BPD Support Thread

[Gwyrdd]

i think i might have bpd or at least another type of personality disorder. i’m worried about this and am going to discuss it with a psychiatrist. how do you deal with a possible diagnosis? i just want to feel less alone

A bpd dx can apparently be hard to get sometimes. So be prepared for that. I dont have a personal story about that but through research and talking to other people some pdocs don't like dxing because there's a lot of overlap and as @Pebble mouse said there's a stigma, unfortunately present in some professionals too.

But whatever your diagnosis your not alone here Good luck

 

[Aves]

I literally just had another blackout. I was sitting on my sofa listening to spotify and suddenly noticed I was near the end of an album. Getting tired of dissociation. 😒👎

That sounds horrible, mine haven’t been so bad recently. I don’t know why because I’ve been really stressed but dissociation doesn’t seem to be kicking in as much as it used to.

 

[Gwyrdd]

Like pebble mouse said, I felt relieved to have the diagnosis because I felt like having a name for this thing that has plagued me nearly all my life could help me understand it better. Also, definitely speaking with others who experience similar issues as mine has been really helpful. I’ve never been able to speak to anyone about things like this before because I feel like they aren’t going to understand me. Plus, it’s not something that’s fully accepted in society to respond to "how are you?" with "I’m really suicidal actually, how are you?". So when I speak to other people with bpd or similar issues to me, I feel much less alone in all that crap that comes with it such as the suicidal ideations, mood swings, SH, etc, etc. I hope you can get some answers that will help

Yeah, it's extremely nice having people you can talk to about the extremes who not only don't judge you but actually relate. Most people hear I'm an addict or they know but hear I'm struggling or actively using, and I'm like... the devil or something. Other borderlines either get it or also struggle with substance abuse and I feel so much less alone.

 

[Aves]

Yeah, it's extremely nice having people you can talk to about the extremes who not only don't judge you but actually relate. Most people hear I'm an addict or they know but hear I'm struggling or actively using, and I'm like... the devil or something. Other borderlines either get it or also struggle with substance abuse and I feel so much less alone.

Yeah I felt like that when I was younger and sleeping around a lot. I didn’t understand what was going on, I didn’t realise how vulnerable and unwell I was but everybody would just judge me and talk about me behind my back but then I learnt that hypersexuality and risky behaviours can come with bpd and I understood why I was doing what I was doing at that time. I feel like we live in a society where people are so quick to judge WHAT people are doing but not actually think about WHY they are doing it and that they might actually need some help.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Plus, it’s not something that’s fully accepted in society to respond to "how are you?" with "I’m really suicidal actually, how are you?"

This made me giggle. Imagine the response....

 

[Innocent Forever]

bpd dx can apparently be hard to get sometimes. So be prepared for that. I dont have a personal story about that but through research and talking to other people some pdocs don't like dxing because there's a lot of overlap

Re the overlap. A lot of bpd symptoms can actually be adhd or asd or cptsd. I'm NOT saying they're the same. And you can have one or more. It takes someone really experienced to be able to assess the difference.

I just had an assessment to see whether they'll do the SCM pathway (similar to DBT, less intensive so less money for the NHS I think) and she told me she screens (not assesses) everyone for adhd and asd too.

 

[Aves]

This made me giggle. Imagine the response....

Haha yeah I did actually say it once because I was sick of saying "I’m fine" when I’m actually not. They were shocked, and then got even more shocked when I said that it was nothing new lol. It’s what we do, I guess, we put that "brave face" on for others but I get so tired of keeping it on all the time.

 

[Aves]

Re the overlap. A lot of bpd symptoms can actually be adhd or asd or cptsd. I'm NOT saying they're the same. And you can have one or more. It takes someone really experienced to be able to assess the difference.

I just had an assessment to see whether they'll do the SCM pathway (similar to DBT, less intensive so less money for the NHS I think) and she told me she screens (not assesses) everyone for adhd and asd too.

I’ve just had that too for SCM, I’m still waiting for my cpn to send the report off we put together for my ASD assessment. The nurse who did the SCM assessment told me that she was going to treat me like I am on the spectrum even though I haven’t had the actual diagnosis yet. In the past year, three mental health professionals have picked up on some traits in me so I feel like the diagnosis may be imminent but we’ll see. I had the bipolar diagnosis before the bpd but I think that was mainly because of side effects of a medication.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I’ve just had that too for SCM, I’m still waiting for my cpn to send the report off we put together for my ASD assessment. The nurse who did the SCM assessment told me that she was going to treat me like I am on the spectrum even though I haven’t had the actual diagnosis yet. In the past year, three mental health professionals have picked up on some traits in me so I feel like the diagnosis may be imminent but we’ll see. I had the bipolar diagnosis before the bpd but I think that was mainly because of side effects of a medication.

Where are you up to on waiting for it?
I'm pretty certain she'd do the same for me 🤷 considering what she said.
What general area do you live - only IF you're comfortable answering that.
That makes sense re bipolar. Trust your knowledge of yourself...

 

[Aves]

Where are you up to on waiting for it?
I'm pretty certain she'd do the same for me 🤷 considering what she said.
What general area do you live - only IF you're comfortable answering that.
That makes sense re bipolar. Trust your knowledge of yourself...

On the ASD assessment? She hasn’t fully finished it yet, the last time I spoke to her about it she said she just wanted to add some things to it that she thought were relevant. I don’t want to sound horrible because I know she’s horrendously busy like all mental health nurses but she can be a bit unreliable at times. I’m in Chorley, I heard the best mental health services in the uk is Northumbria apparently. It’s certainly not here lol.

 

[Gwyrdd]

Yall ever get really bad like... imposter syndrome I guess about your bpd?

Like sometimes I talk to other borderlines, or watch stuff talking about it, social media, etc. Whatever way I see others. And I'm like "Am I as bad as they're describing they are? Did I trick everyone into a bpd dx for attention? Am I just catastrophizing everything?" I know I was abused as a childhood, and an adult, and I'm still around some of that abuse. I know I slept around, have multiple eating disorders, I'm an addict, struggle with SH, suicidal thoughts, multiple comorbid mental illnesses. But maybe I just did it for attention? Maybe I did all that shit to feign a worse disease than I had? Idk... just confused lately i guess

 

[Gwyrdd]

I even know I AM as bad as they describe. But did I trick myself too?

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Yall ever get really bad like... imposter syndrome I guess about your bpd?

Like sometimes I talk to other borderlines, or watch stuff talking about it, social media, etc. Whatever way I see others. And I'm like "Am I as bad as they're describing they are? Did I trick everyone into a bpd dx for attention? Am I just catastrophizing everything?" I know I was abused as a childhood, and an adult, and I'm still around some of that abuse. I know I slept around, have multiple eating disorders, I'm an addict, struggle with SH, suicidal thoughts, multiple comorbid mental illnesses. But maybe I just did it for attention? Maybe I did all that shit to feign a worse disease than I had? Idk... just confused lately i guess

No, I don't think you tricked yourself. But sometimes I feel the same, like others have it worse than me so I shouldn't complain.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm getting in the mode of not wanting to deal with most people, except for a select few. It feels like most people are not going to understand me, except maybe those who have BPD.

 

[Gwyrdd]

No, I don't think you tricked yourself. But sometimes I feel the same, like others have it worse than me so I shouldn't complain.

Maybe you're right. I just don't know anything anymore.

 

[Aves]

Yall ever get really bad like... imposter syndrome I guess about your bpd?

Like sometimes I talk to other borderlines, or watch stuff talking about it, social media, etc. Whatever way I see others. And I'm like "Am I as bad as they're describing they are? Did I trick everyone into a bpd dx for attention? Am I just catastrophizing everything?" I know I was abused as a childhood, and an adult, and I'm still around some of that abuse. I know I slept around, have multiple eating disorders, I'm an addict, struggle with SH, suicidal thoughts, multiple comorbid mental illnesses. But maybe I just did it for attention? Maybe I did all that shit to feign a worse disease than I had? Idk... just confused lately i guess

Yeah I get this a lot, I’m constantly comparing my issues to other peoples and telling myself I’ve probably just faked it all or it’s not been as bad as I think it is. I wasn’t abused in the way that a lot of people connect with that word (such as physical or sexual) so I feel like I shouldn’t be this way. Like I was just a weak and pathetic child that couldn’t even deal with the smallest problem in life that grew into a weak and pathetic adult but I’m trying not to think that way anymore. I’m constantly telling myself that I have a watered down version of bpd and other people have it so much worse than I do but theres clearly been a problem or else I wouldn’t be acting/feeling this way so I’m trying to cut myself some slack.
It’s hard though but I guess it’s all just part of that negative thinking that comes with bpd. I guess the thing with mental illnesses and personality disorders is that it’s brain related and everyone experiences them differently so there is always going to be a variation in people even though there are “classic” traits and symptoms of the disorder.

 

[Aves]

I'm getting in the mode of not wanting to deal with most people, except for a select few. It feels like most people are not going to understand me, except maybe those who have BPD.

I feel like this too, Ive never really felt understood by anyone until I joined SF.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I feel like this too, Ive never really felt understood by anyone until I joined SF.

That's why I like the BPD memes page too, because everyone gets it.

 

[Aves]

That's why I like the BPD memes page too, because everyone gets it.

Good, that’s why I sent you the invite and was hoping that that was ok. I thought you would probably appreciate it like I do, it’s just a bit of a release isn’t it? I get so caught up in it all that just having a bit of a laugh at my own expense kind of helps sometimes if that makes sense?

 

[Aves]

If anyone is interested, it’s just a page on Facebook called BPD memes. There’s probably loads of them but it’s just a public group where you can share memes relating to bpd/mental illness. It’s pretty good if you like to laugh at your own misfortune lol