Stuck in sadness, lost in it forever

[Susu]

Anyone else feel like not letting go of depression?

Have yet to find anyone who holds onto depression and just lets it eat you away like my brain does.
I constantly tell myself I don't need to talk to a doctor about it since they'll just rid it off.
My sensible part of my brain tells me to stop lying and the other part loves being sad and wants to be hated by the world.
I feel like I push it away even when I know it's there it's always there but I'm "fine" because I can laugh. I'm "fine" because I say I am.

I have no one to talk to I don't understand what's going on. One month I'm fine and the other I hate myself.

 

[PaladinofKnights]

You see it as part of yourself, so if it's gone you won't feel like you anymore. I get what ur sayin. Remember how bad it makes you feel and know that it can be beat. Even if ur not up to it, I'd try to find a doctor.

 

[sadhart]

Yes, I am finding myself embracing all the pain and hurt I'm feeling. I'm sorry for what you're going through.