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Where do you find the will?

Dante

Took 5 years to learn how to make a custom title.
SF Supporter
#1
I have been deteriorating lately, I have kept my tendency to depression in check for a while, not really free of it, but under control, but too much isolation, monster commute, lack of sleep, stress, etc is making me spiral a bit, and I am officially out of any real motivation. I know I will somehow keep finding motivation, it happened like that before, but I have no idea how long that will last, and using motivation you dont know you have until the very second you barely force yourself to keep going is exhausting.

So where do you guys find the motivation to keep yourself from just sitting down and giving up, forsaking human connection, work, self-care etc?
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#2
I have mostly forsaken human connection, not so much for work since it pays for me to exist and the same goes for self care. I don't care to stick around but want to go quickly so I continue on and wait for the inevitable patiently and hopeful it comes for me.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#3
So where do you guys find the motivation to keep yourself from just sitting down and giving up, forsaking human connection, work, self-care etc?
I am also having trouble finding motivation, but I will try to share what little motivation I could find.

for human connection - at the repeated suggestion of persons I trust and respect, have reached out to some old contacts, which has been a positive experience so far.

for work - no paycheck for about a year and a half is some motivation to keep applying to jobs, but not enough. I think that frustration at my situation, not enjoying being workless for this long is part of the motivation. Even though I usually think that wherever I end up working is a bunch of crap and not helping improve the world, I think my personality requires me to be busy/employed to feel the positive feelings of accomplishing things (even if those things are meaningless).

for self-care - I was struggling with this a lot of this year, trouble making self shower regularly etc. Then my hot water (among other things) was cut off for an entire month. I hate cold showers so I took even less showers (probably 2x a week). After that hot water came back, I tell you, instead of thinking 'ugg I have to take ANOTHER shower', I thought 'I GET to take a hot shower. I have the opportunity.' Even though that was months ago now, I still think that way. Insert lesson about don't know what you have til it's gone.

Hope some of this helps.
 

Dante

Took 5 years to learn how to make a custom title.
SF Supporter
#4
Even though I usually think that wherever I end up working is a bunch of crap and not helping improve the world, I think my personality requires me to be busy/employed to feel the positive feelings of accomplishing things (even if those things are meaningless).
I understand this, I get something similar, if I am unemployed too long I start to ask "what good happened by me even getting up this morning?"
 
#5
So where do you guys find the motivation to keep yourself from just sitting down and giving up, forsaking human connection, work, self-care etc?
That is a good question. I'm fairly anti-social, but I do need some human interaction. I don't know if it is motivation or just the fear of what will happen if I don't work, take care of my self, etc. that keeps me going.
 

Legate Lanius

Well-Known Member
#6
Well, I don't manage to do any of those things. Maybe knowing why I can't will shed some light on why most can. I don't feel afraid of getting into a situation where suicide is my only option (homelessness, sickness, facing jail time, etc) and I don't have any experience of hard work and effort ever paying off (getting me a girlfriend). So I just lay about and started drinking heavily as of late, if my parents stop giving me money or want me to move out then I'll kill myself and they will get what's coming to them for bringing me into this shitstain of a planet.
 
#7
I feel similar to you and have done for a large chunk of this year. I somehow managed to snap out of it for a month at one point which was great but by the following month I was back to how bad I was before and I've not managed to pick myself up really since. I don't know really, I barely have any motivation truly. The past month I've really felt like giving up and just staying in bed all day and not doing anything. So far I've managed not to because I try to motivate myself by reminding myself that giving up will ultimately make things worse for myself. If I give up it'll just emphasize how bad life is at the moment because I'll be wallowing in it rather than at least trying to distract myself and getting some things done. I also use my mother as motivation, if I give up she'll make me feel worse by yelling at me so I'm better off carrying on but doing the bare minimum/as much as I can manage. Also I know once I give up it's a hell of a lot harder to get out of the rut vs. keeping going, miserable, but at least that keeps some sort of vague momentum going. Once you give up you make it 1000 times harder on yourself in the long run, like all the cleaning that will pile up, more tasks to face when you finally get going again, etc. It would become a vicious circle.

I'm not doing my normal amount of stuff, but rather than focusing on what I'm not doing I'm just trying to focus on keeping some basic things going- aka getting up everyday, getting dressed, getting washed, doing the housework that's most vital like laundry but not putting too much pressure on myself to do dusting for example. I fucking hate it but it's the best I can do right now. I don't have a job so I don't have to worry about facing that. In terms of human connection that's sparse in my life anyway and I've just given up on it whilst feeling so down. Nobody really talks to me anyway but on the odd occasion someone does I do respond, just not as quickly as normal, I ignore them for half the day or 24 hours, but I don't think that's too bad anyway. I don't feel like starting any conversations with anyone these days so I don't, and I doubt anyone is missing me so I don't think it's caused any problems. I'm in a bit of a lose-lose situation as the only person I really enjoy connecting with normally hasn't felt like talking for months - seemingly for the reasons you've stated actually from what I can gather - and in turn it's had the same knock-on effect on me. I feel neglected and abandoned by them which has made me really miserable and lonely and so in turn I'm anti-social too and have also slipped into depression etc perhaps on a similar level as them.

I guess just focus on the best you can manage, even if it's a tiny amount, the best you can do is all you can do and that's ok. ♥
People that matter most should be able to forgive you/understand/empathize. Maybe give yourself things to look forward to, but I know when you feel down it can be hard to find joy in anything. I hope you feel better soon *sadhug
 

lifetalkz

Well-Known Member
#8
For me, my motivation comes from knowing how far I've come....I'm almost 60 years old. My struggles with anxiety disorder and depression began when I was 13 years old. 25-35 were (by far) my worst years. I hit rock bottom at 36...along the way there were three attempts (the first at 13). So my history with extreme depression and mental illness goes back a very long way. I felt out of control and overwhelmed with life for almost 40 years. Today I feel nothing like that. Today I'm so grateful to be alive and totally comfortable in my own skin. Getting to where I am now was extremely difficult and it took a very long time-but I did it. The old cliche' goes....Don't Look Back (You're Not Going That Way)", but I look back constantly because it keeps me in gratitude and motivates me to be a better version of myself than I ever dreamed I could be! Many blessings to you-LT
 
#9
For me, my motivation comes from knowing how far I've come....I'm almost 60 years old. My struggles with anxiety disorder and depression began when I was 13 years old. 25-35 were (by far) my worst years. I hit rock bottom at 36...along the way there were three attempts (the first at 13). So my history with extreme depression and mental illness goes back a very long way. I felt out of control and overwhelmed with life for almost 40 years. Today I feel nothing like that. Today I'm so grateful to be alive and totally comfortable in my own skin. Getting to where I am now was extremely difficult and it took a very long time-but I did it. The old cliche' goes....Don't Look Back (You're Not Going That Way)", but I look back constantly because it keeps me in gratitude and motivates me to be a better version of myself than I ever dreamed I could be! Many blessings to you-LT
Can't help but feel the need to give respect to a veteran. Damn man.

Other than that I can't really give advice to the OP since I'm not sure how I've dragged on this far. Maybe it's purely through entertaining distractions. Whatever it is, hopefully we can all continue trudging/dragging for at least as long.
 

Dante

Took 5 years to learn how to make a custom title.
SF Supporter
#10
So... basically, the most successful ones manage out of some sort of stubborn resolve they arent consciously aware of, or out of a fear things will get worse?

I'm just trying to focus on keeping some basic things going- aka getting up everyday, getting dressed, getting washed, doing the housework that's most vital like laundry but not putting too much pressure on myself to do dusting for example. I fucking hate it but it's the best I can do right now.
Dude, wtf, that sounds damned productive! You actually DUST!? If I even remember to water the potted plants once a month I am doing well, thank fuck they are cacti or they would be LONG dead.
 
#12
So... basically, the most successful ones manage out of some sort of stubborn resolve they arent consciously aware of, or out of a fear things will get worse?


Dude, wtf, that sounds damned productive! You actually DUST!? If I even remember to water the potted plants once a month I am doing well, thank fuck they are cacti or they would be LONG dead.
haha well not as frequently as I normally would, but yeah I get it done 2 or 3 weeks later.... well a small part, literally the desk and that's it, maybe the banister too, not the whole house. I've given up in small doses at times, aka had a few depression naps, but generally I stop myself from doing that too cause I know it doesn't help me in the long run. But yeah, basically the fear of making things worse for myself is why I don't give up totally. It's getting harder to fight though
 

Winslow

Siamese Twin
SF Supporter
#13
Since my Ultimate Dream came true last December (2019) is why I have to stay alive. Having the greatest gift is why it's worth all the current headaches. Cannot waste a gift that took me over 50 years to acquire.
 

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