BPD Support Thread

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Someday, we all won't have to. But while you're here, might as well try to make the most of it. You'll have an eternity of nothingness to look forward to either way.

Mine is more like, until I choose to end it. Because I can't see a bunch of years of this shit.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I realize I'd be leaving maybe a few people behind who might care. But they would get over that at some point.

 

[Gwyrdd]

Mine is more like, until I choose to end it. Because I can't see a bunch of years of this shit.

Lately I've let suicidal potentiality kind of empower me. Granted, I'm high af now again and definitely more positive. But like, my life is in MY hands. I get to choose if I live or die and I get to enjoy myself as best as I can until I make that choice.

 

[Aurelia]

Mine is more like, until I choose to end it. Because I can't see a bunch of years of this shit.

We always have a choice, and it's nice to know that we do, but to be fair, there's lots of shit I couldn't possibly foresee happening (without me losing my fucking mind in the process) that ended up happening. And what do you know, I'm still here. We're a lot more resilient than we think...it's not fun to have to be, but it's still the truth. You don't know how you're actually going to handle something until you have to handle it.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Lately I've let suicidal potentiality kind of empower me. Granted, I'm high af now again and definitely more positive. But like, my life is in MY hands. I get to choose if I live or die and I get to enjoy myself as best as I can until I make that choice.

I feel like there's not much in the future for me. Well, it will probably get worse. Don't really see a point to that.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

We always have a choice, and it's nice to know that we do, but to be fair, there's lots of shit I couldn't possibly foresee happening (without me losing my fucking mind in the process) that ended up happening. And what do you know, I'm still here. We're a lot more resilient than we think...it's not fun to have to be, but it's still the truth. You don't know how you're actually going to handle something until you have to handle it.

Except if I finally get to the point where I want to give up, which seems a lot easier than continuing to fight for nothing.

 

[Aurelia]

Lately I've let suicidal potentiality kind of empower me. Granted, I'm high af now again and definitely more positive. But like, my life is in MY hands. I get to choose if I live or die and I get to enjoy myself as best as I can until I make that choice.

Damn right. Not saying let's all go get high (unless you're buying...lol jk) but point is, we do always have a choice and it's nice to know we have it.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

People might be hurt but then they'd already kind of expect that from me, since I've talked about it for years. So maybe that would make it easier to get over.

 

[Gwyrdd]

Damn right. Not saying let's all go get high (unless you're buying...lol jk) but point is, we do always have a choice and it's nice to know we have it.

Honestly, if you can be responsible, damn right get high. I CAN'T be. But I do it anyway lol. My roommates broken ankle was buying this time

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Like, if I wasn't such a moron and coward, I would have gotten it over with a long time ago. But I just happen to be stupid like that. lol

 

[Gwyrdd]

Except if I finally get to the point where I want to give up, which seems a lot easier than continuing to fight for nothing.

I think you have a lot to look forward to. Your writing, your nephew growing up, the people here that care, etc.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I think you have a lot to look forward to. Your writing, your nephew growing up, the people here that care, etc.

People think my writing is shit...maybe not all of them, but it makes me feel insecure. My nephew probably wouldn't notice my absence, and neither would others. Or they would but it wouldn't make much of an impact.

 

[Aurelia]

Honestly, if you can be responsible, damn right get high. I CAN'T be. But I do it anyway lol. My roommates broken ankle was buying this time

I think very few people can actually be "responsible" with it, if you define responsible as basically still being a functional member of society and not doing a bunch of stupid, impulsive shit. But with some things, I guess I can be. Like, I'm not swallowing handfuls of benzos, for example, even though I technically can. But opiates and crack, once I get going, there's no being responsible at all. The last $1000 I spent confirms that fact.

 

[Gwyrdd]

People think my writing is shit...maybe not all of them, but it makes me feel insecure. My nephew probably wouldn't notice my absence, and neither would others. Or they would but it wouldn't make much of an impact.

Notice how I never said anything about their feelings though? Don't think I mentioned anything other than what YOU have to look forward to. Don't base your worth off them.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Notice how I never said anything about their feelings though? Don't think I mentioned anything other than what YOU have to look forward to. Don't base your worth off them.

I'm BPD so how do I not base my worth off what other people think of me? I don't know how to feel about myself at all.

 

[Gwyrdd]

I think very few people can actually be "responsible" with it, if you define responsible as basically still being a functional member of society and not doing a bunch of stupid, impulsive shit. But with some things, I guess I can be. Like, I'm not swallowing handfuls of benzos, for example, even though I technically can. But opiates and crack, once I get going, there's no being responsible at all. The last $1000 I spent confirms that fact.

Yeah, my "just one or two" plans never pan out. "Just one or two more after the first 2 or 3" is more like it.

 

[Gwyrdd]

I'm BPD so how do I not base my worth off what other people think of me? I don't know how to feel about myself at all.

Well, I can't really tell you cuz im not sure. But you know you like things. And you know you'd like to see certain things progress. Work with it that way.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Well, I can't really tell you cuz im not sure. But you know you like things. And you know you'd like to see certain things progress. Work with it that way.

Yeah, I'd like to see my life progress to death. Wow, that was something that actually made me smile. Kinda dark but at least it worked.

 

[Aurelia]

I'm BPD so how do I not base my worth off what other people think of me? I don't know how to feel about myself at all.

I hear you on that one. I'm kind of just now trying to figure that part out myself. If I'm not in a relationship, I have no clue who I am because I've basically been in one since I was 15, with maybe a 2-month period of being single somewhere in between, at most. Drastic change like that is hard...and very painful. But we're choosing to still be here because there's still that ounce of hope that somehow, some way, our actions will lead us to something better in the future. If there truly was no hope at all, none of us would be talking right now.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I hear you on that one. I'm kind of just now trying to figure that part out myself. If I'm not in a relationship, I have no clue who I am because I've basically been in one since I was 15, with maybe a 2-month period of being single somewhere in between, at most. Drastic change like that is hard...and very painful. But we're choosing to still be here because there's still that ounce of hope that somehow, some way, our actions will lead us to something better in the future. If there truly was no hope at all, none of us would be talking right now.

I'm just sick of feeling the same way after like 25-30 years. I can't fathom more of it.