It's been a while since I've been active on this site as I thought i was getting better. But I was wrong. Recently I've been upset and angry ALL the time. I've never wanted to eat, I've never been able to sleep (and when I do it's for about 5 minutes and usually about myself committing suicide), My head is telling me to give up, I have been easily irritated, I have blocked my family and locked myself up in my room and I have been ignoring my phone and am starting to push everyone away from me. I have been getting back in SH and everything has just been getting worse. I just hate myself. I've always thought i was so ugly, so different, so WORTHLESS. My mind flashes back to all the horrible things in my life. It flashes back to the worst days where I was bullied badly and nearly ended up being pushed down a flight of stairs. I'm always worried about things that don't even matter. I just want to run away or end everything. I have been constantly thinking about killing myself at school (when we get back off break) i just keep thinking; Whats wrong with me? Why am i so worthless? Why do i even keep trying? everyday is a struggle to carry on. I just feel so alone. I can't talk to anyone. One of my friend goes through similar things to me but I just keep pushing her away and saying I'm okay even though she keeps messaging me, I just can't bring myself to talk as I know I'll explode onto her. My other friends knew about my SH before but don't know about everything I've done recently. Thank you for reading this, I just need someone to talk to for help. I don't want to eat, I can't possibly sleep, all I hear and all I can think about is how horrible I am.