I went to a funeral held on a college campus yesterday for someone/ a manager who died recently (from a job that I have just resigned from.) It was for both the person I knew, who died from a random heart issue and also for a young man who died from a suicide. There were a lot of people there and I felt sad knowing that if I ever have an end of life ceremony that there are not many people who are close to me or that I feel like care. I have always been told that family is what you make it, and having come out of a bad family growing up, I thought I would find chosen family and surround myself with good people like everyone always has said, but it did not happen. I have cared about people and my online friends are my family and I love you all. I will only have holiday plans if I go to a community dinner open to all. The store manager was there and I hugged her and patted her on the back and she said okay abruptly, as if to cut me off. I am not some emotional heavy or a monster. I am just a person with feelings and people ran from me. The holidays are going to be very hard for me.