Yes, I went to get my arm checked out due to a problem after a SH situation, I have felt okay over the last week until now, I have been crying myself to sleep I can't stop thinking about what my dad did to me, I keep blaming myself as other things that have happened keep getting brought up and keeps making me cry or feel worthless and unable to pull through life.
I sadly keep processing am I alive do i want to be alive or am i done with how everything is treating me with the abuse, men raping me attacking me and people dying on me during 19 years alive i have always been happy but was happy when my daughter was born. I am crying out and I m in pain i really am it probs dont see i am but i am debating if i can be bothered facing my thoughts inside my stupid head.
I ask myself questions, Am i a good enough person? am i worth anything? do i give anyone help or support they need? Should i be alive for what everyone has done to me during my lowest times and when i was at risk they took advantage of me and hurt me which has caused me some pain it has hurt me really bad and idk if i can cope anymore as i am in pain i dont want to die but i hate how my friends dont want me here.
When my daughter died and when i finally spoke out about it i was dead inside i was upset i was really depressed as i did not know what was happening as i was in pain from how i had be brought up and how i was treated growing up i did not want to be here anymore i was quiting i was done for good because of the immense pain my foster brothers and my dad had put me through during my teenage years which hurt me really badly.
I am considering if i want to be here anymore and I need people who don't bully me for being Bisexual or say I am a bad worthless mother to my 5 year old little girl who I love and i am doing my best for her so i am struggling
Ellie -
I sadly keep processing am I alive do i want to be alive or am i done with how everything is treating me with the abuse, men raping me attacking me and people dying on me during 19 years alive i have always been happy but was happy when my daughter was born. I am crying out and I m in pain i really am it probs dont see i am but i am debating if i can be bothered facing my thoughts inside my stupid head.
I ask myself questions, Am i a good enough person? am i worth anything? do i give anyone help or support they need? Should i be alive for what everyone has done to me during my lowest times and when i was at risk they took advantage of me and hurt me which has caused me some pain it has hurt me really bad and idk if i can cope anymore as i am in pain i dont want to die but i hate how my friends dont want me here.
When my daughter died and when i finally spoke out about it i was dead inside i was upset i was really depressed as i did not know what was happening as i was in pain from how i had be brought up and how i was treated growing up i did not want to be here anymore i was quiting i was done for good because of the immense pain my foster brothers and my dad had put me through during my teenage years which hurt me really badly.
I am considering if i want to be here anymore and I need people who don't bully me for being Bisexual or say I am a bad worthless mother to my 5 year old little girl who I love and i am doing my best for her so i am struggling
Ellie -
