Relapsed

[thismustbetheplace]

drank mysef to oblivion last night. I'm on vacation so I thought one wouldn't hurt, 10 later I'm a stumbling falling down bonging and purging drunk. The routine change from this vacation is causing a lot of anxiety. I know I can't drink, I mean I can if I want to go down that road but I don't want to. I cried a lot today because I feel so guilty. I miss my dog. I feel panicked and scared. I got to go for a run, swim, ate healthy and about to go lift then go in a steam room. Give mysef a facial and some self love. Then yoga, tea, and compassion. Sometimes I just wish I could be like those around me where I'm at right now, people in suits going to jobs, while I'm struggling to survive. It's hard to adjust, and I miss my best friend , therapist, and dog. I love her and miss her. Vacation should be a break but it's so overwhelming. The change in routine is difficult I don't know where to turn.

 

[SinisterKid]

I find change super difficult to handle right now. I used to be fine with it, but alas, no more. So its understandable, if the vacation is a major change from your normal routines, you slip a little. Plus you left things/people/pets behind that are important to you. I can assure you, I couldn't do what you are doing right now, so kudos to you, despite your so called relapse.

 

[thismustbetheplace]

I find change super difficult to handle right now. I used to be fine with it, but alas, no more. So its understandable, if the vacation is a major change from your normal routines, you slip a little. Plus you left things/people/pets behind that are important to you. I can assure you, I couldn't do what you are doing right now, so kudos to you, despite your so called relapse.

Change is so hard ! Cause wee conditioned to think it's a bad thing. I was finally at a good routine and then it all changed. But thanks for support

 

[dtc]

Just know that this isn't permanent, you will get back into your routine when you get home and things will feel calmer, hang in there.

 

[Miss Invisible]

Hey there,
I feel you on so many levels. Your quotes,
"Sometimes I just wish I could be like those around me where I'm at right now, people in suits going to jobs, while I'm struggling to survive. It's hard to adjust,and I miss my best friend , therapist, and dog. I love her and miss her. Vacation should be a break but it's so overwhelming. The change in routine is difficult I don't know where to turn", according to you, @thismustbetheplace I must say the clique, "it gets better in time", that is mostly true but my own guilt as a dog owner of my companion and friend makes me play the "what if" game. Which doesn't help me heal but I would have given my last dime to as save her. It takes a dog owner or lover of animals to understand this concept. So, I understand your feelings of of guilt.

I must say I applaud you for recognizing that you needed time for yourself to try to heal after the loss of your dog. Instead of isolating, curling up into a ball and falling hard into a hard depressive state. I cant say Ive been able to cope as well. As hard as it is to join the land of the living (I tell myself this also) it is healing itself.

I too am grieving my best friend, I'm people on SF get tired of hearing me wallow about her but the loss of my Zoey nearly ended my will to live. It's taken almost 4 months to not blubber on about her. I still do bring up the good times and watch the videos I ha e of her when I REALLY miss her. I don't think I'll ever find a dog quite as intuitive and special as her again. She is irreplaceable to me.

Sorry if I droned on too much about my dog. I just wanted to express to you my codonolenses for your loss and tell you that you have a friend in me. If you ever need to chat from a fellow mourner who's slowly but surely putting her life back together, I'd be more than willing to conversate with you. It's true, that after a loss we go into a survival mode and that's okay as long as it doesn't interfere with your daily living. Then it could be helpful to do some talk therapy. Therapy used to frighten me, I had a few bad experiences as a teen with psychiatrists but now I have a great counselor. The talking helps immensely.

Otherwise I send 《hugs》 your way.

 

[justrob]

Change is so hard ! Cause wee conditioned to think it's a bad thing. I was finally at a good routine and then it all changed. But thanks for support

"the only constant in life is change" - Heraclitus of Ephesus

Find strength my friend.

 

[thismustbetheplace]

Hey there,
I feel you on so many levels. Your quotes,
"Sometimes I just wish I could be like those around me where I'm at right now, people in suits going to jobs, while I'm struggling to survive. It's hard to adjust,and I miss my best friend , therapist, and dog. I love her and miss her. Vacation should be a break but it's so overwhelming. The change in routine is difficult I don't know where to turn", according to you, @thismustbetheplace I must say the clique, "it gets better in time", that is mostly true but my own guilt as a dog owner of my companion and friend makes me play the "what if" game. Which doesn't help me heal but I would have given my last dime to as save her. It takes a dog owner or lover of animals to understand this concept. So, I understand your feelings of of guilt.

I must say I applaud you for recognizing that you needed time for yourself to try to heal after the loss of your dog. Instead of isolating, curling up into a ball and falling hard into a hard depressive state. I cant say Ive been able to cope as well. As hard as it is to join the land of the living (I tell myself this also) it is healing itself.

I too am grieving my best friend, I'm people on SF get tired of hearing me wallow about her but the loss of my Zoey nearly ended my will to live. It's taken almost 4 months to not blubber on about her. I still do bring up the good times and watch the videos I ha e of her when I REALLY miss her. I don't think I'll ever find a dog quite as intuitive and special as her again. She is irreplaceable to me.

Sorry if I droned on too much about my dog. I just wanted to express to you my codonolenses for your loss and tell you that you have a friend in me. If you ever need to chat from a fellow mourner who's slowly but surely putting her life back together, I'd be more than willing to conversate with you. It's true, that after a loss we go into a survival mode and that's okay as long as it doesn't interfere with your daily living. Then it could be helpful to do some talk therapy. Therapy used to frighten me, I had a few bad experiences as a teen with psychiatrists but now I have a great counselor. The talking helps immensely.

Otherwise I send 《hugs》 your way.

It's such a precious relationship we have with dogs, I'm watching her on camera and it's comforting but makes me want to cry. She's my reason for waking up, walking, everything. She helps me so much. I just miss her. I know they're not giving her back and butt scratches there and I just want to. It sounds silly to non dog lovers but god it's hatd

 

[Miss Invisible]

It's such a precious relationship we have with dogs, I'm watching her on camera and it's comforting but makes me want to cry. She's my reason for waking up, walking, everything. She helps me so much. I just miss her. I know they're not giving her back and butt scratches there and I just want to. It sounds silly to non dog lovers but god it's hatd

So true! A dog is never "just a dog" to ppl who appreciate animals. The unconditional love of a dog is unexplainable. Coincidentally I watch the videos of my pup too, I'm so glad that I have them. And I'm probably the only weirdo that keeps the blankets both my Chi' s (9 years apart) had ther last moments on. The blankets they were euthanized on, their favorite toys, and their beds. I know it's a bit morbid but it helps me to feel so many things, which I have trouble expressing!
You're not alone in struggles of this nature. Whatever stresses you out or cases you pain, is good to get all of your issues out, write a letter but don't send it. Burn it and anything else. Then, TRY to begin again regardless of the age.
Just my methods from to two DV long term relationships..that damaged my heart and soul, almost broke me and kept me scared, in a hih state of anxiey. Ive been doing mindfulness and CBT but EMDR is next. It has excellent results for severe trauma so I'm hopeful. Wishing you good news on keeping your dog. I'm not quite sure why weren't allowed to go to your doc appt. Actually I am, he has been fighting me forever on making my an doctor suggestion for attention problems. If you need help in anyway let me know.

 

[thismustbetheplace]

@Miss Invisible I always love the saying I didn't rescue my dog she rescued me I'm just feeling so anxious no matter how much yoga and breathing I do I just want to go home with her the change in routine is a lot for me and it's hard when your family doesn't understand that well, I know they know it is hard on me but they don't know the extent. I just wanna be with my pup:/