How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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In a very bad state and vulnerable I got up and was sad about leaving but not devastated - was consoling myself planning my return. As my luck would have it - when do I ever have any good luck - they were replacing the door locks at the hotel on this my last morning so it wasn't very peaceful - why do it in full summer season and before the checkout window?! Would have made more sense to do it between checkout and checkin! Anyway I got up and felt this horrible twinge in my back. Didnt think much of it apart from some strain from all the walking or sleeping funny. Managed to get my bags to the station. My main problem was fighting with my hyperactive bladder as it started yesterday evening and was just not relenting. Also had my inflamed eye to worry about.
After surviving the train journey I was quite pleased with myself - after going to loo every 5 minutes I'd managed to sit and manage my bladder, I know I usually don't NEED to go, it's just bladder nerves telling me I'd better just in case.... Anyway, I shifted in my seat to get my stuff (phone, glasses) put away when I had this massive and intense horrible pain in my lower back. I had to stand for the rest of the journey. Had to use the loo anyway, which was like a rubik's cube - you have a button, but you also have to manually drag a door. So have to rely on friendly other passengers telling you if you've not been in a long distance train in 5 years.... I managed to get my bags off the train and walk the entire length of the station with them - it is a big station and my platform is about half a mile from main entrance. Got to bus stop, thought at 2pm it would be OK getting a bus out. The wrong bus came again and again while I stood there in agony with my back feeling worse.. I was dreading bus even turning up as getting thrown around by their crazy braking and swerving is not fun at the best of times. A bus that goes near my house came, but was already standing only. After 40 minutes I rage quit the bus stand and went back into the station to draw out cash for a cab. Back exploded in pain when I bent down to pick up my bags. Then had no choice but to throw my bags in a cab, sit down and suffer through the insane traffic. It's 3pm Monday not 4pm Friday?
Got home and took every med I have available for pain and stress - opioids for the pain and diazepam for the muscle relaxation. I did everything right. I stopped running. I took a break, I took is as easy as I could, and I get back off my vacation feeling suicidal because it just threw more problems at me. If it's going to be this hard travelling it looks like another avenue cut off and I wonder if I will ever be able to go again. My back is fucked, I already had enough shit to deal with, no sooner have I fought my leg and my bladder than some new insult gets me slapped in the face. If I'm honest, waiting for the bus I started thinking about catching a different bus because it's starting to look like my life is destined to be pain, misery, and pain, with little interludes of Okayness just to rub it in.
I haven't slept properly in well over a week, it was rough trying to sleep in the hotel, I was next to the fire escape the door kept rattling in frame with wind. I'm now frightened to even lie down as I don't know what impact it will have on my spine.
I'm home. I will try to regroup and monitor back. I've got better meds than the GP would give me, for now I need to triage. The fucking work emails can wait until tomorrow.
At least my house was in once piece when i got back, you sometimes forget little home comforts you notice when you get back.
After surviving the train journey I was quite pleased with myself - after going to loo every 5 minutes I'd managed to sit and manage my bladder, I know I usually don't NEED to go, it's just bladder nerves telling me I'd better just in case.... Anyway, I shifted in my seat to get my stuff (phone, glasses) put away when I had this massive and intense horrible pain in my lower back. I had to stand for the rest of the journey. Had to use the loo anyway, which was like a rubik's cube - you have a button, but you also have to manually drag a door. So have to rely on friendly other passengers telling you if you've not been in a long distance train in 5 years.... I managed to get my bags off the train and walk the entire length of the station with them - it is a big station and my platform is about half a mile from main entrance. Got to bus stop, thought at 2pm it would be OK getting a bus out. The wrong bus came again and again while I stood there in agony with my back feeling worse.. I was dreading bus even turning up as getting thrown around by their crazy braking and swerving is not fun at the best of times. A bus that goes near my house came, but was already standing only. After 40 minutes I rage quit the bus stand and went back into the station to draw out cash for a cab. Back exploded in pain when I bent down to pick up my bags. Then had no choice but to throw my bags in a cab, sit down and suffer through the insane traffic. It's 3pm Monday not 4pm Friday?
Got home and took every med I have available for pain and stress - opioids for the pain and diazepam for the muscle relaxation. I did everything right. I stopped running. I took a break, I took is as easy as I could, and I get back off my vacation feeling suicidal because it just threw more problems at me. If it's going to be this hard travelling it looks like another avenue cut off and I wonder if I will ever be able to go again. My back is fucked, I already had enough shit to deal with, no sooner have I fought my leg and my bladder than some new insult gets me slapped in the face. If I'm honest, waiting for the bus I started thinking about catching a different bus because it's starting to look like my life is destined to be pain, misery, and pain, with little interludes of Okayness just to rub it in.
I haven't slept properly in well over a week, it was rough trying to sleep in the hotel, I was next to the fire escape the door kept rattling in frame with wind. I'm now frightened to even lie down as I don't know what impact it will have on my spine.
I'm home. I will try to regroup and monitor back. I've got better meds than the GP would give me, for now I need to triage. The fucking work emails can wait until tomorrow.
At least my house was in once piece when i got back, you sometimes forget little home comforts you notice when you get back.
Hoping that the crazy scream inducing pain in my back was a spasm rather than a new herniated disc. Signs are good that I've been moving around, albeit on shed loads of painkillers, and not had the intense pain it started off as on the train. Was horrible having no choice but to carry the bags and get home. Hopefully I will actually sleep tonight when back in my own bed!
Time for some air fried whatever I've got in the freezer!
Time for some air fried whatever I've got in the freezer!
Thanks, appreciated. sorry you have have been having a rough time for other reasons. Thanks for mentioning me and your support ❤️
Back to some kind of grind tomorrow. I've found you can refer yourself to the MSK pathway for physio, but I either seem to be in the wrong postcode or the links are broken. Why does it not surprise me? 🤔 Hopefully my self treatment will help. Can't help but wonder if forgetting my stretching routine because of being away might have contributed. Time will tell. First some sleep, hopefully. Think I'll watch a dinosaur program before bed.
Back to some kind of grind tomorrow. I've found you can refer yourself to the MSK pathway for physio, but I either seem to be in the wrong postcode or the links are broken. Why does it not surprise me? 🤔 Hopefully my self treatment will help. Can't help but wonder if forgetting my stretching routine because of being away might have contributed. Time will tell. First some sleep, hopefully. Think I'll watch a dinosaur program before bed.
Anxious. Back pain is down to a grumble, I managed to sleep on it and no more intense flashes of pain but am finding it difficult to sit to do any work and need to keep moving around - ironically it seemed to be too much movement which kicked this all off. At least it's downshifted from screaming agony yesterday and I CAN move, it looks like nothing is locked or completely broken. Fingers crossed! 🤞
I went out to my car after work yesterday and it was dead. A coworker jump started me and it turns out it's the alternator, which is another $250. I didn't expect. Glad I got that credit card a few months ago. My daughter's father put a new one in and is still trying to put the belt in today. The only weird thing is he hugs and kisses me before he leaves, I pray the gesture isn't sexual. He is a good guy and have consistently told my daughter so when she stopped speaking to him a few months ago, she says he's negative. I say, he's your father and loves you.
I think youre being strong and doing a good job with your son @Reality . Hopefully, when he's older, he will understand that youre helping him stand on his own two feet. He's young yet, about the age of my daughter (22) and son (26) if I remember correctly?
I hope you can channel your inner child and do something that you enjoy, even if it's reading, crafts, etc. Big (((hugs))) to you.
I hope you can channel your inner child and do something that you enjoy, even if it's reading, crafts, etc. Big (((hugs))) to you.
