I'm one of those "stereotypical" addicts unfortunately. Fully aware of the danger but still wanting to do it. So trust me, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I personally want to believe I don't either but thats hard to do so I understand your feelings.
Just stay as safe as you can and do what you have to to feel better. I know advocating substance use isn't great, and honestly may actually be against the rules, but if you need to drink to feel good right now, just stay safe, and make sure you aren't overdoing it.