How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I am feeling extra sad; lonely instead of alone. I'll have to choose a place to move pretty soon now. Moving is dismal and it sucks, and this time I"ll likely be going even farther away from the ocean. I'm trying to console myself with a promise to travel, to visit the ocean, but not sure it'll be in the budget in future.

I’m so sorry. I can practically feel your sadness through my screen. You deserve better, but unfortunately for the good people, life isn’t fair. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not actively UNfair, as if no good deed goes unpunished!



Although it’s about the best I can do, I wish I could give you more than virtual hugs. This too will pass, and so will the next thing after that. Maybe it’s a harsh mercy of mother nature that no one is here forever.

I think that the sadness is able to serve a purpose, though. I haven’t thought that one through yet, but in a quick sketch, what would life be like without sadness? I am not trying to say everything is perfect, but rather that it gives life a dimension of depth that would be lacking if everyone was self sufficient on their own.

Man I wish I knew who put the philosopher’s kool-aid in my water bottle today. 🤪

 

[Windhover]

I'll be alright @LumberJack . Thank you, your hugs are much appreciated. Always!

At some point I'll be on the other side of this and likely writing how nice it is to be in a new place

 

[AvidFan]

I’m so sorry. I can practically feel your sadness through my screen. You deserve better, but unfortunately for the good people, life isn’t fair. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not actively UNfair, as if no good deed goes unpunished!



Although it’s about the best I can do, I wish I could give you more than virtual hugs. This too will pass, and so will the next thing after that. Maybe it’s a harsh mercy of mother nature that no one is here forever.

I think that the sadness is able to serve a purpose, though. I haven’t thought that one through yet, but in a quick sketch, what would life be like without sadness? I am not trying to say everything is perfect, but rather that it gives life a dimension of depth that would be lacking if everyone was self sufficient on their own.

Man I wish I knew who put the philosopher’s kool-aid in my water bottle today. 🤪

I have experienced moments of feeling that everything is perfect, sometimes in deep meditation, others when dabbling with chemicals that have a pH lower than 7 or certain fungi... It makes sense in the moment, that sadness, pain, suffering are all just perfect. But it's kind of hard to reconcile outside those states, and cheer up you're just not seeing things clearly is a bit rubbish!

 

[AvidFan]

So far so good. Got past the window where the infection previously relapsed. Whatever it's done, the extra week of antibiotics has paused it for longer - and hopefully for good. Needs 2 weeks clear and proof of cure sample to make sure but... 3.5 days and counting.

 

[DarkNightshade]

I'm feeling okay today, but very drained. I had an appointment with my therapist this afternoon, during which I decided to talk about some painful experiences. This was difficult, especially since this was the first time I explained all of this to someone who actually listened. I've met lots of quacks who dismissed it without even trying to understand the pain, but this one is the real deal. Tackling schemas is difficult, and I have a lot of work to do.

 

[may71]

The oncologist thinks I'm already at stage 4.

That's awful news, I'm sorry.

 

[may71]

Love my Thursday treat 😸

This made me imagine cats giving their pet humans treats

 

[may71]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

 

[Windhover]

I think that the sadness is able to serve a purpose, though.

After you wrote this, I attempted to tease out of my mind what that purpose might be, with no success. Well there is the obvious one of it sometimes triggering si; hopefully that's not you're getting at here. I thought perhaps I paint more when I am sad? No. Perhaps my artwork has more intensity or vitality when I am sad? No. Maybe I am more empathetic towards others when I am sad? Nope, because the depression detracts from my abilit to be attentive to others. Still I am open to your wisdom on the purpose of sadness.

Also, as I cannot go to the ocean the name seabird no longer makes sense, and have changed my Sf name to Windhover.

I feel I could handle things better if there was only the damage rather than the added, and complicated pain of loss and homesickness.

 

[KM76710]

I'm awaiting a diagnosis for some lesions that a CAT scan revealed on my liver. My personal physician and the oncologist are of the opinion that they're malignant.
There's a PET scan scheduled, an ENT scan and a biopsy too.
The oncologist thinks I'm already at stage 4.

Of course I'm thinking about the end of life.
If symptoms get too bad, the option of the quick exit seems like the obvious choice.

There's no significant other to leave behind. No children. No close friends. And I don't really enjoy my life anyway.
I'm 73 years old.

On the positive side my church friends and several people from a volunteer group have all told me they'll be eager to help and that I mustn't think I'm alone.

But I do feel pretty alone.

Sad to hear that diagnosis. Cancer(s) in that same area was what happened to my mom: liver, pancreas, gall bladder back 12 years ago when she was 75. I am glad that you do have people around thinking of you and hopefully being there for you and with you.

 

[PrincessPure]

I was roommates with this friend of mine for 2 months and she was the worst roommate you could imagine. Didn’t flush the toilet properly, never once took out the trash in 2 months, didn’t move one bit to clean anything when we were giving the house back to the landlord.
I didn’t say one thing in those 2 months despite feeling pure torture. I thought I will just go back to our hometown from the traineeship and act like she was never a friend.
After we went back tho she eventually invited me over to hangout and I never said no despite not liking her. I just wanted both of us to phase out of the friendship slowly not a dramatic breakup. To the point that was hurtful to my soul.

and for what? For her to end the friendship in the worst way possible, and block me from every social media this week. Exactly what I was trying to avoid in the first place. And now she doesn’t even have the slightest idea that I was done with her first. It’s so sad how heartless and selfish people are. And I think I’m a people pleaser and that is a problem.

 

[Pebble mouse]

Does anyone know what has happened to @seabird? I am extremely worried about her. She made a disturbing post, and now she seems to have disappeared. I would really appreciate a response. Thanks.

 

[AvidFan]

Does anyone know what has happened to @seabird? I am extremely worried about her. She made a disturbing post, and now she seems to have disappeared. I would really appreciate a response. Thanks.

Changed name to @Windhover

I've thought the same when other users changed name and wondered where they'd gone when they were posting in plain sight! Thanks for noticing ❤️

 

[AvidFan]

After you wrote this, I attempted to tease out of my mind what that purpose might be, with no success. Well there is the obvious one of it sometimes triggering si; hopefully that's not you're getting at here. I thought perhaps I paint more when I am sad? No. Perhaps my artwork has more intensity or vitality when I am sad? No. Maybe I am more empathetic towards others when I am sad? Nope, because the depression detracts from my abilit to be attentive to others. Still I am open to your wisdom on the purpose of sadness.

Also, as I cannot go to the ocean the name seabird no longer makes sense, and have changed my Sf name to Windhover.

I feel I could handle things better if there was only the damage rather than the added, and complicated pain of loss and homesickness.

I hope one day will see @seabird again because things changed in some wonderful way and you made it to a new coastal home.

 

[Pebble mouse]

I've thought the same when other users changed name and wondered where they'd gone when they were posting in plain sight! Thanks for noticing ❤️

Oh, thank god. I was really worried. Thanks @AvidFan. @Windhover, I hope you are OK. (h)

 

[Windhover]

Thank you for caring @Pebble mouse. (h) I hope you are on the mend.

I am holding a promise I made not to purposely harm my life.

 

[DarkNightshade]

I'm not really okay, but I manage to push through without too much effort. I'm not yet stable, and parasitised by ruminations.

 

[AvidFan]

I was doing OK today but my mood has crashed. I went to do a bit of shopping and it started raining, stopping me from going for my walk this afternoon. I thought never mind, I will fire up a project and do 2-3 hours of work then go for walk later. I am really short of money at the moment, it is running through my fingers no matter what I do but I am willing to work. The only thing I felt mentally able to work on, well I got started and then the site fell over, so I wasted about an hour and lost all the work. Tried all the Slack postings and just got vague messages about x isn't working, we're working on it, blah blah blah. Nothing since. I tried to write it off by my brain won't. I thought it looked brighter outside but had a look - thunder and lightning. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. Or am trying to tell myself. But repeatedly spending more money to survive each month than is coming in, let's just say the maths doesn't work and it's not going to end well sooner or later. And even when I have the energy to do the work, the platform falls over.

I just feel a bit sad and defeated.

 

[Tecwen Whittock]

Terrible, I'm such a write off as a person.

 

[LumberJack]

sometimes in deep meditation, others when dabbling with chemicals that have a pH lower than 7 or certain fungi... But it's kind of hard to reconcile outside those states, and cheer up you're just not seeing things clearly is a bit rubbish!

Oh dear, I hope that’s not how I came across. I don’t think that was what you meant, but if anyone else took it that way, I’d like to clarify below -

I meant quite the opposite. My underlying meaning, as I see it for now, is that we don’t need to be blissfully unaware of our own pain and that of others.

I like the metaphor of a grindstone, as in those old school knife sharpening tools- pain can grind us down as well as sharpen our insight, so to speak. The difference is in the angle of approach. Either way, though it’s still pain.

Life is suffering; to deny this leads to all sorts of destructive illusions. I have learned from my grief that, I sometimes have to go through it, as opposed to, e.g., getting high or some other form of avoidance. Again this is still very rough draft for me. I totally apologize if I sounded glib or flippant.