I feel the most lonely I've ever felt.

[Maria2120]

So I guess this has to do with family, friends and relationships. I'm one of the younger people on here and I just want to know I'm not the only one who ever feels this way. I've been doing so well. I haven't SH since thanks giving day. I honestly thought I was doing okay. But now I feel this way again and truthfully I'm just sick and tired of it all. I'll explain why now.. I was in class and I have this huge issue where I get extremely jealous when my best friend is talking to someone else i have yet to know why but this has been happening for as long as I can remember. I hate it so much it tears me apart. She says she cares about the other person a lot but I am the most important. And she's always mentioning her. And yesterday in class she talked to her the whole period completely ignored me as she always does when she's with this particular individual and hurts so bad she turned back to look at me twice and it hurt I couldn't take it. I also have anxiety and out teacher asked for us to turn in a paper and I didn't (I was afraid to get up) and the teacher ended up calling me out on it and that broke me. I felt useless and like I was being ignored and so pathetic. They were laughing so loud right in front of me and not once did my best friend even say hi. I don't know if she actually cares about me I mean I know she does because we've ended our friendship so many times and she's tried so hard for me to come back and she's explained so many times how much I matter to her that everyone else could die but she needs me and I think it's just a pity thing now and I'm confused and she's the only person I'll ever need but she doesn't need me and I feel like nothing. I have only 3 close friends. No one contacts me but them. And I pushed 2 of them away and this is happening with her and I feel like no one cares about me. With family I don't know how to act. I don't hug. I act politely but it seems forced. My step dad was always physically abusive growing up and I guess that made me afraid. My mom was depressed and that made me afraid to interact with her too. They both think I don't actually care but of course I do. I just have no idea how to show it and they never contact me either and I end up feeling like nothing once again. With relationships I haven't been in one since april 2016. I'be dated and kissed a few people but I can't fucking let go of that one relationship. It's almost been a year and other guys don't help. I can't stop thinking about the guy. At first I was devastated then I felt as if I'd almost stopped caring but they always come back to mind and they broke up with me and I feel like the only reason I can't let go is because I never told them I loved them. Right before the guy broke up with me they said "I love you". And I did too but I couldn't say it and I don't know why. Then he thought I cheated on him with a guy I hung out with and we ended up breaking up. also I forgot to mention we were both depressed while dating except I showed it more and I didn't know i was depressed till I went to the doctor. And I hadn't known he was depressed while dating me till he told one of my close friends. So most of the relationship was him trying to figure out what was wrong. He even showed me his SH. He spoke to me about his passions and how his future had to involve me and it all became nothing. I have no one in my life I feel useless. I have many things I can do to feel better or distract myself but I can't get myself to do any of them because I don't have enough motivation. Suicidal thoughts won't go away and I'm on the verge of SH again. Please tell me i'm not alone

 

[QuantumLeap]

Read this my friend https://www.suicideforum.com/2017/01/05/so-lonely-it-hurts/

 

[QuantumLeap]

You are not alone Maria... I promise you ... Loneliness is an awful thing to contend with.

I am really happy to see you have joined our community... and are reaching out for support Hopefully we can chat soon.

Take care and keep safe.

 

[lifetalkz]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much-I know exactly what you're going through. I've been there many times and the sense of emptiness inside is absolutely horrible!! You feel completely alone-unseen, unheard and unloved. But the truth is that you're not alone-there are many (like me) who see you, hear you and love you. Sometimes you have no choice but to surrender to certain realities in your life and try to make the best of things. It seems as if this might be one of those times-but you are in the right place here on SF. If you want to talk more about how you feel I'm sure that many (including me) will do their best to help. If not-I just wish you the very best of luck going forward. God bless-LT

 

[Maria2120]

You are not alone Maria... I promise you ... Loneliness is an awful thing to contend with.

I am really happy to see you have joined our community... and are reaching out for support Hopefully we can chat soon.

Take care and keep safe.

Thank you. The article definitely got me thinking. Have a good day too

 

[Maria2120]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much-I know exactly what you're going through. I've been there many times and the sense of emptiness inside is absolutely horrible!! You feel completely alone-unseen, unheard and unloved. But the truth is that you're not alone-there are many (like me) who see you, hear you and love you. Sometimes you have no choice but to surrender to certain realities in your life and try to make the best of things. It seems as if this might be one of those times-but you are in the right place here on SF. If you want to talk more about how you feel I'm sure that many (including me) will do their best to help. If not-I just wish you the very best of luck going forward. God bless-LT

I'm glad you could relate thanks for sharing.
I hope the best for you ❤️ And thanks you for the advice.

 

[Acy]

Hi, you're not alone. Lots of people feel lonely sometimes. I'm sorry about the things that are adding to your feelings of loneliness.

First off, you seem to be a very nice, likeable sort of person. I see someone who is very observant and aware of her surroundings, someone who wants to understand and be good to others. There is nothing wrong with those qualities at all.

I'm sorry about your ex bf. I think you deserve to be with someone who cares about you as much as you care about him. This fellow left after saying "I love you" because you didn't say it right back, and then he "thought" you were cheating on him? He sounds young...and maybe not ready for a real relationship.

Maybe you've done this, but perhaps you could meet a few more people so you don't feel so let down if one friend isn't available...you'll have other friends and things to do and think about.

It's hard, I know that. Just remember that you're a good person. You'll meet lots more people here, too, I'm sure.

 

[moxman]

Hello Maria, I am Barry

I hate you are feeling this way. I totally understand where you are coming from. you are not alone or silly for feeling this way at all. I also grew up in an abusive household and had no idea how to interact with others, especially females. somehow, an angel fell into my lap and took me under her wing and protected me and showed me how to be myself. she was awesome.

you mention you are depressed and you are hanging out on a placed called SuicideForums, are you seeing any kind of counsellor to help you deal with these feelings or a psychiatrist to give you some medication to help you feel better?

if you are having a bad day, please come here and let us know. you are not alone in this, you are part of our community. don't hesitate to reach out if you need help or just in a bad place. you are safe, you are here. we will never judge you. we will never ridicule you. we will emotional support you and give you lots of s.

 

[Maria2120]

Hi, you're not alone. Lots of people feel lonely sometimes. I'm sorry about the things that are adding to your feelings of loneliness.

First off, you seem to be a very nice, likeable sort of person. I see someone who is very observant and aware of her surroundings, someone who wants to understand and be good to others. There is nothing wrong with those qualities at all.

I'm sorry about your ex bf. I think you deserve to be with someone who cares about you as much as you care about him. This fellow left after saying "I love you" because you didn't say it right back, and then he "thought" you were cheating on him? He sounds young...and maybe not ready for a real relationship.

Maybe you've done this, but perhaps you could meet a few more people so you don't feel so let down if one friend isn't available...you'll have other friends and things to do and think about.

It's hard, I know that. Just remember that you're a good person. You'll meet lots more people here, too, I'm sure.

Thank you so, so much. You don't understand how much this comment helped. You made me feel loved and like I deserve better and made me believe it for once. Keep helping people out. You're a very kind person and I'd love to have a friend like you in real life. Thanks for being here❤️

 

[Maria2120]

Hello Maria, I am Barry

I hate you are feeling this way. I totally understand where you are coming from. you are not alone or silly for feeling this way at all. I also grew up in an abusive household and had no idea how to interact with others, especially females. somehow, an angel fell into my lap and took me under her wing and protected me and showed me how to be myself. she was awesome.

you mention you are depressed and you are hanging out on a placed called SuicideForums, are you seeing any kind of counsellor to help you deal with these feelings or a psychiatrist to give you some medication to help you feel better?

if you are having a bad day, please come here and let us know. you are not alone in this, you are part of our community. don't hesitate to reach out if you need help or just in a bad place. you are safe, you are here. we will never judge you. we will never ridicule you. we will emotional support you and give you lots of s.

I know how it feels to grow up in an abusive household. It's nice having someone agree with me. I wish it would've been different for the both of us. To answer your question I am no longer seeing a counselor I hated my last one planned to see a new one and I never made an appointment. Then I found this site and I'm talking about my terrible thoughts here. Except here I get advice. I get feedback. I get people who can relate and I get hope. You are great. Everyone who commented is great. Thank you for your feedback. *Many hugs to you*

 

[QuantumLeap]

I know how it feels to grow up in an abusive household. It's nice having someone agree with me. I wish it would've been different for the both of us. To answer your question I am no longer seeing a counselor I hated my last one planned to see a new one and I never made an appointment. Then I found this site and I'm talking about my terrible thoughts here. Except here I get advice. I get feedback. I get people who can relate and I get hope. You are great. Everyone who commented is great. Thank you for your feedback. *Many hugs to you*

Yaaay! So happy that you are getting some help here my friend! s

 

[moxman]

hello

i have found this song and i feel like it describes how i feel. i thought i would share it with you and see if you felt similarly. some other songs by this group are a bit rough, but this one is different.

let me know what you think , and anyone else who hears it as well

i wish you the best, please stay with us and become a part of our community.

 

[Dekron]

My story is very similar to yours, anxiety is a terrible curse, I can't even watch in the eyes for too long a person because of it, my heart bps drastically increases when that happens, I never had true friends, yup.. not even one, some people supported me morally but they forgot about my existence, there's nothing wrong with you, you've been a nice person, my father is not as supportive as I expected from him to be, I dont feel the need to hug him, maybe once in a year, as long as you are here means that you are a nice person like all of us, we just need to get understood by those empty people which are only able to make us suffer, the first step for you is to think in a positive way, we have the same age and I understand how you feel, lemme know if you wanna chat sometimes, best regards and pardon my english xD

 

[Maria2120]

hello

i have found this song and i feel like it describes how i feel. i thought i would share it with you and see if you felt similarly. some other songs by this group are a bit rough, but this one is different.

let me know what you think , and anyone else who hears it as well

i wish you the best, please stay with us and become a part of our community.

I'll definitely listen.! Besides I love getting introduced to new music. I'll tell you what I think

 

[Maria2120]

My story is very similar to yours, anxiety is a terrible curse, I can't even watch in the eyes for too long a person because of it, my heart bps drastically increases when that happens, I never had true friends, yup.. not even one, some people supported me morally but they forgot about my existence, there's nothing wrong with you, you've been a nice person, my father is not as supportive as I expected from him to be, I dont feel the need to hug him, maybe once in a year, as long as you are here means that you are a nice person like all of us, we just need to get understood by those empty people which are only able to make us suffer, the first step for you is to think in a positive way, we have the same age and I understand how you feel, lemme know if you wanna chat sometimes, best regards and pardon my english xD

Yeah all of this sucks. You know I can relate so much to you about the friends part. Also yeah I literally hug my dad once a year and it's New Year's Day. I'm sure many people care about you I can be your true friend And I'd love to chat with you, you seem very interesting.

 

[Maria2120]

hello

i have found this song and i feel like it describes how i feel. i thought i would share it with you and see if you felt similarly. some other songs by this group are a bit rough, but this one is different.

let me know what you think , and anyone else who hears it as well

i wish you the best, please stay with us and become a part of our community.

Yeah like you said very relatable. Where'd you find the song?

 

[moxman]

Yeah like you said very relatable. Where'd you find the song?

I listen to other songs by the group and the song is off their new album. I just thought it really summed how I felt/frustration in social situations. I have a very hard time making friends much less a GF or something. I have no real friends in my life. All my friends are over internet which is ok but sometimes you need to spend time with someone and that social interaction.

Do you feel similarilarly or do you feel differently? If so I would love to hear how you feel.

I wish you the best.

 

[Walker]

Hi there, I'm with everyone else when I say that everyone here gets the "loneliness" thing. It's about the most common theme of all around here. I'm glad that you're finding people to talk to and share your story with. This place is like free counseling!

I don't have much to add that hadn't already been said by someone else but you know, the jealousy with your friend thing is a trip. I'm just gonna come right out and ask - do you think you might be into her at all? You go right into saying how you're hung up on your ex bf and all but the way you talk about her sounds like more than a casual friendship. Or maybe it's just in the writing! I don't know.
Either way, smothering her with your jealousy is going to drive her away from you, not closer. That's how jealousy works. You have to force yourself to realize that she's a person with her own life and so are you. You guys are all about sharing much of that together -- but you also need to do things apart so you'll have something new to connect over and talk about when you see each other. (Just like with any other relationship!) What I'm saying is, letting the green monster run free is about the easiest way for you to actually lose your friend. Relax, you're bff's together and shit so be cool with that and let it flow naturally.

Good luck.