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Taking care of my sick mom

This is pretty long so brace yourselves...
My mother has chronic glomerulitis and has been undergoing hemodialysis for 8 years now. I just recently graduated last June and had all kinds of plans for myself. Then, my mother's condition started to worsen and we found out that she has sepsis due to Staphylococcus aureus. I brought her to the hospital about two weeks ago and has been taking care of her since. I'm not the eldest child, I have an older, immature and selfish sister who cannot be relied on, and a younger sister who is still in junior high. My father is overseas, earning the money that will just be enough for her hospital bills. So, the tasks of caregiving, running errands, checking up on my little sister, laundry, cleaning the house, and running back to the hospital, all fell on me. At this time, I got accepted as a research assistant in another hospital. I was supposed to meet my HR officer the friday my mother got admitted to the hospital. So, there have been problems with regards to my preemployment requirements that I should submit on August 20, but due to my other many responsbilities and the postponement of that meeting (like a domino effect). I have this feeling that I would not be accepted anymore and it scares me. I really like that job and I really love research. My mom can be discharged tomorrow but I still have to bathe her, and take her to the dialysis center, and a lot of chores that I can't even think about because it would drive me crazy. I love her so much and I do want to take care of her, just like she took care of me when I was young. I just feel so tired, anxious, stressed, and I hate myself for thinking like this. I see my future ahead of me, and I got so scared. I'm wasting away my youth. I'm 21 years old and I haven't accomplished anything and all these opportunities will just fly away while I... I hate myself. I'm hateful.
Sorry to hear that you and your mom are going through this

It might be possible to get a CNA to visit and help with some of your mom's care. I'm not sure if you want thoughts about what to do though, so I'll hold off on saying any more about that.

I'm 21 years old and I haven't accomplished anything
It sounds like you got a degree, which is about as big an accomplishment as anyone expects.

all these opportunities will just fly away
Things might work out with this current job opportunity, or maybe another.


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I got accepted as a research assistant in another hospital.
It just may be possible to turn this situation to your advantage. After all, you are interested in working at a hospital. Actual experience in caring for a seriously ill person should be a positive in this case. Even if the position you were accepted for is a research assistant. I know it is a horrible sad situation with your mom, but you could try selling to the other hospital as some practical experience and knowledge that could benefit you there.

Regardless, thank you for being a great son.


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That is a lot for someone your age. Have you spoken to the hospital at all about getting care / a CNA / respite while you accomplish some things? I don't see it as hateful at all. Your mother could potentially get along ok without you (meaning - with some other caregiver) for a few hours but only you can do the things you need to do (to go interview).

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