Part of it is also that he has some pretty critical health issues he really needs to start taking care of asap, and he's been holding it off for weeks now because no one is there to watch the dog if he goes to the hospital. And our dog has severe separation anxiety as it is (if there was any relation, you'd think I gave him all of my genes somehow). And even if i came there twice a day, he'd freak out at night and our roommate is a useless scumbag who wouldn't do shit about it. So if something doesn't give, I'm truly afraid he's going to drive himself into the ground sooner rather than later.
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BPD Support Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
Y'all ever split, and when you realize it's a split you realize the hatred you feel is the only thing stopping you from an immense tsunami of pain that is going to eventually smash into you?
Cuz its been about 2 days and waiting for the shift is so fucking nervewracking. I've been through it enough to know the general feelings of guilt, etc. But this time big changes happened during the episode... who knows maybe I won't care.
Realistically we all know I will though.
Cuz its been about 2 days and waiting for the shift is so fucking nervewracking. I've been through it enough to know the general feelings of guilt, etc. But this time big changes happened during the episode... who knows maybe I won't care.
Realistically we all know I will though.
Times like this, my BPD isn't so bad. I keep switching between desolation and "don't give a fuck". That's definitely my personality disorder knocking at the door, saying, "nope, fuck this; this is not what we're trying to feel right now, so fuck everyone and everything". God, do it more fucking often, why don't ya?
Also, I wasn't really sure before, it was more of an assumption than anything else, but now I'm pretty convinced that my mother, at least, thinks I'm a burden because I'm not working quickly enough. She tried to convince me that my brother also thought the same even though he's said nothing of the sort to her or me. This was just her mentality. But I love how the whole "manipulative bitch" thing automatically comes out. She's basically like, "either move back here or I'm getting another tenant and if he kicks you out youll be fucked". Like, fuck you...seriously. So yeah...why shouldn't I move back in with my husband again? Granted, perhaps my brother gives a shit and doesn't think any of the shit she's saying, but I feel like he either will eventually or maybe I should just go regardless because I make him worry too much every time I step foot out the door. He seems like he doesn't even want me walking up one block to the store. Always offers to drive me. I should get the fuck out of everyone's way. This whole "you're family and you matter" bullshit I kept getting told in the beginning doesn't seem to be the case anymore.
The last time I talked to him I said plenty. And he hasn't even responded to that (which btw was literally a response to a question he asked) so I'm not the one in the wrong here.
I've definitely landed on "fuck feeling this shit" again. Strange since I'm a happy drunk 99% of the time but not today.
I've definitely landed on "fuck feeling this shit" again. Strange since I'm a happy drunk 99% of the time but not today.
