-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?
- Thread starter Gonz
- Start date
How those from whom I feel true love understand and respect my desire for suicide due to chronic bodily pains whereas those who through family ties have no understanding and only think about their hurt feelings if I were to expire before them. And then some say suicide is a selfish act. Isn't everything selfish as it is coming from self no matter what a desire is a person does it out of fullfilling their own desires, be it helppimg others, finishing schools, whatever activity, including suicide.
chronic pain can and will make us want to expire. i often think of or fantasize about suicide when pain goes up to 8 or 9 sometimes 10 out of 10. to keep myelf safe i make myself wait at least 24 hours.
since pain will go down to 5 or 6 and rarely 4 i know if i treat it agressively it will go down between 1 and 8 or 9 hours so i'm safe. the look on my wife's face when i think of suicide haunts me. even if i say nothing she knows. she wants me to end my suffering but won't let me go for many good reasons.
1 child knows exactly what i'm going through and 1 kid worries about it and the other is clueless about it lol. sometimes family can't stand to see us go that way. if martians landed on our head that's fine but suicide would hurt the whole family. i am so sorry that you have to live with chronic pain. i take some opioid pain meds and other things to make up the difference.
please don't ever give up. my doctor won't raise my pain meds but together we find things that help. if you ever want to talk about other pain lowering methods, want to talk or just plain vent feel free to use my inbox. you are not alone
mike....
since pain will go down to 5 or 6 and rarely 4 i know if i treat it agressively it will go down between 1 and 8 or 9 hours so i'm safe. the look on my wife's face when i think of suicide haunts me. even if i say nothing she knows. she wants me to end my suffering but won't let me go for many good reasons.
1 child knows exactly what i'm going through and 1 kid worries about it and the other is clueless about it lol. sometimes family can't stand to see us go that way. if martians landed on our head that's fine but suicide would hurt the whole family. i am so sorry that you have to live with chronic pain. i take some opioid pain meds and other things to make up the difference.
please don't ever give up. my doctor won't raise my pain meds but together we find things that help. if you ever want to talk about other pain lowering methods, want to talk or just plain vent feel free to use my inbox. you are not alone
mike....
I feel that, no, I know that I waste my time going to all these doctor appointments. I want to cancel the rest of them. I hate the health care system, doctors, nurses, dentists, etc. The unprofessionalism and incompetence I’ve dealt with are making me a mental wreck. It’s all my fault anyway; I should have just ignored the pain and gone about it a different way. Lesson learned, I guess.
this is a pretty minor thing but it really pisses me off.
I've had a really bad stutter since I was 9 and I constantly trip over my own words or am unable to say anything at all sometimes. My therapist and the people in my group home know about this but I still get yelled at for being "uncooperative" when I get asked something and don't manage to say a full sentence within two seconds. what makes it worse is that I often go completely nonverbal when somebody shouts at me and I can't manage to make a single sound anymore.
I'm sorry but if you make a place for mentally ill teenagers to live and to get integrated into society, then you should hire people who have situational awareness and don't just blindly recite what they learnt in training.
I genuinely think I should've stayed on the streets sometimes. this life is so stupid.
I've had a really bad stutter since I was 9 and I constantly trip over my own words or am unable to say anything at all sometimes. My therapist and the people in my group home know about this but I still get yelled at for being "uncooperative" when I get asked something and don't manage to say a full sentence within two seconds. what makes it worse is that I often go completely nonverbal when somebody shouts at me and I can't manage to make a single sound anymore.
I'm sorry but if you make a place for mentally ill teenagers to live and to get integrated into society, then you should hire people who have situational awareness and don't just blindly recite what they learnt in training.
I genuinely think I should've stayed on the streets sometimes. this life is so stupid.
@cinnnamonflakez I send as much support to you as it's possible, virtually. I don't know how to say it to get it across, but I am close to someone who has had a significant stutter most all their life. The amount of people who actually understand how communication works, and how a speech disorder affects things, are few. I think it's a huge added stress for you, which they should be helping with not making things worse. No one should be mis-treating you over this, or anything. I wish I could help.
Understanding where feelings/emotions are coming from helps a lot with accepting and tolerating them, not needing to act on them.
It’s the difference between “the world is too loud and I am overwhelmed and I need to do something drastic to fix it” and “I am prone to negativity because of x y and z, and it’s affecting me right now so I’d better self-soothe and wait until I’m calmer before making any major decisions.”
Putting too much thought into oneself and one’s motivations always seemed kinda self-centered. Like it served no real purpose. I always just was who I was, and did what I did without thinking too much about it. Now I see some value in introspection.
It’s the difference between “the world is too loud and I am overwhelmed and I need to do something drastic to fix it” and “I am prone to negativity because of x y and z, and it’s affecting me right now so I’d better self-soothe and wait until I’m calmer before making any major decisions.”
Putting too much thought into oneself and one’s motivations always seemed kinda self-centered. Like it served no real purpose. I always just was who I was, and did what I did without thinking too much about it. Now I see some value in introspection.
I went to Burger King yesterday. One of the main reasons I go is because they have onion rings, which more fast food places should offer. After I ordered (a Whopper Jr and large onion rings), I was watching them make the orders while waiting. I saw them put a burger and large fries in the bag then call out my name. I asked them if they were out of onion rings or something, and they were just like, "Oh, sorry!" and put some in the fryer real quick then put them in the bag on top of the fries I didn't even order. Seemed like they were banking on me not noticing/caring about the swap? Was kinda weird.
that is terrible to treat you that way. most stutterers can get better in time. it takes hard work and patience from the stutterer and from the teacher or speech therapist it takes a lot of patience, it also takes caring and proper guidance. the most important thing is to keep all instruction calm and nonjudgemental instruction. please talk to someone about getting you the help that actually helps, you deserve it
mike....
mike....
you are obviously distraught over the anniversary of your dads passing. try to be gentle with yourself for a few days. please feel free to use my inbox to talk or just plain vent over anything. you are going through a tough time right now. over the years i have known you i know your father loved you very much and i'm sure he would want your life to be as full and happy as feasibly possible
mike....
mike....
I am. Between him, my grandfather, my cousin, too many friends, and especially my wife, I am sick to death of missing people who should still be here. The world seems like a very cold and cruel place, where good people die before their time in ways that are so much worse than they deserve. Sometimes life is awful beyond the telling of it.
Last edited: