Can i ask if you have tried this so called "spiritual awakening"? I would really love to talk to some people who have tried this. And i get what you are saying... It feels like i am fighting against my ego and thoughts, but i am happy that i know where i wanna go now... Love and compassion is the only true way
A spiritual awakening is not something that you "try" it is something that happens to you, and when it happens you then have a choice to change your life and your way of being, as in continuing to live as a human being or strive to live as a spiritual being.
A spiritual awakening is about an experience you have, and then you "know" about "the bigger picture" so to speak.
"Knowing" different from knowledge, there are lots of people who have read all the books and completed all the courses and studied all there is to study on spiritual awakening's in the search for understanding, but have not actually had a spiritual awakening.
You can't buy one, you can't induce or force one, yes you may reach heightened states of awareness from certain rituals and meditation or even mind altering drugs, in the pursuit of a spiritual awakening, but that's like window shopping or tourism in comparison to owning or being resident.
I haven't "tried" a spiritual awakening, but I do "try" to live a life where I am awake to my true nature as a spiritual being, that is what my spiritual awakening has done for me.
You "know" the FEELING of oneness, of being part of, and not apart from. That knowing is personal. You have an awareness and an understanding about "the bigger picture" that no book or teacher could give you. That is your awakening.
So you are happy that you "know" where you wanna go now. When do you envisage this Now happening, and when you are already connected to everything where else is there to go to ?
One sip of the ocean and you know it's salty, you don't have to drink the whole ocean to prove it but you can try if you want