This is pretty long so brace yourselves...
My mother has chronic glomerulitis and has been undergoing hemodialysis for 8 years now. I just recently graduated last June and had all kinds of plans for myself. Then, my mother's condition started to worsen and we found out that she has sepsis due to Staphylococcus aureus. I brought her to the hospital about two weeks ago and has been taking care of her since. I'm not the eldest child, I have an older, immature and selfish sister who cannot be relied on, and a younger sister who is still in junior high. My father is overseas, earning the money that will just be enough for her hospital bills. So, the tasks of caregiving, running errands, checking up on my little sister, laundry, cleaning the house, and running back to the hospital, all fell on me. At this time, I got accepted as a research assistant in another hospital. I was supposed to meet my HR officer the friday my mother got admitted to the hospital. So, there have been problems with regards to my preemployment requirements that I should submit on August 20, but due to my other many responsbilities and the postponement of that meeting (like a domino effect). I have this feeling that I would not be accepted anymore and it scares me. I really like that job and I really love research. My mom can be discharged tomorrow but I still have to bathe her, and take her to the dialysis center, and a lot of chores that I can't even think about because it would drive me crazy. I love her so much and I do want to take care of her, just like she took care of me when I was young. I just feel so tired, anxious, stressed, and I hate myself for thinking like this. I see my future ahead of me, and I got so scared. I'm wasting away my youth. I'm 21 years old and I haven't accomplished anything and all these opportunities will just fly away while I... I hate myself. I'm hateful.
My mother has chronic glomerulitis and has been undergoing hemodialysis for 8 years now. I just recently graduated last June and had all kinds of plans for myself. Then, my mother's condition started to worsen and we found out that she has sepsis due to Staphylococcus aureus. I brought her to the hospital about two weeks ago and has been taking care of her since. I'm not the eldest child, I have an older, immature and selfish sister who cannot be relied on, and a younger sister who is still in junior high. My father is overseas, earning the money that will just be enough for her hospital bills. So, the tasks of caregiving, running errands, checking up on my little sister, laundry, cleaning the house, and running back to the hospital, all fell on me. At this time, I got accepted as a research assistant in another hospital. I was supposed to meet my HR officer the friday my mother got admitted to the hospital. So, there have been problems with regards to my preemployment requirements that I should submit on August 20, but due to my other many responsbilities and the postponement of that meeting (like a domino effect). I have this feeling that I would not be accepted anymore and it scares me. I really like that job and I really love research. My mom can be discharged tomorrow but I still have to bathe her, and take her to the dialysis center, and a lot of chores that I can't even think about because it would drive me crazy. I love her so much and I do want to take care of her, just like she took care of me when I was young. I just feel so tired, anxious, stressed, and I hate myself for thinking like this. I see my future ahead of me, and I got so scared. I'm wasting away my youth. I'm 21 years old and I haven't accomplished anything and all these opportunities will just fly away while I... I hate myself. I'm hateful.
