I feel sort of confused today. Some flashbacks merge with the illusion of the future. Expectations become overshadowed by pessimism, hope wrestles with scepticism. A strange mix of all feelings that guide nowhere.
I have been wanting to try meditation for a long time now. Maybe it could dismiss this mess of feelings and thought voices in my head. Maybe, If I would go inside my mind more often, I would find things... It is said that we all hold the answers to our questions inside of us. I do believe and intuitevly know that it really is so.
My depression backed off mainly when I understood that I don't know who I am. I felt it. What am I doing here, what do I want my life to be? Am I evil or am I good? What do I stand for? I thought I used to know these things, but now, I don't think so.
I used to think, that I should do all these things, like writing, drawing, learning music so that I would become someone, but I didn't. I have been busy by fearing that I will grow up without any talents, that I will be boring and stuff. That I need to be great at these things so that I wouldn't be a waste of time. Of course, art is in my soul and I need it, else wise, I can't survive, but there is more to life.
I don't know who I am anymore. I change with every year. I get older, I regress, I make mistakes. I learn new things that make me wonder.
Knowing who you are is a foundation for your life. A strong base will make a firm person.
Anywayyyssssss!
I'm trying meditation. I have done it in the past, I think it helped, though I wasn't consistent. I'll do my best to make it a habit. I will start now and check in every day to stay motivated. My choice is mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises. I already feel all of this as a thorn in my ass, but I know that It will be good for me and... I have to try.
I suppose I will consciously put aside all the obligations that I have put upon myself and just relax. See where it goes.
Bye Chucky, we will be together again one day
(ok, I think I have had too much Skittles today)
I have been wanting to try meditation for a long time now. Maybe it could dismiss this mess of feelings and thought voices in my head. Maybe, If I would go inside my mind more often, I would find things... It is said that we all hold the answers to our questions inside of us. I do believe and intuitevly know that it really is so.
My depression backed off mainly when I understood that I don't know who I am. I felt it. What am I doing here, what do I want my life to be? Am I evil or am I good? What do I stand for? I thought I used to know these things, but now, I don't think so.
I used to think, that I should do all these things, like writing, drawing, learning music so that I would become someone, but I didn't. I have been busy by fearing that I will grow up without any talents, that I will be boring and stuff. That I need to be great at these things so that I wouldn't be a waste of time. Of course, art is in my soul and I need it, else wise, I can't survive, but there is more to life.
I don't know who I am anymore. I change with every year. I get older, I regress, I make mistakes. I learn new things that make me wonder.
Knowing who you are is a foundation for your life. A strong base will make a firm person.
Anywayyyssssss!
I'm trying meditation. I have done it in the past, I think it helped, though I wasn't consistent. I'll do my best to make it a habit. I will start now and check in every day to stay motivated. My choice is mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises. I already feel all of this as a thorn in my ass, but I know that It will be good for me and... I have to try.
I suppose I will consciously put aside all the obligations that I have put upon myself and just relax. See where it goes.
Bye Chucky, we will be together again one day
(ok, I think I have had too much Skittles today)
yesterday was the same thing, will try to catch up today 