Ideas & Opinions What is supposed to help?

[dying_inside]

Im currently IP after an attempt. After a few days of comatose state, i started feeling more myself, but all that happened IP was talking about my history (current psych and pdoc are on vacation), getting more meds, some visits from mom and all the rest is pure boredom.

How are they supposed to help? Meds numb me but dont change myself or my life. Talking is more like giving info abt myself than finding a way to give my life worth or meaning or purpose. All the hours spent by on my bed thinking about doing it again only pains me more. I called private T but he seemed more concerned about about himself than me...

Tonight i felt the urge of killing myself more but operators were telling me they were too busy to talk. At that point i was going to enter the room and ask if i should have called the crisis line even if being IP because nobody had time to talk to me.

There was one person willing to talk and so we did but really, what am i suppose to do here? What are they supposed to do? And how are they supposed to help when i clearly stated that as soon as they let me go i'll attempt again?

What can they do? Pills wont do anything. Talking wont help anyway, getting this week of rest wont help either, especially of its this boring and forcing me to think even more about how to end It all...

Is there anything anyone can do?
I expect you to say its all up to me, but ive tried both, alone and with help, for more than 15yrs and it only got worse. Im exhausted, i cant do it anymore...

 

[Acy]

Hi, @dying_inside. Being inpatient can mean different things at different hospitals and in different countries/states.

Sometimes, if a person has attempted and they need medical treatment, they are admitted to a medical ward to get them medically (not “emotionally or mentally”) stable. Once the person is medically stable, the doctors might begin dealing with the person for their mental health issues.

If someone has attempted and is admitted to the psychiatric ward, the doctors might still focus on medically stable before starting on mental health issues. And their programs for mental health can vary for a number of reasons. Here, the psych wards are not doing a lot of therapy because of Covid issues and the need for physical distancing. Therapy in terms of talking, is being done through intensive out patient programs (IOP) and partial hospitalization programs (PHP). The difference between those here are that the IOP is done 2X a week via Zoom or other system, and the PHP is done in person 5X a week with with people who are masked and with adequate vaccination. Both programs include elements of CBT and DBT. Other hospitals will vary in what they offer…

Are you admitted to the psych ward or on a medical floor? You can ask the nursing staff to have the staff doctor/psychiatrist come to see you. When they see you, you can ask what treatment plans they are considering.

Pills will not “fix” everything for someone who has depression. Medication will generally take the edge off things so that the person is feeling better enough to do the work required of group and/or talk therapy. Talking usually does help, but it’s not an overnight fix. If it took 15 years (or more) to get this depressed, it will take more than a few sessions to untangle the depression.

Yes, sitting in the hospital doing nothing is kind of boring and it does give you a lot of time to ruminate. Are there any activities of any kind (art, puzzles, crosswords, novels, graphic novels, exercise hours, meditation groups going on there? If yes, join in. If not, see if you can get a hold of something to help you fill your time…talk to the nursing staff to see what might be available and to ask if a friend or family member could bring some puzzle books or novels or something in for you.

I think it would be really good for you to speak with the doctor assigned to your case while you are in hospital about what the treatment plan is.

It is also possible that if you have made an attempt, but already have a psychologist/therapist, family doctor, and/or psychiatrist, the hospital might keep you until you are “medically stable,” then discharge you to the follow up care of your existing health and mental health care providers rather than interrupt any work that has been done so far. You noted that your psych and pdoc are away right now. The hospital might be keeping you and doing much treatment because of that…and they might keep you until your psych and pdoc are back so you are not discharged without follow up care.

Getting proper help requires us to be open about our feelings and plans with the care providers — whether they are the ones when we are IP or our regular ones. And the fix is not fast, no matter how much we would like it to be.

We can get it to serve our needs better by explaining to our caregivers exactly what we are finding problematic (situations, relationships, moods, etc.), and exactly what feelings and behaviours those things are triggering in us. When they know and understand those things, they can tailor the treatment to address them.

I’m sorry it’s such a difficult time for you. I hope that you take a few minutes to try to talk to the nurses and see the doctor assigned to you in hospital.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

^ What Acy said.

What kinds of therapy have you done, and for how long? Therapy should not be just talking. It should be homework, exercises and an action plan for improving your mood. To get an idea of some techniques and tools of modern therapy, try watching Dr. Tracey Marks or Therapy in a Nutshell on Youtube. I've found some of their videos very helpful.

There are plenty of guided meditations on Youtube as well, including ones that are quite short

 

[may71]

Inpatient care is really about keeping you safe. There isn't any form of treatment for depression that you can get on an inpatient basis that you can't get as an outpatient.

And how are they supposed to help when i clearly stated that as soon as they let me go i'll attempt again?

If someone is experiencing a particular low, hospitalization can keep them safe through that. If you're constantly and consistently on the verge of an attempt, then it might not change much.

You can hope that the change in meds will help more than you expect, or that being inpatient will give you the opportunity to consider a new treatment method.

Is there anything anyone can do?

As far as conventional treatment goes, there's ECT. There's also alternative treatments, which I would try first because they're safer and have fewer adverse side effects.

Im exhausted, i cant do it anymore...

Hugs @dying_inside. I wish I could help.

 

[dying_inside]

Thank you all for your patience, explaining things and encouragement.
Things might work a little differently here in Italy, but i get what you said.

Im physically ok now. Some doctors are gathering infos about me and changing/adding meds.

Im mentally not stable yet since i have urges to attempt sui even here... I cant 2ait to seem my psych and pdoc on monday, meanwhile i'll just have to get by, but its very hard atm...

Thank you for your help

 

[iloverachel]

Just want to say I went through some of your posts from the past, and it is very saddening to see you have suffered so greatly for such a long time
I am hoping a miracle happens and that you find a way to enjoy life, or at least not suffer so much
Please continue to talk to us, we value and appreciate you

 

[seabird]

hugs @dying_inside

Agree, that the drugs only helped me by numbing me for a time. After I got home, at first things got better because of being so rested (?) & the sense of a new beginning.

I can only speak for self but for me it is having a sense of enjoyment in a couple of activities. I need more than one non-boring activity in order to "keep myself me." Maybe what I am saying is I think we need a sort of drip-feed of snall risks that on the whole pay off in positive ways.

Sorry if I went on into a side-trail. I send lots hugs & care to you.

- s