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Trying to move on

Discussion in 'I Need Empathy and Compassion (No advice wanted)' started by Shreya, Oct 16, 2017.

  1. Shreya

    Shreya New Member

    I met this guy a little over a year ago for the second time. I knew him when we worked together 3 years before. I had moved cities. We work in the same company and he was on an official visit. Since he was a friend from way back I asked him out for a friendly drink. He is much older than me and married. We ended up having a great conversation till 4 am. After he went back we kept in touch through whatsapp contunously at first abd tgen through both calls and chsts. I met with an accident and had a minor surgery. He used to stay up all day and night with me while I was in pain. He gradually became a part of my routine. After about 2 months since we had met for a drink we met again. Once more at the same lounge by the pool. He said he was hungry and wanted to get some food in his room and asked me to tag along. One thing lead to another and we ended up kissing and then made love. He told me that there was no physical relationship between him and his wife. We started meeting every month. After 3 months I asked him where things were going and he said he needed some more time to figure it out. We even took the loveliest vacation for 16 days after another 3 months. I asked him again and he said he'd go for a divorce. Even shared an exact timeframe. However, now that the time has come he says he can't hurt his family. I tried to cut all ties with him but he calls. I tried being friends but he keeps bringing up things about us being together. I do love him and feel pain constantly. There isn't a single person I can tell all this to. He tells me every day that he loves me. But then what do I have to show for it. Sometimes i imagine dying and him calling me as usual in the morning with noone on the other side of the line. I'm just drained from months of going back and forth and just want to sleep. This is the only.place where i can air out my feelings. That's how desperate I've become.
  2. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    Same old story. I'm sorry but I think he's a player, and that there's no future in this relationship. He's already proven himself to be a liar and a cheat, and research confirms that those who cheat on a partner are 3.5 times more likely to cheat in a subsequent relationship. I'm sorry you have had your heart broken, but I'm wondering why a young woman like you would choose to be in a relationship with a much older married man.
    You have nothing to show for it because it's unlikely he will ever leave his wife, and it would be no surprise if he is a serial cheater. Do you really want the heartache of waiting around indefinitely while he enjoys having his cake and eating it?You deserve better than this. My advice is to go completely dark on him, cutting all contact. In time your heart will heal itself and you will be free to find a trustworthy partner who can offer you an honest, committed, relationship instead of one based on deception and betrayal.
    Thauoy likes this.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that you are going through this Shreya

    Loving someone that you can't be with is a very painful thing
    Thauoy likes this.
  4. Xenon

    Xenon Member

    Hi Shreya,
    I am sad hearing that you are in pain. May this attenuate with time.
    It is not worth getting suicidal for someone that doesn't reciprocate. Love scars are painful, but time heals them, too, even if at the moment it is hard to perceive. Please keep hope.