If I went back and it still didn't work out, I could always just give up on everything completely (might as well at that point). But at least then I'd know I did everything I could to pursue something I was truly passionate about and that meant everything to me, and I'm completely DISpassionate about everything else without that one thing. Even if I can't have both, I already know all the reasons I'd choose love, but I can't think of any to choose "life" because I haven't seen anything special or worthwhile about it as of late.
-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
My mom is basically villainizing me to people by saying things like I don't want her at home. No, I don't want her at home more than she needs to be, because she just gets drunk and yells. And she said people told her, "You're the mother, you can do what you want". Yeah, I guess I still need a keeper at almost 37 years old. Maybe she'll finally let the reins go when I'm 50, but I doubt it. Then she pulls the "You tell your therapist personal stuff" card. Yeah, I'm in therapy to undo the fucking bullshit that was cast upon me by my family. I'm sick of being made to look like the bad guy when I've done basically nothing.
This part resonates with me especially out of everything you said. It's shit feeling like an employee to your family rather than a human.
As for your sense of identity, I think we all feel that way here. Who are we without our people? Without our purpose? Just empty shells that look like people I guess.
As for your sense of identity, I think we all feel that way here. Who are we without our people? Without our purpose? Just empty shells that look like people I guess.
Yeah, don't you love it how they fucking criticize you for not being independent enough, but then make sure to keep you on tight leash and treat you like you're 12. I have to explain myself every time I step foot out the fucking door at this point, whether it be to the store that's a 10 minute walk away or even just across the street to sit on a goddamned park bench. Yeah, because I'm going to learn to be independent that way, for sure.
This part resonates with me especially out of everything you said. It's shit feeling like an employee to your family rather than a human.
As for your sense of identity, I think we all feel that way here. Who are we without our people? Without our purpose? Just empty shells that look like people I guess.
As for your sense of identity, I think we all feel that way here. Who are we without our people? Without our purpose? Just empty shells that look like people I guess.
My philosophical side, however, keeps wanting to chime in with, "who is to even say that our personality style IS abnormal, though, just because we fit a label that is agreed upon by the rest of society to be un-ideal?" What if we were actually given some of the more dominant genes that evolution has (not by any lack of challenge, mind you) tasked us with preserving? Of course, one could argue that we would not then be suicidal because that tends to be a bit counterproductive to our purpose...BUT maybe that is, in fact, the end goal for the future. That is, the suicidal genes eventually become obsolete and our better and more unique qualities to continue to stick around throughout generations until there is such a thing as a human with all the great characteristics of BPD and none of the shitty ones.
I have come to learn that we are a minority in society and it will take more than our lifetime for others to truly understand or grasp the context of what we go through so I feel like I knew to accept other people’s ignorance and Almost say ahh bless you .. you don’t really understand do you. And the more I grow to accept others opinions. Of me the more my BPD loses its power over me . I know it sounds weird and I’m not sure if anyone will understand or get my thought process but by me not having any expectation of others to either get me or underhand me I have learnt to live feee or other peoples views or options . Does that make sense ?
Yeah, totally does make sense, and that's my goal ideally as well, to not have expectations. And not just of others' opinions but life itself. Because if it works that way with people then, surely, it works that way with everything else. You don't have any expectations of shit to go your way and you're more content rather than disappointed. But I guess the hard part is learning to let them go.
I probably am just going back by tomorrow. I tried doing this on my own and I clearly can't. Even if I somehow forced myself to be part of society there's that whole emotional instability issue still. Like I said, worst case scenario, I could have a permanent way out now that I know it won't work any other way.
Thanks. That's probably the best response from anyone I could have hoped for. I hope you know, I'm always there for you too regardless if you're doing well or fucking up. That's what everyone hopes for, I think. Or I do, at least.
And yeah, I pretty much saw exactly what I was walking into yesterday because we used together and I came back to where we used to live together for a few hours. It was just completely trashed, drug paraphernalia everywhere. I felt bad as shit for the dog, but I guess I'll probably be the one cleaning that all up when I get there. It was an instant reminder of everything and I started to have second thoughts at that point but then as soon as I got back here, the same emptiness set in again (and not the good kind where you don't give a fuck, but the kind where you feel alone as ever). So can't really win.
And yeah, I pretty much saw exactly what I was walking into yesterday because we used together and I came back to where we used to live together for a few hours. It was just completely trashed, drug paraphernalia everywhere. I felt bad as shit for the dog, but I guess I'll probably be the one cleaning that all up when I get there. It was an instant reminder of everything and I started to have second thoughts at that point but then as soon as I got back here, the same emptiness set in again (and not the good kind where you don't give a fuck, but the kind where you feel alone as ever). So can't really win.
Last edited: