and alone without them.
11) Treat your first girlfriend better, you were WAY too immature when you were me. Emotional needs FIRST, her body SECOND.
12) NEVER EVER transfer all your files to a new drive without having a backup!!! (No SERIOUSLY)
13) Learn Linux and IOS (I know it sucks, but you will thank me later)
14) Find hobbies which produce something, they are the things you can look back on fondly afterwards.
15) Dont stop at whittling, go onto proper woodwork, thats a hobby you can be proud of.
16) Get back to me soon, I will have more advice tomorrow.

Thank you for sharing the story of your childhood. You and your sister sent through much abuse. She and you are both to be admired to have survived it.

 

[1964dodge]

thank you for opening the cafe and mentioning me @Lane

1. pets. we got our two chihuahuas from the humane society they are 11 year old we got our black cat from a family member and our other cat was a rescue from a farm we also have an aquarium for fresh water fish, a turtle i caught in my bait trap 20 years ago, he was the size of a quarter now he's 10 times that size, also have a parakeet and a finch.

2. who do i admire most in my family : my wife she is a fighter. she almost died once and fought to come back and now has heart issues and she won't give up. she is always there for me and the kids. yes i admire her strength

3. shopping online or store : online because i have a hard time walking

4. most creative gift : some idiot ran a red light and totaled my 68 chrysler new yorker. my son was around 11 or 12 at the time. he loved that car and hope to get it some day. well for christmas i made him a gift out of wood with the back chrome and tail lights. it actually had the working horn and the tail lights worked as well

5. advice i'd give my younger self : all the thing i learned in life i could tell myself things that would make me rich before i'm 30.

merry christmas everyone...mike...

 

[Legate Lanius]

thx 4 opening

5) What advice would you give to a younger you?

Kill yourself now, the next 5-15 years are not worth living.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

1) Where did you get you pet and how old is he or she?
I don't have any but I want some.

2) Who do you admire or love most in your family? Is there someone that you resemble or have characteristics similar to?
I can't really pick one over the other because they all have great qualities. And they are all like me in some ways.

3) Do you like shopping for gifts in stores or are prefer on-line shopping?
Probably in store.

4) What's the most creative gift you've given or received? Any funny gifts?
Drawings and poems that people have written.

5) What advice would you give to a younger you?
Go out and do more because otherwise you'll be nothing in the future.

 

[Livelife]

We've got Eddie, he's six and was a rescue pooch.
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Then we've got Scout. She's nearly two and came from a breeder. As you can see, she loves Eddie very much
View attachment 41390

Then we have Salem who's four. My son was given him by a friend as a kitten. But of course his landlord wasn't happy about there being a cat in his house so he ended up with us. Alex says he's going to take him back but keeps renting houses where no cats are allowed (not that I mind as he's a lovely cat).
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I admire my son for his empathy, my daughter for her perseverance and my brother for just being one of the world's most lovely people.


I used to love wandering around the shops looking for the perfect gift but the last few years have been too much with anxiety so on-line it is.


Hmmm.. Nick bought me paving slabs one year. And another year he took me away for a surprise weekend. It turned out to be an old peoples home (he hadn't actually read that bit, just looked at the price!). I was 29, heavily pregnant and ended up spending the entire weekend having my bump felt by old ladies


Don't give up your dreams and opportunities for love - always make sure you have your own life because you never know when you might need to be self sufficient.

#4 is adorable now, probably not at the time..... how sweet of you at that stage of your pregnancy....

 

[Livelife]

Hi to all terrific SF members. I always wonder what kind of questions you all may like, so I google the National Holiday if what day it is and today is National Adoption Day, I thought that was pretty cool. There are many children in need but I also though about the moms n dads here that have adopted cats, dogs, birds, fish, etc. Sooo, brings me to question number 1....

1) Where did you get you pet and how old is he or she?

2) Who do you admire or love most in your family? Is there someone that you resemble or have characteristics similar to?

3) Do you like shopping for gifts in stores or are prefer on-line shopping?

4) What's the most creative gift you've given or received? Any funny gifts?

5) What advice would you give to a younger you?

Thanks for answering if you like. I hope you're all doing ok. I hope I dont leave anyone out when I tag, but please tag anyone that you think might like a distraction or welcome to SF.

I'm having trouble tagging, with the new tagging system. I'm going to try the old way and see if works. Thanks

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Thank you @Lane....
1. I've always had dogs and the ones I have had as an adult have been rescues. The two 11 year olds I have now are usually by my side mostly wherever I go.
2. I don't come from a family that had/has admirable people...Accomplished in the 3rd dimension/intellectual arena but that doesn't mean much on it's own.
3. I used to prefer in store shopping, now it's a mix depending upon the product and covid
4. I can't remember creative gifts..I'll have to think on that one..
5. Make really different choices and decisions than the ones you did early on, enlarge your scope and mind and think about your future when in your early years, give yourself permission to like and work earlier on loving yourself instead of depending upon finding it outside yourself for sustenance and validation. It would have changed your life completely
And yes I would have invested in Whole Foods way back....I used to shop in the first tiny hole in the wall that it started out as on South Lamar when I lived in Austin

 

[Sunspots]

#4 is adorable now, probably not at the time..... how sweet of you at that stage of your pregnancy....

I must admit, I didn't think so at the time but it became a funny story further down the line. He's certainly never going to live that one down

 

[FFurry]

1) Where did you get you pet and how old is he or she?
I haven't had one for years, but the last one my parents had was a stray cat they adopted from the street. Long ago...

2) Who do you admire or love most in your family? Is there someone that you resemble or have characteristics similar to?
It doesn't seem that way. I'm sort of estranged.

3) Do you like shopping for gifts in stores or are prefer on-line shopping?
Depends... online is fine if I don't need to have a look first.

4) What's the most creative gift you've given or received? Any funny gifts?
Chia Hair

5) What advice would you give to a younger you?
Chia Hair is not for the head.