I feel so hopeless.

[Soda-Voxel]

Even though I had a wonderful day today, I still want to off myself after all this.

I’m trying so, so hard to have hope. I need to be here for my friends, I have to help them, I have to stay alive. There are things I love, people I love, to be here for. But I just hate myself far too much. The pain is too great. I am ungrateful for all the good things in my life and everything I do reminds me of how much I hate myself. Suicide feels so inevitable for me and it’s scaring me. I just want to feel more often happy than sad. It’s so, so goddamn tiring, no matter what I do to make myself happy, it always ends up making me remember how much of a failure I feel, how useless I feel, in the end. Even if I enjoy it so much, it ends in pain always.

I want to get therapy. I do. But I just know deep down it won’t work, nothing will. I never take advice from anyone. I make false promises to get better and then do nothing. I push people away when they try support me. I am literally too lazy to stop myself from actually dying.

I don’t know what to do. I feel utterly and truly hopeless. I don’t even know what to say to anyone. I just.......want it to stop. I don’t want to want to die constantly. This isn’t life.

 

[may71]

There may be some minimal-effort thing that you could do to try to get better, and then eventually you might be willing and able to put more effort in. There was a time when all I could do was just try to eat and drink everything served warm, and mostly have freshly cooked foods instead of raw or processed. That seemed to help me though, and I was eventually able to do more.

You might want to look at the link in my signature, even if the treatment methods there aren't anything that you're ready to try yet.

I don’t want to want to die constantly. This isn’t life.

That's awful. I hope you'll be able to find your way through this

 

[ib4uib]

Even though I had a wonderful day today, I still want to off myself after all this.

I’m trying so, so hard to have hope. I need to be here for my friends, I have to help them, (This already says so much about who you are, how much you care, this alone confirms to me you are a good soul) I have to stay alive. There are things I love, people I love, to be here for(Not many people are like you out in this big wide world). I just hate myself far too much. The pain is too great. I am ungrateful for all the good things in my life and everything I do reminds me of how much I hate myself. (This is the point you suddenly make no sense to me, if you were selfish and hated everyone everything around you then maybe I could begin to understand, all I can think of is you have let yourself get familiar with the self hated, it's become familiar ground though obviously fuels some kid of anxiety within yourself, but you don't need me to tell you this, I'm pretty sure you recognize what triggers these feelings)
Suicide feels so inevitable for me and it’s scaring me. I just want to feel more often happy than sad. It’s so, so goddamn tiring, no matter what I do to make myself happy, it always ends up making me remember how much of a failure I feel, how useless I feel, in the end. Even if I enjoy it so much, it ends in pain always. (The trick is to challenge the negativity/anxiety at the point it starts up when you have had an enjoyable day, don't just let it come from nowhere and building up without you challenging it in any way whatsoever. Do this enough it will begin to fade)

I want to get therapy. I do. But I just know deep down it won’t work, nothing will. I never take advice from anyone. I make false promises to get better and then do nothing people away when they try support me. I am literally too lazy to stop myself from actually dying.
(So all you need to do is make a conscious effort to challenge the thoughts your letting control you, you've got this)



I don’t know what to do.I feel utterly hopeless. I don’t even know what to say to anyone. I just.......want it to stop. I don’t want to want to die constantly. This isn’t life.

PS. Those last 2 lines are part of the battle against the thoughts which are causing you the distress, that's all you need to do, you want it to stop, and you only need you to make it stop, but you already know this. All you have to do is to remember to challenge it everytime it starts up.

Life is one big battleground, and most of the time the only true fight is with ourselves, I used to say, 'why me', why does this crap have to happen to me, then I started fighting it, and slowly I began to realize I was in more control than I had previously thought!

Never give up giving up!

 

[Waves]

You have friends and if you have a home, financial means, physical health, youth, opportunities and safety? then there is one word I have for you. Biochemical. 🥴